it will get you home more quickly

An example of the difficulties with a coal fire would be the coal fire in Centralia, Pennsylvania. This fire broke out in a mine in the Northeast United States and has proven impossible to put out. How impossible you ask? It’s been burning since May 27, 1962.”

Holy shit

“Another issue that has always caused confusion was the Titanic’s speed. It was running at full speed when crossing the Atlantic Ocean, even when there were warnings of icebergs in the area. There were rumors that the ship was trying to break some kind of speed record, but the Titanic was not built for speed. This mammoth ship was a luxury liner. Molony indicates that this could have been caused by the fire-fighting activities.

In order to fight the fire, the stokers had been shoveling the burning coal into furnaces to burn the fire away. If the stokers had been shoveling as much coal as possible that could be the reason for the speed of the ship. As excess coal was burnt, the engines would work harder, generating speed. The stokers had been shoveling coal into the furnaces nonstop for 3 days fighting the fire during the maiden voyage. Molony thinks this is the reason why the ship was going at full speed when it hit the iceberg.”

( DuPage County Register, 26 Apr 1912, Fri, Page 7 - I found this in the Snopes article on the subject)

-immeadiately addressed the left side of the audience and told them he wouldn’t he able to turn and look at them during the show because he had slept on his neck wrong and would instead turn to us and bow-which he did multiple times

-told us that the theatre we were at (the orpheum in LA) was most definitely haunted and to please let him know if there was a ghost on stage with him

-a lady in the audience had a sign that said “marry me” and when john saw it he got very flustered and told the woman he didn’t want to and that he was sure she is “a very nice lady but…uh…I just really don’t want to”

-RAN off stage during a bit about street smarts to emphasize the joke. I mean the man SPRINTED

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.

I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!

One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”

An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”

- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”

oh my god, when will people finally stop doing this. claiming that “everyone gets that” is not helping! at all! yes, everyone can feel inner restlessness sometimes, everyone has difficulty concentrating sometimes, and yes, everyone gets into the “flow” of doing something SOMETIMES. but for us, it’s not just sometimes, it’s constantly which is why it’s classified as a disorder! it comes with impairments. anyway, someone please introduce this person to the term hyperfocus:

“Latching onto a subject is not unique to people with ADHD or Bipolar Disorder. There is a concept called “flow” that most people experience. Flow is a groove. When a person is in flow, focus is heightened, creativity is high, ideas conglomerate seamlessly and one point of focus after another simply falls into place. The ability to focus acutely or find a flow is not the problem with hyperfocus. Like most aspects of life, too much of a good thing can become dysfunctional. Hyperfocus is a problem when the person experiencing it begins to ignore the world around them. Time passes without realizing it. Others are ignored and responsibilities fall by the wayside. At that point, and especially when it happens repeatedly, it’s no longer a positive state like flow, but becomes debilitating.“

For instance you could come home from the store and you just need to put away your groceries and then get the rest of your chores done for the day and while you’re putting the fridge stuff away you see all the veggies and remember you were going to make tomato soup later so you just start making tomato soup and nearly an hour later the soup is simmering and you’re like “I’m not even hungry” and you’re standing there and you notice none of the groceries are put away and hey look there’s that ice cream you bought… still on the counter.