TranZMan

Hey! I actually hit 3 years in May and didn’t even recall...definitely need to post a video and let you all know what I’ve experienced and how I’ve been feeling! It’s been going alright, but I’m finding my thighs are getting more and more muscular/ tough to put a needle in. Just working through that and trying to stay on track. 

I know that a lot of guys have extreme anxiety when using the mens washroom, and I admit I still have a slight spike of anxiety from time to time this far in my transition. 

I’m usually using the one at school, while studying and I always go to the loo with headphones in and music on. Partially because it’s my study break, but I also just wanna zone out and relax my bladder when I try to pee at the urinal. It also really helps to not look at other guys and just go in, do your thing, and come out. 

I’m sure it seems like everyone’s looking at you and trying to figure out what you got in your pants, but I can tell you that no one really gives a shit. We’re all there for the same goal. 

Of course! I felt really alone personally as a brown transguy so I thought I shouldn’t let others feel like that and start this blog (although I’m not the best at maintaining it). It was tough, honestly. They literally shipped me off to India because they thought docs there would have more knowledge??? or experience??? or idk what. But I saw at least 5 docs there and they told my parents the same thing my Canadian doctor said. -_- My mum had a hard time and just followed my dad’s opinion, but after some time she has really come around and has grown so much that she tells me my face suits a beard. 

My father has always tried to find some deeper meaning and thinks it’s not true and is sure I will regret all my surgeries and hormones and I will cry one day about it all, but I just let him sit in his little box and we haven’t talked for a long time now. It doesn’t bother me, and I know he’s just hurt that I am going to turn out a much better man than he could ever amount to. 

My brother, you just need to stay positive and learn to filter out the negativity. People will say so many things, either to your face or behind your back, but you do what makes you happy. If it’s tough at home to be properly accepted as a boy, find worthwhile friends and try to socially transition, because it helps so much to be referred to as a male. 

I am always here to talk to and love helping you guys out, no matter how old or young in the process. 

Not gonna lie to you guys, I did at a point in my life. I was so messed up with what was going on in my life with my gender, sexuality, and grades. I thought everything was my fault and I had to punish myself for it because no one else knew what I did. I had a twisted mind back as a kid. But once I started transitioning, I stopped. I wanted to be seen as strong and capable of being a man. Overtime, I didn’t see it as a solution to anything. I’d channel my negativity into the gym, or loud music. Just block out the world for a bit to get back to myself. 

I have been gone for ages and my excuses just won’t cut it. 

I always try to be positive on here to push you guys to be better men and not focus on your depression and dysphoria so much, but it’s hard to do that when I myself was going through quite a rough patch. 

My entry into med school was postponed because of my GPA, and that is mostly due to my parents splitting and my ‘father’ refusing to pay for my schooling while I was still at school and dependent on him for rent, groceries, and so much more. 

I know I sound spoiled for needing money from him to go to school, but that’s how it is in my culture; the parents will support the child through university because that’s their duty. And the kids pay it back by usually housing the parents during their old age and blessing them with grandchildren. 

I am now in a course that is a fast track journey through physio, neuroanatomy, and biochem. If I get the required GPA in this, I will be in med school by August! I have been focussing on this tons and haven’t been active on here. 

I have so much good news to tell you guys though and will have them up in different posts. I’m glad to be back to my manly family and can’t wait to hear back from you guys! 

Lots of sweat and facial hair, 

I’m a huge Disney fan, but my girlfriend never grew up around it. So when I brought her to see the remake of Beauty and the Beast, I couldn’t stop singing all the songs in her ear and squealing at the parts that got me excited. 

After the movie and driving us home, I told her that I related to the movie a lot. Only because he considered himself a beast that no woman could possibly learn to love. 

Her and I don’t talk about me being a transman at all, I don’t like to remind myself about it so I am just another guy (it’s how I cope). 

So when she asked what I meant, I tried to say it in the most subtle sense, “You know, how I came to be as a man and the sort of man I am. I just didn’t think I could ever find a woman to love me for me and see me as a handsome man and feel attraction towards..but I’ve found you, my Beauty.” 

As we laid in bed later that night, she finally replied to my thoughts, “I have only ever seen you as a man, even when I knew about it but you hadn’t told me yet. You love me like a man would and respect me like a proper man should. I love you only for who you are and will become. And that is a handsome man, turning into an even more handsome man with time.”