hi

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Candy, roses, poems, lube? You want it? It's yours, my friend. As long as you have enough Love.

but also why are people at office jobs getting free donuts more than jobs where you're actually hungry as fuck 😭😭😭 give donuts to anyone doing manual labor and the performative dieting issue will disappear immediately #truthnuke

the male womb is just located deeper in the man. uou have to try harder

I feel like to really get this circulating as it should, we need it superimposed over the picture of the turkey going in the fridge. (I can't do it I'm on my phone.)

With the 250th anniversary it's likely to be especially bad this year!

you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.

@i-am-a-stupid-robot

:|

defunctland episode released immediately upon your death chronicling all failed career paths and relationships and somehow michael eisner is still at fault