Compound Fiction

Thus, they will not confront you. But the cameras sure as fuck caught you, and Target does not cut corners in that department. They keep their shit up to date, monitored, and functioning.

What they do is keep track of the frequent offenders. Because shoplifting $50 [USD] worth of goods is just a misdemeanor. Massachusetts has actually set into place a separate law regarding shoplifting, making it different from theft; anything below $250 is a misdemeanor, no jail time. But most states do not have the separate categories. Shoplifting is theft, legally, and the limit is about $500 before it becomes a felony. But theft is always a more serious crime legally in terms of consequences, and you do risk jail time even for a first time offense. You could get it for a misdemeanor if you get a judge that's a particular kind of asshole.

Target makes sure you've committed felony-level theft before they bust you. They record you every time and keep a tally. So you might think you're in the clear, because you've gotten away clean several times. Only for the cops to be waiting for you outside the next time, or worse, show up at your door with a warrant for your arrest that night. [There are cameras in the parking lot too, and your license plate is registered to your address] Target will not drop it either. They will pursue charges. You will absolutely want a lawyer, because they will definitely be using one. A felony doesn’t go away in the United States. You will not be able to change your name legally in the future for any reason without a judge's approval, if at all. You will not be able to adopt children. You will be excluded from adopting from some animal shelters. You will be automatically turned down from pretty much every entry level job for at least five years. You will be denied approval to rent housing. And if you get busted for anything else [speeding, possession of personal use recreational drugs, loitering], you don't get to go home. You're automatically assumed guilty by the cops and you will be a target for quotas.

And if you're leaning on, "well, I'm 14/15, I'm a minor", you will not go down alone. If you are a minor, and a friend or relative who is 21+ is with you, they can be charged too, whether or not they even knew what you were doing. And they can actually face worse consequences than you, because they'll be charged not only as an adult, hell, they might tack on "corruption of a minor" charges. Again, despite the fact your 23yo cousin who just gave you a ride had no idea what you were doing, they will be the one paying the price for your crime. Anyone accompanying you can be charged, but it's especially a problem if they are legally an adult and you are not.

If you are confronted by the police, remember the rules.

"Am I under arrest?"

If "no", the next question is "Am I free to leave?"

If "yes", you are to say clearly, without slang or attitude, "I want a lawyer. Until a lawyer is present, I am exercising my fifth amendment right to remain silent."

And then you shut the fuck up. You answer questions during booking related to your health, such as if you're an insulin-dependent diabetic. You do not speak about the crime you've been arrested for ["what are you here for?" "I've requested a lawyer, and I am not going to comment until I have spoken with a lawyer."], and you do not provoke. The "one phone call" thing is fiction. Your phone call limit is set by the cops and whether or not they're being a particular jackass.

On your phone call:

1.) The calls. Are. Recorded. The calls are recorded. They are recorded. They are recorded and monitored. "I am being held at [jail]. I was taken into custody/arrested at [time]. I requested a lawyer immediately. I am still waiting for the lawyer. I can't talk about anything until I see the lawyer."

2.) If not calling your lawyer, call someone you can depend on to take care of your life, whether you like them or not. If your father is a judgmental asshole, but you know he will absolutely be a Responsible Party, that's who you call. Make the arrangements needed quickly. If your kids need to be taken care of, if your pets need care, etc. Your work needs to be called. The person doing this for you needs to lie, btw. There's been a family emergency. Which isn't actually a lie. ["What kind?" "I can't discuss that right now. We don't have all the details yet. Thank you for understanding, we appreciate your compassion." And then they hang up.]

3.) If you're lucky, your appointed lawyer can get you out of jail on your own recognizance. You will have a trial date. In the meantime, you need to find a criminal lawyer who specializes in shoplifting/theft charges. Contact your local Legal Aid. Ask for help. Be honest with the lawyer.

4.) Don't talk to anyone but the lawyer about the pending case. You can say "I was accused of shoplifting. But it's not smart to talk about it."

5.) Make a plan for if you get jail time. Appoint a legal guardian for your kids, make plans to rehome pets. Do not allow utility bills/rent to put you even more in debt. Legal Aid can help you with what resources are available to you.

And finally

I have a family friend who worked at our local Salvation Army headquarters as a a secretary. This particular office took all the Christmas donations for children in need, put them in a warehouse, and on a designated day the staff and their friends picked through them all, taking whatever they wanted. She saw people hauling away bikes donated for specific families. Some local children had hundreds of dollars of gifts donated in their name, and on Christmas they received three cheap things, items likely not even from the person who sponsored them.

My friend quit, and I’ve not given them a dime of my money since then.

I’m a wildfire and disaster logistics specialist.

I deal with a lot of agencies who provide disaster relief.

I used to say the Salvation Army’s disaster services were the one (literally the ONE) good thing they did.

They would come in, set up a canteen trailer, make and pass out hot coffee and donated food in a disaster, usually being one of the first agencies to get there and the last to leave.

Then I found out.

Every time they did this, regardless of if they were actually invited or deployed by the agency in charge (usually FEMA, sometimes others) they would SELF-DEPLOY. Meanjng they would just show up. Ok. That’s not TOO bad, sometimes agencies have to take initiative and get there before the red tape is sorted out. BUT. They, after they left at the end of the incident, they would send FEMA or the host agency a BILL. They used one or two paid employees (usually the driver of the truck and a supervisor); and many VOLUNTEERS, but they would bill for EVERYONE’s Labor at standard federal rates. They would bill for the food they distributed even though it was all donated by another agency or private parties. They would bill for the coffee they made and the supplies. Except they would use electricity from the shelter location, water from donations or from the shelter, and in many cases, they would get the coffee and industrial filters DONATED, but bill for them at retail prices.

Salvation Army reached out to Milknmuffins and asked what shelter she’s at with the promise to address the abuse in it. She…ended up saying where she was. She was thrown out onto the street. It’s also all on Twitter.

They invited her to a personal talk so she could explain the situation in person.

And then they threatened her with a screenshot of a rape-threat made supposedly by her:

And then threw her out into the street while claiming she broke house rules that

leadership advocating for putting gay people to death

seeking special treatment (exemptions) from nondiscrimination laws

advocating against same-sex marriage

@lisxdumbr excuse me as I borrow your tag for a moment, cause we're onto something.

Rent-lowering gunshots aside, I think this highlights a pretty fundamental quality to tumblr memes, which is they're meant to be fun, not funny.

Most Goncharov content aren't funny. They don't make you laugh as an audience. In fact, there's some serious and awe inspiring quality fanarts, music, fanfics, and analysis on a non-existing flim. It's not about making the funniest joke, it's about having fun making the joke.

Tumblr memes aren't meant to entertain a passive audience. The entertainment value is in the participation. And this quality is present in a lot of long-form tumblr memes. Colour theory, urban gothic (short lived but glorious), hawkeye initiative (short lived but glorious), making shitpost arguments into shakespeare, @theshitpostcalligrapher (excuse the tag) and other shitpost calligraphy. A lot of these memes are about taking silly things seriously. And even passively reblogging these memes are about participation. "I can take this seriously too." Or, in Goncharov's case, "yeah I'll help collectively gaslight the internet".

Another big part about sharing it isn't about how funny the joke is, but how impress you are with the effort. As an audience you can feel the love artists/musicians/writers put into their Goncharov fanwork, and can't help but have respect.

This same logic goes for how coffeeshop fics are fun to write, but they aren't funny. The charm for the reader is that someone loved these characters as much as you did.

In contrast, when you look at viral tweets, they're often one-shots. They're very funny and witty but you don't tend to get the same degree of repetition and variations. Because twitter is built for consumption and snappier participation, and the increasingly algorithm-driven navigation makes content more competitive, which means quality lies in individual tweets, and not in the whole phenomenon.

Take my soul