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(my favorite thing in the world is YEARNINGGGGG sick disgusting awful YEARNINGGGGG i hope i was able to convey it even a little bit in this fic lol)
ace is yearning for yuu. but, unfortunately, they're still looking the other way.
maybe even at someone else.
(this is kind of long btw be warned before u click continue reading ^^)
//////////////////////////////////
ace has been noticing yuu lately. too much.
like, noticing them.
the first time was during potionology class. yuu couldn’t work magic very much at all, but they were happy to help hold beakers.
ace grabbed their wrist with one hand to keep it steady as he poured a few drops from each of his vials.
“yay,” yuu whispered, tapping the beaker slightly to help the liquid mix.
they glanced up at ace and smiled, their eyes squeezing shut behind their foggy goggles.
he was still holding their wrist, absentmindedly. just hadn’t thought to let go yet.
fingers around their wrist. their eyes blinking back open from that sweet smile. sweaty in the warm potionology classroom. and their voice, quietly whispering his name.
“ace?” they said, softly.
his lungs froze for a moment.
“sorry,” he muttered, letting go. his hand felt hot. he curled it into a fist.
“ace!” they said, more insistent. “dude!”
and he finally noticed that the potion was starting to smoke, much more than it should've been. that smell was not his heart kicking into overdrive. it was burning glass. the potion was eating through the vial.
they got yelled at by crewel.
ace couldn’t hear a word of it. he kept sneaking glances sideways. he kept looking at yuu.
yuu.
yuu?
yuu is a good friend. yuu is fun to have around. yuu is sweet to him. yuu is doing their best to get home. yuu is just a friend. yuu can’t ever really be anything else. they need to get home.
but he can’t stop thinking about them.
the sparkle in their eyes. the curve of their cheek. the way they turn their head when he calls for them.
he’s resorted to writing their names together on the edge of his notebook. just to stare at it.
he feels sick about it. his stomach flips when they’re nearby. they bump his shoulder casually; they say his name like it’s nothing at all; they don’t hesitate to run up to him in the halls and say hi.
they need to get home.
they’re sitting on his - on his bed, cross-legged, back curled like a shrimp over their homework. they’re gnawing on the edge of a pen, flipping back and forth between two pages.
ace is sitting next to them, red-cheeked, forcing himself to stare down at his textbook.
deuce is getting antsy on the other side of the room.
he throws his hands up into the air, accidentally knocking his notebook to the ground.
“i can’t study anymore,” he grumbles. “this is actually mind-numbing.”
“right?” yuu slams their book shut. ace quickly follows suit.
deuce leans down to pick up his notebook. “wanna eat something?”
“oh my gosh, yes.” yuu grins and reaches for their bag. “guys, you won’t believe what i did. i actually brought snacks today! i -”
they stop short.
“oh, crap.”
“what?”
“i think i forgot everything back at ramshackle.” they dig in the bag for another moment. “yeah. nothing in here.”
“don’t worry about it,” deuce says. “we can just grab something from the kitchen.”
“i guess.” yuu bites their lower lip. “i’m sorry guys. i, um, made cookies before i came here, and i really wanted to bring them. as a surprise. i mean, i would go grab them from ramshackle, but they can wait for another day, i guess. by the time i get back, your roommates will probably be back, anyway, and - ”
“cookies?!” deuce says. “aw, man. that sucks.”
“you’re going to make them walk all the way back to ramshackle at this hour?” ace glares at him. “c’mon, deuce! we can have them some other time.”
“huh? i was just -”
“i would totally go!” yuu pipes up. “as long as you don’t mind me getting back late. i love night walks!”
“yuu -” ace starts.
“well, we could all go with you!” deuce says, leaning forward. “then we could just hang out at your dorm until curfew.”
ace feels his heart stop beating.
“deuce,” he says, slowly, “you really need to study.”
“huh?”
“to study! i know you only passed the last test because cater helped you with flash cards.”
“that’s true, that’s true,” says yuu.
“so maybe we go,” ace says, drilling his eyes into deuce’s, “and you stay.”
please, please, please.
he begs with everything in him. he mouths the words. deuce, i need this.
deuce squints at him. he opens his mouth, stops, nods slowly.
“you know,” he says, his shoulders drooping slightly, “you’re right. i’ll wait here. you guys can bring the cookies back.”
“oh, you sure?” yuu frowns as they swing their legs off the bed. “i don’t want to leave you. it’s fine, really; they can wait for another day -”
“no, nah, go ahead.” deuce glances up at ace. “i’m… fine here?”
ace nods.
“okay,” yuu says. “i guess. study hard, okay?!”
deuce salutes.
~
yuu is a bit of a chatterbox tonight.
ace is quiet.
they haven’t had time yet to talk about their day, too busy studying; so it’s all spilling out of yuu now: how their classes went; that grim probably ate half of the cookies even though they told him over and over he could only have two today; how they’re planning on spending the weekend going through ramshackle’s attic; that crowley tripped in front of them and it took everything they had not to laugh in his face.
ace, meanwhile, is quiet.
his face is burning. his legs feel shaky. he can’t stop staring at them, glancing over as he walks.
their skin is glowing in the moonlight. their lips twitch as they speak.
and ace is alone with them. wholly alone.
this doesn’t happen very often.
ace is quiet.
yuu bumps into him slightly as they turn a corner. just an accident; they’re walking a little too close.
ace clamps his teeth down around his tongue.
“sorry i haven’t shut up.” yuu stretches their arms behind their back. “how about you? how’s it been today?”
“fine,” ace says.
“fine?” they tilt their head slightly. “you sure? you’re not usually this quiet, you know.”
“yeah, i’m okay.” ace sighs through his nose. “just - just tired.”
which is true. he’s been curled up on his side, hands over his face, embarrassed and wide-awake, thinking of yuu.
who needs sleep?
“you sure?” yuu pats his shoulder. “you can always tell me anything, okay?”
so casual! they’re so casual about it! they can touch him, and look at him, and lean towards him, and bite their lip. so casual. no second thoughts! no hesitation! no burning feeling in their chest. no stutter in their breath. just their hand pressed on his shoulder. just their body so near to his.
ace gets a little dizzy.
“i’m alright. i promise.”
maybe in their world, he would be able to tell them. maybe in their world, he would be able to hold their face in his hands. let his lips tremble and his words break. tell them just how much he cared for them.
but how could he ever tell them here in twisted wonderland?
they don’t belong here. they don’t belong with you. they can never, ever belong with you.
“well, alright.” yuu eyes him as they walk. “you - you can tell me, okay? tell me anything.”
“okay.”
“i want you to feel comfortable with me, ace.”
ironic.
“yeah?”
“i feel pretty comfortable with you.”
he thinks about saying yeah again, but there’s no force left in his throat.
“sometimes i feel like i could tell you anything.”
yuu gnaws on their thumbnail for a second. they’re staring straight ahead. they’re not looking at ace anymore.
“can i?” they whisper.
their skin is glowing in the moonlight. their hair is glowing in the moonlight. their lips are glowing in the moonlight. they are warm. they are real. they are standing right next to ace trappola. they are blinking up at him, their gaze meeting his. they are mouthing it again. can i tell you anything?
he nods.
yuu nods back.
they push open their front door.
grim is right there, stamping his feet.
“about time!” he squeals. “i ate too many cookies and got myself sick! you weren’t here to comfort me!”
“crap.” yuu winces. “grim, grim i - i told you -”
“i know, i know.” he crosses his arms and pouts.
they melt a little bit and lean down to pick him up. they kiss the top of his head.
“we’re just grabbing cookies,” yuu says. “i’m heading back to heartslabyul after this.”
“no!”
“you shouldn’t have eaten too many and made yourself sick! stop complaining.”
they motion for ace to follow them into the kitchen, and shoot him an apologetic look. one second, they mouth. “oh, grim -”
the counter is littered with crumbs. only a handful of cookies are left. “how many did you eat?!”
“i’m sorry!” grim wails.
yuu puts the remaining cookies into a paper bag and lifts it towards ace. “we’re good to go.”
can i tell you anything. can i tell you anything. can i tell you anything.
“great!” he says.
“grim,” yuu whispers, right into his little ear, “if i need to have tea with ace and talk to him alone, will you go to your bed, please? for me? just until we leave.”
“no!” grim squirms in their arms. “i don’t want to be alone again! it’s cold!”
“grim,” yuu says, sternly. “after eating all my cookies, this is the least you can do.”
grim sulks. yuu melts again.
“oh, alright. you can stay. just be quiet.”
tea with ace. talk to him alone.
ace hovers behind them in the kitchen.
“uh. should i - ?”
“oh, i got it.” they motion to their table. “just sit down! i’ll be over in a sec. sorry. i hope you don’t mind this? i know deuce is waiting, but…”
their voice trails off. ace can hear what they’re trying to say. i need to tell you this right now or my entire body might implode.
ace sits. he keeps his back stiff against the chair.
his hands are so sweaty. he wipes them off on his pants.
alone. talk to him alone. alone.
he wipes his hands on his pants again. his heart is thundering, loud and fast in every vein. he can hear it thumping in between his ears.
he stares at his hands, folded on the table, and then glances back up at yuu.
they’re filling the kettle with water; grim is perched on their shoulder like a parrot, a parasite, some kind of pest. something filling the space. something wedged between the two of them.
alone. i need to talk to him alone.
ace is dizzy again. he shuts his eyes and lets the world spin around him.
yuu shuts a cupboard; sets a mug down; grabs a tea bag; they move so efficiently, so cleanly through the air. ace is so clumsy. they are so natural.
“i’m almost done,” they call to him.
ace nods.
he can’t say anything to them right now. his chest is tight. his ears are ringing.
yuu brings the kettle over, and pours him a cup of tea.
then one for themself.
they sit down across from him and wrap their hands around their mug.
grim settles in on their lap.
ace doesn’t dare speak.
ace doesn’t dare breathe.
ace doesn’t dare sip his tea, even as yuu brings theirs to their lips.
“grim will fall asleep in a minute,” they whisper.
“no, i won’t,” grim says, but his words are already starting to slur.
yuu sips their tea and glances down.
“he’s out,” they say, softly.
so it’s just the two of them.
alone.
what did you want to tell me? ace needs to ask. what was it? he needs to curl into himself, tight, wrap his arms around his knees, fold himself away like a suitcase. what was it?
but he still can’t speak. his throat has clenched tight.
“ace,” yuu says, “i need to talk to you. about something.”
they keep their voice soft. their hands are shaking as they bring the mug back to their lips.
ace squeezes his cup with both hands.
okay, he mouths.
his stomach is churning.
and surely it’s not. and surely it’s not. but they are nervous, and they are blushing, and they are dragging their hands down their face in a very familiar way.
but surely it’s not.
ace can feel how hot his face is. it’s like the skin is melting from the bone. his fingers are starting to go numb.
“it’s nothing bad.” yuu winces. “don’t worry. it’s just… i don’t know. i can’t stop thinking about it.”
“okay,” ace forces out. his voice shocks him in the still air. he sucks another breath in. “okay.”
“don’t look so nervous!” yuu sets their face in their hands. “it’s - ah. it’s nothing. don’t get nervous about it.”
“if you’re dragging it out like this,” ace grumbles, “it’s going to make me nervous.”
“sorry. sorry.” they roll their neck back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. “it’s, okay. i, like, it’s not that big a deal. but i think i might have a crush on someone.”
ace’s mouth falls open.
“just a crush!” yuu insists. their eyes are wide. “i’ve barely even - even talked to them. it’s just a stupid, stupid crush. but it’s taking over my life. and i needed to tell someone about it.”
“who is it?” ace wheezes. his vision is blurring a little bit.
“ugh, no one.” yuu takes a big gulp of tea, and then coughs. it’s too hot still. “uh, um. it’s really embarrassing.”
“no, of course not. go right ahead.”
surely ace is not the one talking right now. surely someone else is handling this smooth, effective conversation. because he is about to pass out, honestly.
“not like i have a chance or anything.” they sigh. “it’s, uh.” they shut their eyes tight and speak down, towards their mug. not towards ace. “malleus. malleus draconia,” they clarify, like he needs his last name too. no, no, don’t worry. he knows who malleus is.
“malleus,” ace repeats.
“malleus.”
and if ace was so speechless at the way yuu said his name, how would malleus feel about the way they said his? so breathless. awed. almost like a prayer, a hymn, a miracle.
they said ace’s name only like a promise.
he clenches his fist around his mug.
“it’s stupid, right?” yuu laughs softly, and covers their mouth with one hand. “i’ve only spoken to him a few times, but he’s… he’s so gentle towards me. and he’s… he’s handsome.”
yes, of course he is.
malleus draconia. malleus draconia! of course, of course, of course. ace glances down and sees his reflection staring back in his tea. plain, boring old ace trappola. of course they’d never think twice about something like you.
“sorry for making such a big deal out of it.” yuu shakes their head and leans back in their chair. “i don’t know why having a crush is so awful. it feels like i’m being ripped in two. shouldn’t it feel good? i would think it should feel good.”
ace stares at his reflection in the tea.
“ace?” yuu asks. “you there?”
“yeah,” he says, looking up from his cup. “sorry.”
you are not going to cry in front of yuu just because they like someone else. you are NOT going to cry in front of yuu just because they like someone else. you are NOT.
ace clenches his jaw.
“you know,” he says, stiffly, “that he’s a fae, right?”
“huh? well, yeah.”
“a fae,” he repeats. “he’s going to live for centuries. and you - you don’t even know if you’re going to stay here! not to mention that he’s a prince!”
“i know!” yuu narrows their eyes at him. “of course i know all that. it’s just a crush, man. i’m not asking him out or anything.”
ace’s cheeks have been burning since the moment yuu stepped into his room this afternoon, but right now, they turn to pure molten lava. his entire face is hot. his entire neck is hot. his shoulders, even.
the two sips of tea sit heavy in his stomach.
“i mean, surely you’ve felt this too, right?” they swallow hard. it echoes through the room. “some crush you can never, like, actually be with?”
thinking about being betrayed again, just tied or leashed down to a bed or room and just left there, my pleas ignored as I desperately beg you to just not leave me alone, that I will do anything, give anything, just to not be left alone. left with nothing to keep my occupied but my thoughts, I want to feel my emotions just fully shatter and my self fully break. I would keep hoping for you to come back, I would keep pleading and calling out for you. after enough time I think I would just curl up and break. when you finally returned, I would be so loyal, I would do anything just to please you, to prevent you from leaving again. I would sob and cry and hold tightly and no matter how much you hurt me from that point on I don't think I would be able to pull myself away.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming