Texts From the Inquisition

(434): You think you know everything because you’re wearing a sweater

(907): You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools. (1-907): That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day

(917): She’s the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.

(402): but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.

(517): This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.

(703): I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space

(315): How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?

(+44): So what’s the moral of this story? Aside from ‘lesbians hold grudges’?

(616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume?

(636): Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

(904): I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I’m not going to

(403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now.

(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

(585): Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew

(708): Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning. (773): We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

(636): You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex. (314): You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.

(734): Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?