The Crow Eater

beautiful, sexy, powerful and smart women named SEVERE THUNDERSTORM WARNING are attempting to contact me

I will figure out your body’s resonant frequency and play a drum solo that will dissolve you

Holding my blorbo up by the scruff of her neck to show her to you

hey guysss so unfortunately the rumors are true and im leaving the narrative. Buttt the good news is my absence will create such a gaping hole in your lives that it will become a sort of presence itself, and so in a way it will kind of be like i never left! But i am. Leaving just to be clear.

Its been five years of it’s august and the flow of time still haunts me

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

A free-range group therapy called "get herded, idiot", where you and everyone in your group is set loose to run around on an open field while a highly trained shepherd dog tries to keep you all in one group. I am not sure what benefit this would have for anyone involved.

Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change. Me: Phew Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things

So since the fandom has come the the (correct) conclusion that Samwise Gamgee is the absolute height of hobbit attractiveness standards, it only follows logically that hobbits see Sam working for Frodo as the middle earth equivalent of your weird eccentric rich neighbor having a hot pool boy. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

Literally begging people to engage with media in a way that isn’t “strip layered characters into a one-size-fits-all babie personality that’s basically just the phrase ‘appley juice :3’ as a personality”

I don’t know how many times I have to say this but if you smooth away at every rough edge that makes a well written character interesting you’re always going to end up with the same smooth sphere. And if you’re only comfortable playing around with that sphere then either you never liked the original all that much or you should probably have a long think about how you consume with media and why this is the only way you seem able to do so

Both options convey that he's horny

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post