The Bear Maximum

first thing id do as a skeleton is drink red wine from a goblet and have it spill out everywhere . second thing id do is play my ribs like a xylophone

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

gonna start making snopes-style responses to urban legends about tumblr

I dreamt that there was a new meme that went, “If I dids it, I dids it. If I didsn’t, I didsn’t.” There was a third line, but I forgot what it was.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THEY WERE CAT MEMES IN MY DREAM

THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE MEME FROM MY DREAM

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease

i’m so glad goncharov happened pre ai slop era

#weird way to describe 1973 but i guess it’s accurate