Sometimes with chronic illnesses it feels like your time to shine never ever comes anymore. Everyday is just trying, getting hurt,needing to recover, being too tired to try again, watch the day flies and ends, waking up abd wishing you wouldn't because it's stale and tiring to be so tired and in pain with no hope of a successful moment, of a nice day of satisfying work, of being able to be independant and not burden literally everyone. People had to carry me before, people had to help me out the bathtub, naked and ashamed, people habe to do my chores and my food like im some incapable old woman. And if I'm resting and playing games I feel like i'm a joke to everyone, I feel like I have no worth and that everything I build up and manage to do is just crushed by the fact I can't even bring money if it means being available everydays. The truth is it's just a slow death, I can't always win the fight out of spite,some days the war takes over and you just have you and your pain to collect.