Your real dad.

they found my dick pics in the dead sea scrolls

”can mutuals dm” mutuals can harvest me for materials

“be gay do crime! but sex is yucky and crime is wrong!” ass website

I get free physical therapy through work, but I fear my body is in such a state they'll just take me out back and shoot me.

Sounds like that will end all your health issues instantly though. And for free!

Let the therapists hunt me for sport, earning their prize!

spam likers will be blocked is still the funniest shit

my spam likers will inherit my kingdom and it’s riches

staring at her tits but i’m being rlly stealthy abt it

You learn something every day: apparently “pharaoh” translates literally to “great house,” and it was originally used in reference to Thutmose III in the way that we’ll say “the White House” in reference to the president and his administration. For example, it’s not “Pharaoh Bob ordered…” it’s “the Pharaoh ordered…,” in the same way we would say “the White House opposed…”

the soft animal of my body wants a spliff and four pints of cider

soft animal of my body is up for a kebab

the monster under the bed is scary to YOU. i’m having sex with it though.