many things scare me a lot and then i'll go out and scare myself and then retreat into my burrow to hide from the big scary world until i remember enough un-scary things exist in the world to come out again. i do this to myself every now and then as a hobby mostly bc the act of re-emerging from the burrow gives me such a sense of autonomy/fortification/self-assurance that i did not have prior to the scaring myself. the world is scary but its also big and it's bigger than the burrow and i am willing to meet it - and i have loved ones and a burrow to fall back on when the world meets me first.
#is this bc i had 3 panic attacks in a row this weekend YES#but i dont regret doing any of the things or situations that triggered the panic attacks#and i have only now bigger trust for my partner who v patiently eased me out of all 3 of them#her friends who i had just met helped me feel very normal about having them and the world is softer than im afraid it will be
