It showed me that a deep intimate (and not necessarily romantic/sexual) bond with someone — something I've been craving my whole life — is possible and real.

More than that

I thought I was looking in the wrong place because of the age gaps with people I liked but Hacks served as a wonderful example that true close relationship can be created by two people of different age if they're up for it

I used to feel so awkward in my desire to connect with women older than I am, thought the problem was in me

But this show let me believe that if there are two people who truly care about each other — their differences start to dissipatie, if they make an effort to be there for each other, to change — they can build intimacy and lift each other up.

Also the way their relationship is platonic but also on the verge of hints to something more and despite of inability to label it, stays a true and strong bond between this two women

And then cleared her conscience by keeping him always close — in her mind (as if to say: I'm such a good daughter, I keep listening to my dad even after he's gone. Nevermind the cause of his death though)

She probably made some story up that it wasn't her fault — because the guilt must've been unbearable — and ended up believing it herself

It's obvious he raised her alone (after, as we later find out, killing her mom), abused and treated her like a "foot soldier" according to her own words.

I'm sure he told her she was abnormal, shaming her for her desire to hurt people which he obviously placed in her (either by traumatizing her as a kid or by manipulation or even because of his genes)

So she grew up both unable to contain that "urges" and ashamed of herself as a being.

Ultimately she killed him and freed herself from that stifling cage of his control, abuse and mockery.

Another hint it might've been this way is that in season 3 finale as Joan starts to lose it and sees different people she's killed — her father is among them. Appears unexpectedly as hallucination just like the other ones do.

Your true nature will eventually come out, it will have to

If you don't want a new television — don't ask for one

..to have formed such an intimate bond with something so precious only to have it ripped away

She still sees herself as better than this place, better than all the women around her. She wants to prove that even to us. Pathetic. I guarantee you she kept a neat house.

(to her dead Goldfish) What's the matter with you?

Like a shiv or a pregnancy test