The Doodle Chronicles: Mental Illness

Today I was asked to give some advice to a 12 year old as if I were talking to my younger self. Not only do I think my 12 year old self need to hear it, I think at times I still need it now: So, I needed to hear that it is OK to not understand what is going on inside. Thoughts and feelings can be scary but just because you don’t understand them now it doesn’t mean you will always find them…

It has been a while! Hello. Hopefully you’ll be pleased to hear that the time since my last post has been spent working especially hard on becoming more well (I struggle to use the word Recovery for some reason…I think because I feel it is thrown around a bit flippantly).

I have made a hell of a lot of progress in that time but have hit what feels like an enormous blip the past few weeks. I…

Chapter 2: The Seedlings of a Story

The first chapter of my first ever dabble in creative writing can be found here. Below, is my draft of a second chapter. As always, thoughts and whether you are finding it interesting are welcome!

Chapter 2

Darkness. Concrete beneath my face and the sounds of chaos around me. An incessant squawking from the crashed pod I had been in minutes – or was it hours? – earlier draws my attention:…

The Seedlings of a Story

It’s been 2 years since I started this story, on an acute ward, with the guidance of a HCA who taught me all about brainstorming and letting the ideas flow. Our paths parted 3 chapters in to my first ever attempt at creative writing and I never felt brave enough to go back to it. Tonight I’ve found the draft first chapter and enjoyed reading over it more than I thought, so decided to share it and…

Today brought my 9 month CPA (Care Planning Approach meeting) at my placement, which I’m at for intensive treatment for Personality Disorder using Mentalization Based Therapy (alongside medication and some other bits and bobs!).

These meetings are always stressful for me – and this one brought its own struggles in that I have a very distressing and emotionally difficult event coming up that we…

Things I Never Thought I'd Be Able to Say: 9 Months in to Treatment for Personality Disorder

Out of area locked placements for the treatment of personality disorders often get a lot of bad press, and I can often see why this is the case. Fortunately, I have been very lucky (finally!) with my current placement which, although it is several hours drive from home and run by a private company (usually situations which draw fire), has helped me make progress that I never dreamed possible. It…

Re: The Guardian’s Report on Locked Mental Health Rehabilitation Wards – A Patient’s Experience

The Guardian has published an article about locked mental health rehabilitation wards that has a lot of interesting figures in and some perspectives on the purpose and morality of wards such as these existing.

This articleand the figures within need to be looked at with balance and with regards to whether each ward does in fact provide rehabilitation services. I am currently on a locked…

For Everyone Who Struggles on Mothers’ Day

Sending my love and best wishes out there to everyone for whom Mothers’ Day brings pain or sadness.

To those separated by death. To those who have never met. To those who have to be apart for whatever reason. To those for whom illness or addiction provides a barrier.To those who made a brave choice to end unhealthy relationships.

To all of you, whatever you experience this day, please know that…

6 Months in to Personality Disorder Placement: hard work, therapy (MBT), ups and downs, change and hope.

As I type this, I’ve been meaning to do so for so long that I’m now actually closer to 7 months of being here. Where is here? Well, to me it is the place that has given me hope of a life. For the first and only time, I feel like I no longer am stuck with just 2 options: 1. living in constant, unrelenting torturous pain 2. not living Now, there is a number 3, and that just might mean that a life of…

Finally registered with the local library and got my first book out: ‘Confessions of a Male Nurse’. I’m looking forward to it greatly, especially as I suspect more and more that my future lies in healthcare.

‘Allsorts’ looks intrigued, too… 😉

It’s been a while since I’ve had the concentration to sit and read, and going to the library today felt like there is a world of information to explore…

Intro to MBT Booklet – PDF to Download

Recently I created a summary booklet about Mentalization Based Treatment under the supervision of the MBT Coordinator at my placement. The staff here have found it really helpful and they’re going to start giving it out to those receiving treatment to aid understanding. There isn’t much ‘easy-read’ or introductory information about MBT out there so I thought others may find it helpful, too.

The…

Dishing out advice is so much easier than following it…

As someone who yesterday wrote this:

Today I’ve struggled not to dissolve in to tears about the mess of a person I am and the mess of a year I’ve just had. Whether it was comparisons with others (the achievements and lives of my friends, people I went to school with, people I’ve been in hospital with) or myself (this time last year I was coming round from an overdose which knocked me straight…

Love to All on a Tricky ‘Holiday’ #NewYearsEve

Sending love out there to everyone, no matter what this evening means to you.

Struggling with tonight is not a sign of weakness. Not having fond memories or proud ‘achievements’ from 2018 isn’t a sign of failure.

Today and tomorrow are days like any other; if ‘all’ you do is survive them, that is amazing. Try to be proud of being you, be proud of getting through a day, be proud of surviving…

My placement is based upon the Mentalization Based Treatment model; this is a NICE recommended, evidence-based treatment for personality disorders (although it is less well-known than DBT). I’ve had a day where I’ve needed some help distracting myself and keeping busy, so one of the MBT Practitioners here asked me to have a go at summarising Mentalization and the model we work with in to…