Boop

How were the schemes Were the schemes successful

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol

happy pride month

king

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

the human body is an engineering marvel. I sneeze in bright light. if I dont get enough sunlight on my skin I get tired and sad and have to drink a lot of milk to fix it. standing too much hurts, but sitting too much also hurts. if I get a virus, my body will increase its temperature in an attempt to cook it, which also cooks my brain cells. toenails exist. I have to turn the radio down to see better when I drive. there are 17 genes dictating what my hair texture is, but it completely changes when the air is too humid. yawning is contagious. there are more species of bacteria living in my body than there are species of birds in the entire world. every few months I grievously injure my neck by "sleeping on it weird." it took seven million years of human evolution to form me, and now I'm afraid of phone calls.

obsessed how domesticated Arthur Nightingale becomes the minute he moves in with the Drifter. that's a husband. he wants to cook breakfasts. the man yearns for a maid outfit. stay at home husband material. "shall I send you on a mission breathless? disheveled?" can anyone hear this. hello. digital extremes, hello.

I respect the Warframe ass more because, unlike 40k, Warframe's devs aren't ashamed of the asses in their possession.

When you thought it would be easy peasy lemon squeezy but it turns out to be difficult difficult lemon difficult.

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