having a realisation that a lot of my kindness is fundamentally rooted in my antisocial personality. i help people out because if i help them the situation gets resolved more quickly and i can get away from them sooner. my compassion is hostile; i'm not trying to make people feel like they can depend or rely on me, but get them to a point where they can support themselves and find others to support them without me. i compliment people so they'll feel fulfilled by our interaction and not require further input from me. i want people to feel like i care about them, and see them as human beings, and that they can make mistakes around me without fear of judgement or exile, but never like i'm someone to invite inside to stay any longer than necessary. i enjoy making people feel better about themselves and inspiring them to treat others well, but i don't want them to attach my identity to that kindness. i want them to take what they need and then let me go. and i don't think this makes me "bad" or "dangerous" but i do think it makes me a risk to people's comfort and happiness that isn't fair to ask them to take.

I think a massive part of the story and that Entity Nikki exists alongside Nikki still being there and suffering is because Nikki already told Bear no. The wish Bear makes doesn’t just force Nikki to develop feelings, it actively overrides her own consent. This is such an important part about why Nikki still pops out and has room to come back because Nikki doesn’t want any of this. She isn’t just Bear’s friend who happens to not be in love with him and Bear foolishly wishes she’d develop the same feelings. She doesn’t LIKE Bear, she’s seen his feelings, she’s had time with other people, she’s had time to “see his appeal”, she actively tells him she doesn’t like anyone, she lets others know she sees him as a brother. She can’t be convinced!!! She made her decision! She doesn’t WANT him and she isn’t gonna change her mind! That’s why Entity!Nikki exists apart from regular Nikki who fights back against this all. Most narratives of a wish like this wouldn’t have scenes of Nikki fighting back and being horrified because they’d frame Bear as the victim. Obsession switches the roles because even the entity that takes over Nikki isn’t inherently bad or a divine punishment for his greed. It’s an active response to Bear saying no doesn’t mean no to me. The crack between them that allows Nikki to reappear from Entity Nikki is because Entity Nikki fundamentally can’t be her. Being Nikki means not liking Bear otherwise Nikki would’ve been something like “hey… do you wanna go on a date?” The wish couldn’t change Nikki and Bear didn’t wish for her to grow feelings for him he wished for [Nikki] to [love him more than anyone else in the world]. Nikki can’t do that! So Entity Nikki forms as a response

given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that

(badly flirting) babygirl are you an angel from heaven? would you like to become one.

jobs for people who cant do or handle anything

pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say

Today is the anniversary of the death of Jonathan Joss (King of the Hill, Parks and Rec). Jonathan Joss was an Indigenous, gay man who died protecting his transgender husband, on the first day of Pride month. Today we remember him and how he protected his family.

i think being able to identify and deconstruct an irrational feeling should make it go away. i literally solved your riddle puzzle master can u let me OUT the damn TORTURE LABYRINTH

i actually did draft a bunch of abortion jokes but ultimately decided not to keep them

i ❤️ faceless character designs like yesss keep the mask on… Obscurity is so hot

“what if you could see their face” well i neither want nor need any of that. i’m right where i want to be