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I donât own the copyright to this, others own the show. All I have is this saaaad little computer and a sketch pad. ^-^ Please donât sue! I donât need anymore stress!
lol this story contains slash! Donât like donât read. Rated M. AragornxLegolas. lemon. Lololol ^-^ NO FLAMES OR I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY STABBITY SPORK OF Death! -__-
#neverforget the time that Bella wore a full length khaki skirt to meet Edwardâs family and he basically lost it because he thought she looked so sexy
This is both amazing and profoundly irritating - the exact writing equivalent of that thing artists do - you know, how theyâll mess up anything thatâs on expensive paper and planned in every single detail but get them doodling during a boring lesson and suddenly theyâre Michel-bloody-angelo.
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Pretty fucked up that you, personally, reading this post donât give equal attention to every tragedy that happens on the planet every day. I heard that you, personally sometimes only hear about things that news sources in your specific cultural sphere pick up on. Thatâs pretty fucked up of you, personally.
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Okay I started this movie by hollering âI HATE THIS MOVIEâ but I would like to wrap up the school year positively so Iâm going to rewatch the Shape of Water with an open mind and a lot of kink shaming.
The movie begins beautifully - a nice French instrumental and swooshy water scenes. We get the narration of a fantastic actor, Richard Jenkins.Â
Then shit gets weird.
Who masturbates first thing in the morning? In a bathtub? EVERY morning?? Why does she have so many shoes?
Please note all that water she. She gets freaky IN WATER. She has scars on her neck that look like gills. The sounds around her are muffled as if underwater.
Why is there a man with a cake? A metaphor for âYou canât have your cake and eat it too?â
Scientist man has a Hitler stache.
Enter: the Creepy Dude
Ah, Giles, you poor sweet gay man.
Important: changing the news to avoid reality
Ok I love the foot dance between two queer friends
My God why is he peeing like That
âShort people are meanâ FIGHT ME
The baton is a phallic object guys itâs symbolic of Creepy Manâs repressed sexuality
Whatâs the significance of the green food?
WHY IS THE TANK OPEN ? I mean he has chains but STILL
âThey found her by the waterâ yeah we GET it (I would love these little things if I didnât know she was gonna fuck the fish)
I love a good old-fashioned racist/misogynist villain
Wow we love a Nuclear Family
âI want you silentâ ummmm okay rapist
See it would be CUTE that she teaches him sign language if she didnât also want to FUCK HIM
Itâs Communist time BABEY!!! I like how the Russians are eating seafood.
Weird how the enemy spy is the one we like, right? Heâs like a problematic fave
See I can understand why she wants to take care of the Fish Man! I get it! They are the same! But that doesnât mean she has to fuck him! They could just be friends!!!
âWhat a wonderful shade of green!â Is the green just because the monster is green? Is that it?
See heâs very rapey! Ugh what a prick.
I do appreciate a good heist scene.
Awww happy fish boy
I FORGOT ABOUT THE CAT THING OH NO âŚbutâŚCats eat fish all the time I supposeâŚ
I like the sign that says âDonât waste waterâ lmao
Okay if somebody killed my cat I donât care if itâs a âwild creatureâ I would be DEVASTATED
I love the fact that he actually is, like, a God lmao
Aaaaaand there it is. A good film ruined. We just HAD to have fish sex didnât we? DIDNâT WE? Notice her shoes and hairband are red instead of black now, tho.
I love how bath towels can somehow block a roomâs worth of water.
I like how she just smiles as if she hasnât been CAUGHT HAVING FISH SEX
And now we have a musical number thatâs fucked.
Creepy Guy dragging Dimitri by the cheek is Fish Hook imagery.
GAYS TO THE RESCUE
Wild. Absolutely wild.
If they had sex AFTER he turned her into a fishâŚwhy couldnât they just waitâŚpleaseâŚ.
OKAY so: end notes
This movie would be a beautiful film if she has just accepted the fish as a platonic partner instead of SUCKING HIS WEIRD FISH BONER
âLove is like a tree: it grows by itself, roots itself deeply in our being and continues to flourish over a heart in ruin. The inexplicable fact is that the blinder it is, the more tenacious it is. It is never stronger than when it is completely unreasonable.â - Victor Hugo
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On the island of Lesbos there lived a family with three sons. The eldest son was a great warrior, known for slaying countless monsters as he sailed throughout Greece. Of the three brothers, he was the most talented with sword and spear. When he was of age, he married a Spartan princess and lived in luxury for the rest of his days.
The second brother was incredibly smart. Though he could have married a wealthy woman, he chose to live like his patron goddess, Athena, and joined other scholars in a home of knowledge and chastity.
The third brother was not so talented, but had the most beautiful face in all of Greece. His name was Pallas, and he was said to be the secret son of a god, his face sculpted by Prometheus and given life by the kiss of Aphrodite. Though he was perfectly mortal, he believed the rumors which deemed him to be worthy of the gods. So instead of marrying a princess, or becoming a scholar, he chose to seek the hand of a goddess.
He traveled to the shrines of Aphrodite, and prayed that she might send him a lover worthy of his perfection. In answer to his prayers, a shadowy angel visited in the night with a great flurry of rustling wings.
âI have come to be your companion, and this bed will be our marriage bed. The gods will bless our union, but only if you promise never to look upon my face.â
Pallas agreed at once, and swore to love her always no matter how long she remained in darkness. They lay together for many nights, and she provided him with feasts and jewels as a reward for his patience.
Yet he could not keep his promise. After many months of tender touches in the darkness, he could bear the ignorance. A flame sprouted in his hands one night, carried delicately to their bed, where his shaking fingers fail to catch a drop of melted wax.
Thunder rumbled; there was the rustling of great, feathered wings.
âWhat are you?â Pallas whispered, looking at her figure in the dim light. âI promise Iâm not afraid.â
âYou should be afraid, for you have committed a great treason. You have broken an oath to a goddess, and never again will you receive a kindness from the gods.â
âBut I love you!â
âYou did not trust me. Never again will you see my face, or any face. You will return to your home as a blind man, and never look upon your own beauty or anyone elseâs.â
When she departed, the candle blew out with the wind of her flight. Darkness set all about him, and in his ears he heard only his cries of misery, surrounded by that fearful rustling of wings.
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