Hi there. I’m sure people won’t see this, it’s been 7 years since I’ve been active on this blog and I would have to think my followers, like me, are long gone. I’ve been back here in lieu of some pretty deep self-discovery lately. This was a blog I started when I was 13 and ran until I was 18. Although I didn’t identify as queer, I was comfortable here because I was around other queer folks. I thought I just liked the inclusivity of the community and wanted to be part of it as an ally. This was an amazing avenue for my self-expression and social development and genuinely made me a better person.
I now know I’m a trans woman. I started HRT last week. It’s been nice to have this little time capsule, to see all the ways I was inching closer to this realization even if it was so far away. Aside from right now, I ran this blog during the happiest moments of my life. I was around people, real and online, who let me be me no matter who I thought I was and what I called myself. I needed that so bad, and I didn’t know it until it was gone. Losing that space, and those people, and that way of life, truly ruined me. It took me a long time to realize how bad it hurt to miss it, and why I needed it in the first place. I look back on this version of me with so much joy. I feel a lot of kinship with them, and it hurts me to know how many years of pain and listlessness and ennui they would endure in the years to come, the in-between years. I’m glad I have this because I can put this here and say, “I’m so proud of you. You’re doing everything right. You won’t forever, but you still get to the right place. You’re happy now, but we will be so happy, more than you could possibly imagine. Keep it up.”
I’m not returning to this blog. I just wanted to put a little lid on it. Something to let people know where this little loser ended up, if they happen to stumble into this blog. Rest assured, we ended up doing quite well. 🩷🩵
