The Bea's Knees

Can we normalize not confusing someone's free time with their availability.

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her

hate it when the people who I love are suffering due to circumstances beyond my control 👎 there should be a sea monster that I can slay to fix the problem

nobody ever gets locked in a tower or chained to a rock at sea anymore - it's always some shit like chronic illness or ptsd related depression

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

someone please hit me over the head with this post every day for like the next week thanks. a mention, a reblog with text, a message, something.

Rat detected. Make him jiggle.

Holy shit I assume everyone is doing an up and down jiggle and maybe a side to side jiggle but if you jiggle your phone forward and backwards he jiggles in and out, too

Jigglesss

platonically shooting my friendshot hoping I don't get acquaintance-zoned

to be honest even if vaccines did cause autism i would rather live in a world where everyone is vaccinated and some of those people have autism than an unvaccinated autismless world. like ok whatever. would you rather have autism or polio. autism or measels. idk about yall but im choosing autism every time. its not even a hard choice.

environmental storytelling.

Pro tip! If someone ever says they would fuck their own clone, you can make the conversation different by saying you'd also fuck their clone.

follow it up with ‘i wouldn’t fuck you though’ for Added Enjoyment