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It’s “normal” as in “many people experience pain, loneliness, anxiety, self-hatred, and other symptoms of mental illness that feel like they ‘don’t count’ because there’s no real Thing they can point to to explain it, but their pain and suffering are real and ought to be taken seriously.”

One basic test of massive internal pain is a depression test. Here’s one such questionnaire, the PHQ-9. It lists nine symptoms of depression and asks people how much they have experienced them over the last few weeks. Among them are symptoms like, “Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless,” “Feeling bad about yourself – or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down,” and “Thoughts that you would be better off dead or of hurting yourself in some way.”

It’s scored by asking people to rate if they’ve experienced the thing: 0, not at all, 1, several days, 2, more than half the days, or 3, nearly every day. Then you get a total score by adding up the ranking of each of the nine symptoms listed. So the lowest possible score is 0 (never experienced any of the symptoms) and the highest possible is 27 (all the symptoms nearly every day). The PHQ-9 considers scores above 5 to indicate mild depression, above 10, moderate, and above 15, moderate to severe depression.

When you run thousands of people through the PHQ-9–for example, if you ask doctor’s offices to ask everyone seeing their doctor for any reason to take it–this is what the score distribution looks like: 

Far and away, the most common score is 0. The vast majority of people experience no symptoms of depression in their daily lives. The vast majority of people do not feel hopeless, do not feel like failures, and do not think they would be better off if they were dead in their day-to-day lives.

* body language masterlist

* a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

* a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

* 550 words to say instead of fuckin said

* 638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

* some more body language help

Self-deprecation isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. Coping mechanism? Yes. Healthy? Absolutely not. Saying bad things about yourself seems harmless or even good in the moment but if you do it enough you will reinforce negative beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Say “I’m the worst” enough times and you will believe you’re the worst. Say “everything sucks I should just die lol” enough times and you will come to believe that too. 

I’m not pulling this shit out of my ass either, by the way, this is coming direct from when i was an outpatient at a psychiatric hospital, way back when i did this EXACT THING CONSTANTLY and ended up suicidal. This is what I was taught there, and this is how I dragged myself out.

The best way to combat this (very unhealthy) coping mechanism is really just to force yourself to say good things about yourself, and shut down the bad ones. It feels stupid, it feels like you’re lying, it feels like it will never work. But over time, if you keep at it, and with the help of friends, the new words will replace the old ones.  If you replace “i’m terrible” with “I’ve made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a bad person” that is what you will come to believe, and make it 1000% easier to actually fix the problem because you won’t be bogged down with self-hatred. 

Your subconscious doesn’t actually pick up on tone. Just the words you’re saying.

So instead of saying “I’m so stupid” sarcastically say “Well aren’t I a genius?”

Instead of saying “everything sucks and I deserve to die” try saying “Well today is just goin’ fan-frickin-tastic, ain’t it?” in a frustrated tone.

Instead of “I’m terrible” try saying “Well I sure handled that well, Huh?”

 In one point of my life, this was the explosives that held me up and let me tell you; it hurt. It hurt a lot, both before, ongoing and after. A part of me must’ve realised that this wasn’t good and managed to manipulate me to survive every day, like a puppet. My subconscious the puppeteer and my body the puppet. I was barely alive. I couldn’t keep this up, I knew, I understood, and if this continued, I would die. Therefore, I sought to different coping mechanisms.

I adopted a reversed type of sarcasm quite early, actually. To drown the self-depreciative thoughts I started to think “fuck this shit” when something awkward or embarrassing happened, “it could have been worse, way worse, like before”, “well, nothing I can do about that now so fuck it all, you shits.” etc etc.

In addition to a friction of sarcasm, I mainly used my anger to drown out the self, depreciative voice in my head. Because I’ve always felt a nagging flick of injustice and exposed to unequal treatment, there has always been an anger inside of me and at a point I figured “why not use it for the better? Why roll over and let it devour me when I can use it in my favour?” That’s when I began to respond angrily every time this self-depreciative, toxic, manipulative voice opened its mouth. “I didn’t ask for this”, “I haven’t done anything to deserve this so fuck off”, “just because I’m different, just because they’re popular, well liked, even a friend, I don’t have to accept their behaviour and nod in agreement to their ‘eloquently’ (expressive) opinions.”

I don’t know if it’s a ‘healthy’ coping mechanism but it is what has kept me alive all this time and made me wander with a stern force every day. Along with sarcasm and the mantra “I’ll just take one day at a time”, I’ve managed to shut the fucking cunt sucking voice in my head to a somewhat stable level.

sarcastic and rude

like i havent been listening

like im trying too hard to relate