Your real dad.

Dahling you simply must read this book! It’s all about this devious little caterpillar who simply gorges himself on all manner of divine things

broooo last night was a cry for help

DJ keep the music volume the exact same

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

that is my pet black mold who gives me advice every day

My one friend really likes "yo mama" jokes, but she feels bad for saying them to me because my mama's dead, and lately she's been circumventing this by adding "in heaven" to them, a concept I was introduced to with zero warning via a text that said, "Yo mama's so stupid she's in heaven pre-heating the microwave."

no offense to the english but i just found out england has only ever won the world cup once.. wtf do you mean “it’s coming home” she doesn’t even know you omg

nip over to troy, bit of rough and tumble, big horse, bish bash bosh, back home to ithaca. simple as