#find them

CHAPTER 35 IS UP NOW

CHAPTER 32 IS FINALLY UP

I think I was pretty clear and honest about what I had intended on doing.

I wanted to help you. I wanted you out of that shitty relationship, You called a Future. I wanted to see you put effort in with your daughter. I want to see you be a parent. I wanted to see you being an adult.

I hate that part of me looked up to you, as if you had any good intentions laid out for me. I had stated so many times that I was not the person for you and I wanted to be there to help you find that person. I also wanted to be the comfort you felt you never had. You wanted something more out of that too.

You were never truly satisfied, and I hope you are now. I hope you think she’s the one.

I hope and pray that you get to see your daughter. Deep down I think you were only trying to get custody because I was in the equation. You didn’t seem to want her. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am.

A part of me wishes that you would reach out, but I know that that probably wouldn’t be the healthiest option. Weird coming from a person who has never once been healthy in their life. 

After you left, I started to get weird cravings. You’re cravings. You’re disgusting urges.

Never once did I crave a cigarette until you left. Just to smell or taste the last bit of you. Like mold growing. Like dirt under your fingernails. Something you never felt clean of.

I feel unclean, that is due to your filthy hands. You’re disgusting rotting mouth. Your pale eyes that glow in the woods. The overgrown hair covering your tattoo. But I still know there’s an animal hiding underneath.

I see photos of you now and I feel confused and conflicted. Where is this woman you said you needed to be?

Was it all just a fucked up game to make me feel more comfortable. Trust me, I never felt comfortable.

The kind of comfort a lamb seeks from a wolf who is not yet bitten deep enough to kill her. 

I doubt you even have an account anymore. I doubt you have the app downloaded. I doubt that you feel guilt for what you put us through. If there was any form of guilt felt, I would hope to hear it. 

The system is falling apart, and I feel something is going to change. I’m not sure if it’s a good change though because I’m having darker cravings. Potential harm. We’ll find out in next week‘s episode.

I hope to hear from you.. as delusional as that may sound.

We’ll talk again soon. Goodbye for now.