Okay guys please Iām normal. Iām normal and normal. ššBut I need to confess something because yesterdayās anniversary really made it hit so much deeper. šā¤ļø Ever since Techno passed, I have to watch or listen to at least a few minutes of a Technoblade video every single morning while I get ready. šāāļøšØItās literally my auditory and visual coffee. āļøāØI usually get dressed to music to wake myself up, but as an HSP (highly sensitive person), music leaves my feelings all out in the open. š§š So I HAVE to follow it up with Technoās voice right when I'm putting my shoes on. My absolute favorites are the Dream SMP streams. Honestly, I am still so stuck in that era. Even though the server ended, it never actually ended for me. š²āļø His calm, deadpan, completely unbothered confidence in those streams acts like an emotional shield for my brain. š”ļøš·This year hit like a freight train because it's my very first year actively honoring and celebrating his memory. ššļø I never realized how vital this routine was until TODAY when I rushed and forgot it. My day was ABSOLUTELY GOD-AWFUL. It completely fucked me up. ššYou know how when you forget your morning caffeine, and you go into a workday and every single goddamn thing is just ticking you off and irritating you? That was me today. š¤š„ If I donāt have him, even just for a few seconds, it literally feels like the Earth is being shattered open and emotional lava is pouring out. I was super hypersensitiveāliterally kind of like being on your periodāand everything was just pissing me off because I went into the world without my armor. I never want to forget my ritual ever again. šāPLEASE tell me Iām not the only one dealing with this exact same thing, especially right now after the anniversary? šš„ŗ If you use his past streams as a neurological stabilization tool to get through the day, please share your stories in the reblogs/comments. I really need to hear that other fans are like this too. šš»












