“It was fated, that we should meet like this.”
“I’m not too late, am I? I was trying to meditate, but I ended up falling asleep.”
“Okay, would you rather only drink water for the rest of your life, or you can drink whatever you want, but it has to have a drop of pee in it?”
“I write a letter when I have a crush so intense I don’t know what else to do.”
“When something is no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away.”
“Did you have to pick the furthest college you could think of? Who am I supposed to eat lunch with?“
“If you need me, I’m a Skype call away.“
“She just stopped drinking caffeine for some diet, I think she’s in withdrawal.“
“We’re still cool, right? We can still talk and… you know, kick it?“
“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse to avoid killing others, it’s a thing we do.”
“You know, [name], if you had a boyfriend, maybe you wouldn’t have to drive at all 'cause he would take us places.”
“Don’t you find it kinda depressing that it’s Saturday night, and you’re having a Golden Girls marathon with me?”
“Okay, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, but, [name], I’m [age] and I canceled plans to be here tonight.”
“If you need me, I’ll be in the nurse’s office, with a migraine, Googling Justin Trudeau shirtless.“
“Look, I wanted to say that I really… I appreciate it, but it’s never gonna happen.”
“Here, give me your hand. And the other one, too. Come on, you got this. Here we go. And you’re up. Want me to call someone, get you some water?”
“Do you maybe wanna dance?”
“I saw you run in here and I wanted to make sure you’re OK, and, uh… thought you might want that back. It seemed a little personal.”
“I had a lot of fun that night, too. But I feel like I should tell you, though, you know I’m gay, right?”
“Moon day? Menstruation is science, nothing to do with the moon.”
“Dear [name], I lie awake at night and imagine running my fingers through your hair.”
“Are you trying to reject me?”
“Your mouth is saying something, but your mouth said something different.”
“Okay, um… So here’s the thing, I don’t actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so someone else wouldn’t think I liked them.”
“Should I tell everyone that you wrote me a love letter?”
“Hold on. Stop. I’m not the only guy that got a letter? Wow, you really think you’re special, then you find out she wrote two guys.”
“Sorry for the whole jumping you thing.“
“What if we let people think we were actually together? Just for a little while.”
“Oh, so you wanna use me as your pawn?“
“Ah, well, see… Technically, you used me as your pawn first when you jumped me.”
“So, first things first, we need to have a contract so we’re on the same page about the rules.”
“You got rules? Come on, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation.”
“You crazy? Who’s gonna believe we’re in a relationship if I’m not allowed to kiss you?“
“It matters because I don’t want all my firsts to be fake. If I’m making out with someone, I’m gonna do it for real.”
“We need to figure something out because people are gonna get suspicious if I’m not allowed to touch you.“
“Okay… Two more rules. You have to watch Sixteen Candles with me because it’s a classic, and we can never tell anyone this relationship is fake, because it would be too humiliating for both of us.”
“It’s weird and somewhat off-putting to be congratulated on doing nothing more than accepting a note and having an ass pocket for someone to stick their hand into, but I guess that’s where my life has taken me.”
“I’m keeping it. I like your hair down. You look pretty.“
“Not gonna lie to you, that sounds nasty.“
“What? You do this thing, you have this whole judgy face scenario going on.”
“For some who’s quiet all the time, you have a lot of opinions.”
“The more people that you let into your life, the more that can just walk right out.”
“We don’t have to talk about it, but it’s not whatever.”
“I think it’s funny, you say you’re scared of commitment and relationships, but you don’t seem to be afraid to be with me.”
“Right, of course, [name], ladies and gentlemen, you can count on her to be honest, always.”
“Thank you for coming to the party tonight.“
“Don’t touch my fries.“
“This is all new, so like, I’m… I’m trying to understand here.”
“I don’t know how to be friends with you like this.”
“It’s actually really nice having someone to talk to about this stuff. You’re a good listener.“
“So you’re spying on me now?“
“How do you tell your fake boyfriend you can’t go skiing with him because you’re starting to have real feelings?”
“Yeah, right. You think I’m going skiing? It’s cold outside, I don’t do cold.”
“So you guys have been faking it this entire time?”
“All by yourself out here?“
“You told me I would never see you walk away. Said you’d never break my heart, never leave me in the dark. Now I’m in the dark. Show a little loving, shine a little light on me.”
“So what, now you’re ignoring me?“
“Oh, I’m the one ignoring you? That’s funny.“
“Am I just a joke to you, [name]?”
“I’m tired of being second best or fake best. No, you do not get it. Last night was a mistake. Physical stuff might not be a big deal to you, but to me, it is.”
“Hey… [name]. We’re gonna fix this. Give me the pillow.“
“I can’t tell him that I miss him, because if it wasn’t real, I didn’t lose anyone. But if I say that it was real, and he still doesn’t want me…”
“You’ve gotta tell people how you feel when you feel it.”
“I need you to know that I like you, [name]. And not in a fake way. And so I guess that’s all I came here to say.”
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