The Ultimate Danger Noodle

My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.

I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.

I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.

I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.

I learned to love books because my father loved them first.

Extreme anger

Possibly the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me occurred today. So I’m in a creative writing class at university right now and we had to print out twenty-five copies of our first, one page assignment to distribute to the class. I had to print mine at the computer lab as I don’t have a printer, but here are the three crucial facts that made this the worst mistake of my life.

1. Sometimes, when you log into Google on Chrome, it activates all of your extensions, even ones you’ve deactivated.

2. In high school, my friends and I got really into Ponify (a words replacing chrome extension) and switched the preferences so we could read political articles and have congress get into a “rousing snow ball fight” and the like.

3. Ponify reverted to its original My Little Pony lingo when opened on a new computer’s chrome.

So when I distributed my twenty-five copies of this I noticed the word “everypony”, my heart seized up and dropped into my stomach, and with my imminent death approaching, I began furiously correcting all twenty-five of them. My teacher, confusedly, agreed to let me correct them as I was too infuriated and ashamed to say my mistake aloud. 

I just realized, however, that the line “as she watched the binding fall away in her hand” was changed to “as she watched the binding fall away in her hoof”. 

And I just had to send this email:

I was switching between poses and my (unbeknownst to me) subluxated tailbone popped back into place, causing a chain reaction up the rest of my spine not unlike cracking a glow stick both in sound and visual effect as my vision whited out from pain and I was forced briefly to shake hands with the universe.

Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all

It was only a fish

I’d have to watch the movie again to go into any detail, but Kronk is actually the smartest damn person IN this movie.  There’s nothing he doesn’t know, he’s got all this specialized knowledge, dude is probably horrifically well read.  He’s NOT stupid, he’s just eager to please and doesn’t have a proper “No” threshhold.

In the second gif, he’s like - “No, wait, I’m not who you think I am.”

Then in the fourth, he’s like - “Oh my God, the cook is gone and she’s got all these orders.  If somebody doesn’t cook that up people are going to get upset!  They’ll take it out on this poor woman who’s been on her feet all day and doesn’t deserve their wrath!  And…oh my God…PEOPLE WILL BE HUNGRY!”

Then in the sixth gif he’s like - “NOT ON KRONK’S WATCH!”

He’s doing the right thing and he knows it.  No judgement, no condescension, just always a moment to register the task at hand, determine the most logical course of action to completing it, and then it’s GO GO GO.

His only problem is that he never stops to ask himself whether this is actually his problem to solve, or whether people are taking advantage of him, and I love him for it.

I would have forgotten. You would have forgotten. Yzma, the supposed “smart one” between them would have forgotten.

Kronk’s solution? Mix ALL the wine, and then tell Yzma not to drink it!

When Kronk first “met” Pacha and lost Kuzco, and tried to catch up to him, only to meet him later and said he “looked familiar”? 

Tell me, would you be able to recognize someone if you only saw a profile of them, from a distance, in a crowded area?

After the chase scene, and Yzma and Kronk somehow make it back before Kuzco and Pacha. Even Yzma doesn’t know how they made it back first, and Kronk pulls this map out of the sky that tracked where they were.

“Well, you got me. By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense.”

Plop