An Annoying Cripple

Masterlist

So, I've reached the conclusion that I read and write fanfictions mainly when I'm in a very very bad mental space. That's why I've consumed so many fanfictions and wrote them during a good portion of 2023. They provide me with comfort and safe space. I am finally doing better now, trying to organize my life and decide which direction I want it to go and so working on it and on myself.

“I– I don’t know. I guess he’s okay. It’s not like we speak when we are here. You know that”. “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just…”. James exhales a loud sigh, looking down. “I saw him a couple of times. At Hogwarts, I mean”. “Okay”. They walk quietly for a few moments.  “I’m just— I’m sorry I didn’t write more often this winter”. I had something huge to deal with.

I started playing piano again and it takes me some time to learn a new song, I have to keep my focus on and that’s kind of doing wonders on my brain and mental health. For an a hour or a couple of hours a day (depending on how much I play) I just concentrate fully on the melody, on doing the right chords, on my fingers on the keys and nothing else, no worry about the present, no anxiety about the uncertainty of the future, no traumatic memories from the past, nothing. Just me and the piano and the music.

“James?” Lily calls with a soft and worried tone when he doesn’t reply.  “Yeah, sorry, yeah. Sounds dope. Maybe when the weather improves a bit we can go”. James sniffles.  Lily catches on immediately that something is wrong. “What’s wrong, Jamie?” Fuck! He should have taken some acting classes. He is tempted to lie but it would be pointless now, so he braves himself and explains the whole ordeal with Regulus.  “Remember the guy I was texting to? And that maybe there was… Something?” “Oh yeah”. “Well, I told him about… The wheelchair and… He seemed fine at first but then… He said he had an emergency and hung up. That was yesterday evening and I haven’t heard from him since”. “Oh, shit!” “Exactly”.