Taren's Blog

Okay so it turns out a “sword sage” rises in the hierarchy based on how many apprentices they recruit and how many novices those apprentices take on. They don’t ascend through meditation and endless repetition of the blade forms, they don’t even decide ranking through a grand tournament or anything. But they do say the people on the top get access to ancient sacred swords and scrolls of divine insight, which is a grave injustice against noble hearted warriors who seek mastery of the blade arts. As a true dedicated disciple of the blade, it falls on me to topple this corrupt pyramid, and that’s why I need you to join my righteous cause and become my apprentice

You are truly wise and noble of heart to join my cause. But you must know that two swords are not enough to strike down a foe this vile. What we need is strength in numbers. Thus I beseech you; go out and recruit disciples of your own, then return to me and I will teach you all the techniques I have mastered thus far. Together we will bring justice to all disciples of the blade who have been kept from true mastery by the corruption at the core of this multi-level monastic order

suddenly the fucking

they must've opened the fridge

must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

I once called a colleague's Borzoi a beautiful Gentle Alien, assuming the term had long since become commonplace outside of Tumblr, and discovered when he burst into delighted laughter at the term that it Had Not. I had to explain to him that I'm not a comedy genius, just repeating a niche meme.

the version of you from five years ago would be genuinely amazed by what you’ve handled since then. sit with that for a second

the great thing about the wuxia genre is you can start a sect called the Evil Blood Cult in a place called Demon Mountain that’s a volcano full of poison and you all wear crazy gothic black and red hanfu and practice Sinister Backstabber Style kung fu and like. that’s not a deterrent to prospective disciples. do all that and a fuckton of bright eyed youngsters will still show up at your door and say hello i would like to join the demon mountain evil blood cult where do i sign up?

Lockheed Martin was at my college's job fair

Oh 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂! You didn’t tell me you had a beast in your home. You’ve got a little goggyee. Eh- BOGGY. A poopy dog. A buppy- a little 𝐹𝑈𝐶𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 ƊOƐGGУ. I’ve never seen a reell dog before! We only have Lego® Dogs on Lego® Island. 𝒪𝒽! Oh FUCK! Oh fuck nooo! This red bastard’s got teeth! Sharp teethh. He’s going to tear me into little Lego® pieces. I’ve never been so scared in my life! WHAT THE FUCK this is like a jumpscare from Five Fuckers at Uncle Festers. GET ME THE  𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂  OUT OF HERE!