beneath the moonless stars

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,

Connection. What frustrated you. What amused you. What something reminds you of—your childhood spent on the front porch of a black and white shuttered house, your father’s rage when he drank, the healing you found with your first partner in college, the nights you spent half-drunk in your tiny apartment, crying because you felt like you were going to die alone.

That type of connection. That’s the reason I post.

You don’t even have to like what I write. That, too, is low on my list. The point is that you read it and it made you feel.

Anakin Skywalker surrendered himself completely to the dark.

Ben Solo never truly did.

Even as Kylo Ren at his darkest hours, there was always something pulling him back.

A spark - the conflict - a part of Ben Solo that refused to disappear.

It shows in his hesitation, his compassion, and his inability to fully embrace the darkness he thought he wanted. 

Most of all, it shows in the vulnerability he revealed only to Rey. She was the one person who could still reach him in ways no one else ever could. Not as Kylo Ren, but as Ben Solo.

That inner struggle was what made him one of the most complex characters in Star Wars.

And recent stories have made that idea even more interesting. Even while walking the path of Kylo Ren, he was able to reach places that should not have been accessible to someone consumed by the dark.

To me, that suggests something important. Perhaps Ben Solo was never meant to fit into the old categories of Jedi and Sith. Perhaps his journey was pointing toward something different.

New paths within the Force. Ways in between, shaped by conflict, healing, compassion, and choice.

Ben Solo had only just returned to the light.

Rey was only beginning to understand her place.

Together, they could explore all this.

When you plant him into an AU where his only struggle is his relationship with Rey, the nuance of his character is removed.

He is dark. He is light. He is BOTH. And all of it originates from a will to survive. Just as Anakin’s was—for Padme’s survival.

This struggle is central to his entire character. When Luke raised his saber to him, Ben’s concern was to survive. When Snoke berates him for not being dark enough, he turns darker TO SURVIVE.

His struggle is not just Rey, nor the Resistance, nor even Luke or Snoke, it’s to survive AND be true to himself while doing it.

And the truth of himself has always been between the light and the dark.

Your characters are allowed to be bad people. Your story is allowed to have no moral lesson.yyour ending is allowed to be sad. The villain can win. The good person can do something unforgivable. The lovers can destroy each other. You are allowed to write the thing that no one asked for and everything that everyone told you doesn’t work and you are allowed to not explain yourself.

One- as OP said, your characters can be bad people, they can do bad things. There doesn't have to be a reason or a moral. You can make them bad if you want to. No other reason needed.

Two- it doesn't have to be good, it just needs to be written. On my last book i literally wrote the words "dumbest version" on the top of the page because I had seen some advice to do that. It changed everything. I stopped trying to make it perfect, I just tried to make it. Period. Full stop.

To me, the Skywalker story has always felt like something bigger.

It began with Anakin, a child whose birth was surrounded by mystery and the Force itself.

Over three generations, the Skywalkers became intertwined with the fate of the galaxy. They shaped wars, inspired hope, fell into darkness, and fought their way back to the light. Their choices changed lives.

Ben Solo was the last Skywalker by blood. His ending has never felt complete to me.

Rey carrying the Skywalker name is meaningful, but her deepest connection was not to Luke or Leia, the generation before her. It was to Ben Solo through the Dyad. With him gone, Rey was left alone once again.

And that is where I felt something was missing. Hope.

The very thing that has always stood at the heart of Star Wars, just as the Skywalkers have. A story that taught us that no matter how far someone has fallen, they can still choose the light.

Darth Vader made that choice in the end.

Ben Solo did too.

But while Vader's story reached its conclusion, Ben's felt as if it were just beginning. And then it stopped.

I'm not saying I need a simple happy ending. I'm saying that a family that has been at the heart of this saga for decades deserves a conclusion worthy of everything that came before.

“They’ll kill us…” “I know.”

“We can’t keep doing this.” “I know. But I don’t know how to stop.”

“This is going to get is both killed.”

“We have to go. They know, we have to go right now.” “What? What are you talking about?” “They know! About us! They know!”

“What if we left? Maybe somewhere else we could just… be.”

“Isn’t this thrilling?” “And absolutely moronic? It really is.”

“We don’t owe anyone an explanation.”

“Relax, no one saw me.” “How can you be sure?”

“Is all this worth it?” “You mean being with you? Because for me, it absolutely is.”

From @sleemo 's post on bluesky:

Down Boy

Oneshot, Rated E

Rey Niima is good at two things- sneaking into parties and breaking the hearts of rich men. Enter Ben Solo, a man so desperate to keep her that he's willing to beg for it. Multiple times.

Redemption [2/5]

Darth Vader's redemption was completed through sacrifice. His story had been told, and his final act brought it full circle.

Ben Solo's redemption had only just begun when he sacrificed himself for Rey.

To me, redemption is not the moment someone decides to change. It's what comes after.

Ben Solo recognized his mistakes. He chose the light. He chose compassion over fear and suffering.

But what comes next?

How will he live with that choice?

How will he make amends?

Who will he become?

These are the questions that linger… and why his story feels unfinished.

Redemption isn't just about dying for the right thing. It's about learning to live with that choice and becoming someone new.

Ben Solo never got that chance.

I think this matters not only for his character, but also for the message behind his story. Many people make mistakes. Many people lose their way.

The important part is finding the strength to change and then learning how to live with it.