entre la jeunesse et la sagesse

Im a picky picky person who knows what they like and I use the filters liberally. But it's a pain to put it in every time I accidentally close my Ao3 tab or I wander into a new fandom. I'm well aware you can favourite a single tag, but I'm talking multiple tags included and excluded.

Thanks for your time and thoughts!

If you want to look up the same filtered tag again and again, the easiest way is to bookmark the results page. The URL has all of the filters in it, so reloading that URL will give you the latest results with all of the filters applied.

sidenote: it's possible to throw an error by applying too many filters just because it hits the max length of URL allowable by the browser

But I’m still stuck on that opening phrase because…what? I am so confused by how people view interactions on tumblr & AO3 these days. Let me make it very clear for anyone who is confused:

CREATORS WANT YOU TO INTERACT WITH THEIR WORK.

The limit does not exist on how many of their works you can interact with in a certain period.

If you like every fic they’ve ever written? Then feel free to give them all kudos and leave a comment on every single one if you feel inclined! If you’re going through someone’s blog and you vibe with every post, like/reblog to your heart’s content!

As long as you’re not expecting something back from them or adding a ton of irrelevant comments, it’s not spam! It’s what this is all about!! I’m not even much of a creator and I still feel a huge sense of pride when I see a ton of notifications in a row from a person, as it clearly shows they thought my blog was worth spending time on.

lake inferior

lake normal

lake offtario

lake hurton

The Lovers by Jef Joseph Marie Thomas Lambeaux (1852-1908)

If this is your actual reaction to critique and not hyperbole to get your point across, you might want to read up on Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and see if that’s something you’d like to talk about with your doctor. This level of a reaction to beta comments feels extreme and might be a sign of something else going on, whether that’s RSD or something else. 

If that’s just hyperbole and you feel a sense of disappointment or dejection as a result of hearing critique then you might just need to talk to your beta reader about how you want that critique to come at you. Do you want a negative to be balanced out with a positive? Do you want a critique to come with a plan for how to fix the problem? Do you want it phrased as a question rather than as a statement?

We all have preferences when it comes to receiving feedback, and we all respond differently to different styles. If you’re receiving feedback in a form that doesn’t work for you, then try a different form and see if that works better. 

Another thing that’s important to remember is that these comments are not about you as a person, they’re about your writing. The person who is giving you this feedback is invested in making your writing better. They want you to succeed and they want you to tell the best version of your story possible, and their focus is on helping you do that. 

Nothing that we write is ever going to be perfect, and a first draft is even rougher. There’s no shame at all in needing to improve. If there’s nothing to work on, then there’s nothing to learn. Accepting critique means accepting an opportunity to do better next time, to learn a new technique or concept. Doing something badly means that you’re doing something that’s hard for you, and it’s only by working beyond our capabilities that we can improve. 

We often find that the things which hurt us the most are directly tied into our identity. If that is the case, then a critique of our work is no longer just that, but becomes a personal attack. It threatens the core of what we believe ourselves to be, which in turn may feel like "the end of the world". In a way, it truly contradicts something we consider a fundamental truth, the foundations of what we are. However, it is just the pain of bruised ego.

My advice would be to look into yourself. There's nothing shameful about it feeling this way. The question is: is that useful for you? Does it help you? Or does it cause you hurt and impede your growth?

Personally, I find that the more invested I am in the action ("writing") rather than being something ("I am a writer"), the easier it is for me to be detached and calm. It may sound counter-intuitive, but I think getting rid of the "I am a good writer" identity and the "I want to be a good writer" attachment is what made me a better writer. It removed the drive to be good and allowed me to just be, examine my work without any sense of failure, and discuss it with other people.

Of course, you still need some "chemistry" with your beta-reader, especially in regards to the plot itself. Outline what you're looking for in feedback and specify your boundaries. If you can't handle hearing about everything at once, tell them "I want to focus on xxx only" and specify whether (and how) you'd prefer for any other issues to be brought up. However, don't make them responsible for managing your feelings.

The point of setting boundaries isn't to prevent the situations in which you may feel hurt from occurring completely. It is to bring down their intensity to a level you can safely manage on your own. "Make sure the author never feels bad" and "be honest with the author about the issues in their workshop" are two distinct goals which, in certain situations, may contradict each other. If you can't handle feedback, you have to be aware that people will stop giving you their genuine thoughts and will focus on appeasing you instead.

I am bitchy in many situations; betaing I try very hard not to be bitchy, because you never know what someone else is going through, and there are days when I can't take criticism either.

But so many betas think their task is just to improve the document; they don't think about how they affect the author. That is a problem, unfortunately, which can only be solved by flat out asking the beta, if the beta can do that honest self assessment. Some can't.

I've been in both roles a LOT over the past 20+ years and remembering that really does help ease any friction.

When I'm beta-ing, I am offering options for spelling and grammar that conform with accepted formal standards, and whatever other parameters we've agreed on (e.g., continuity check: did someone take off their shirt twice). But it's up to the writer whether they take those suggestions. And I need to present those yes, with manners, as outlined above, but I also need to not take it personally if the writer decides not to accept any given edit. They are not obligated to make changes to their work.

When I'm working with a beta as a writer, I need to be able to put my ego aside and look at the beta's suggestions and evaluate if they are applicable to my work. And, as outlined above, not take any given edit personally - it isn't a comment on my ability to write or my worth as a person. It's just a suggestion, and one they are offering because I've asked for their help.