Self--indulgent blog

Currently, you're preoccupied with a gaming console that'd been set up in the green room not too long ago, given that you're waiting in between shows to guest-star once more on Null's. Speaking of of the show host, he's also preoccupied with the gaming console – if you can call "watching you play in dead silence" as preoccupied – since he claims he also needs a break now and then. You're not one to question this, so you let yourself get immersed in the old-school style of gameplay, ignorant to the way Null sits beside you with a leg crossed over the other and his arms folded, his height closer to yours for once.

It's a bit awkward, all things considered. He's not exactly super friendly, but at least he doesn't yell at you like you've seen him do with his employees.

Speaking of which... Some of them are gawking at the two of you again, as you've noticed in between levels. They're not subtle about it, openly pointing and talking amongst each other in hushed whispers, and after their chatting distracts you one too many times, you glance over your shoulder during a lapse in the gameplay, before looking over at Null. "Any idea what their deal is?"

You watch the way Null angles his screen toward you slightly, then sighs and turns it away again. "Don't mind them. They're not worth the energy."

"I'd love to, but I can't really focus with all their gossiping."

The top of his frame twitches slightly, and he sighs again. "Fine."

He stands, and you watch confusedly as he proceeds to verbally tear into the nearby employees that'd been distracting you. Initially, you want to tell him to stop, but given that they hardly cower under his yelling and even begin giggling, which only pisses him off more, you're left even more perplexed than before.

This place is so weird...

Later on, following the last show for the night, Null instructs you to come with him to his office. You can't help feeling nervous, even more so when the employees nearby that hear this begin gossiping to each other again, but you decide to keep quiet and go along, lest you upset him too. Hopefully he's not planning to reprimand or scold you too harshly, as you can only assume that's what's going to happen.

Upon arriving, he has you sit at the couch while he grabs something from his desk. Then, you're startled when he sits himself absurdly close to you, causing you to instinctively scoot away some, laughing nervously. "Woah, uh, sorry, I didn't think you would—"

Null's sigh cuts you off, and when you look up at him, he's faintly shaking his head. "Forget it," He murmurs, before turning his focus to the papers he hands over to you.

While you do take them when prompted, you're confused again. "No, what is it?"

"It's none of your concern. Now, look here at this chart."

Null points to a certain graph on the paper and starts explaining the latest ratings to you, completely disregarding what had happened a moment ago. You decide to brush it off, assuming that it likely was an accident that he sat himself so close to you.

You try your best to disregard the way your heart fluttered in response to the initial proximity, however.

As he explains the various numbers to you, you suddenly jolt at the sensation of something slipping across your backside. Your head whips back, and just as Null questions what the hell you're doing, you reach back and grab at what you're feeling. You grip hard onto what feels like some kind of cord, and when you pull it out, you're briefly whacked against the arm by the end of the cord, which resembles the usual plug-in for an electronic.

"What is—"

"Don't mind that." Null stops you. The cord swiftly yanks itself from your hold, and it then occurs to you that it's...moving around on its own? Your eyes trail down the length of the cord, though you pause when it looks to slip behind Null too.

"...Is that yours?"

Another sigh. "...Technically, yes."

"Ooh, really?" You perk up at this admission. Carefully, you reach back out to touch it again, however the cord jerks away from you this time, slipping itself over Null's lap. You relent, chuckling, "Sorry, sorry. But— I mean, how come I'm only just now seeing it if this is yours? It's been attached to you this whole time?"

"You try having what's essentially a tail out around these guys. They'll grab and pull it, just like you did."

The emphasis followed by Null turning his head to you in what feels like a sharp glare causes you to swiftly tilt your head down to the papers in your hands. Guiltily, you murmur, "...Sorry..."

...Another sigh. "Just don't do it again."

Honestly, you were fully expecting him to lash out at you for that one, but you're not about to complain that he's being weirdly lax with you. Not only that, but as he goes back to going over the papers with you, his cord inexplicably slips off from his lap and around your backside again. While you do visibly take notice of this again, enough to make Null pause, you don't try to grab for it again.

Still, you can't help wondering what brought this on. You've been in his office before, and as far as you know, there's no special occasion going on...

As the two of you continue talking, you can't help noticing just how much Null sighs. When there's a lapse in the conversation or you say something that seems to give him pause again, there's another sigh. You can't help asking after losing count, "...Is something wrong?"

"No." He answers too quickly.

"You seem upset."

"I'm not."

You don't really believe that, especially since when you look to Null, he's pointedly angling his screen away. "Is it about the ratings? I-I mean, from what I understand, they seem fine... Are you trying to tell me something with this?"

Null finally turns his head to you, and after what feels like another stern glare, he sighs again, seemingly agitated now, as he turns away again. "You're really not getting it, huh..."

Your heart starts to race in your chest, a cold sweat developing in your palms. "...Apparently not. Tenna, just tell me if I'm ruining your show or something, you don't have to be subtle about it like what you're doing right—"

"Doll, I'm going to list off a few things to you, and it's your job to figure it out from there." Null leans back into the couch, lifting one of his legs to rest the ankle on his lower leg's knee. "First off, you're not ruining the show – I would've kicked you off ages ago if that were the case."

While the fear of your initial suspicions dissipates, you're still left with uncomfortable jitters in both your stomach and your hands. He continues, "Second off, I didn't keep any entertainment in my green room until you showed up."

"...Because I asked for something to pass the time?"

Null clicks his tongue with a short chuckle, turning his head away further but unable to suppress the way he murmurs, "Good fucking god..." Then, he quickly clears his throat and turns back to you. "Alright then. Third off, I consider breaks a waste of my time."

"...But I thought you said you needed them?"

"Have you ever heard of lying?"

"Wh— Oh shut up!" You swiftly smack Null in the chest with the papers in your hand. Instead of catching an attitude with you like you expected, he actually snorts a little in response, snatching the papers from you just as you try to pull back. It's your turn to sigh now. "Yes, I've heard of lying. But— I just— Why?"

"Why do you think?" Using his arm furthest from you, Null leans his elbow against the arm of the couch. Judging by the smirk he gives you, he's really getting a kick out of...whatever's happening now. Teasing? Belittling? Mocking?

"Here's another hint: I could've been all kinds of livid with you for what you did to my cord earlier, but I wasn't. Why is that?"

...You're confused again. Apparently, the furrow of your brow gives this away, as he begins to chuckle again. "Yea, of course you don't get it."

"Well— Yea, because I don't know what you're talking about, Tenna. I—"

"Did I mention I don't have this thing out around my employees? Or anyone else, for that matter?" As he says this, you instantly tense up at the feeling of the cord in question nudging against your side furthest from Null. You glance down at it, startling when you suddenly feel it practically pulling you closer to his side. Your head whips back up to him, your heart beginning to race again, yet he doesn't seem to acknowledge this and continues, "Don't make me feel like I took it out of its tie for once for no reason now, doll."

Even as your face burns, you still don't really understand what he's getting at here, aside from taking amusement in your confusion. Timidly, you shake your head. "I— I don't—"

"C'mon, _____, I know you're smarter than this." Null sits up, only to lean closer to you specifically, huffing with another smirk when you quickly lean back to try and keep a bit of space between the two of you. "What would you think is happening if you saw me treating anyone else like this?"

Your brows furrow again, followed by a strange twisting in your stomach. Before you can think of what that means though, Null seems to catch your shift regardless and huffs, "It's just a hypothetical. Don't get jealous now."

"Jealous?"

"Keep thinking. If you saw me treating anyone else the way I do with you, including now, what would you think is happening?"

"...That you care about them?"

"More. Try again."

"More?"

"Correct." Using the papers in his hold now, Null grips one end of them whilst using the other end to nudge your chin up and angle your head to come face-to-face with his screen now. You quietly swallow when he leans close again. "I don't treat anyone else with the amount of patience that I apparently have to give you. But I've been getting real tired of this game of cat and mouse we're playing, doll, unintentional or not. So either figure it out now, or I'm making you figure it out."

...

Whether the realization dawns on you or not, you can't help asking in a near whisper, "...What do you plan to do to make me—"

The cord around your waist pulls you closer again, enough for your thigh to press into his now, and just as you faintly gasp at this, Null closes what little space is left between you and his screen. His lips are warm and tingly against yours, and the kiss is so firm yet prolonged that you inhale sharply through your nose when the situation completely dawns on you.

You quickly pull away, your hand flying up to partially cover your still tingling mouth. Your heart's threatening to implode at this point. "W-Wait, what?! You just—!"

Something in Null's expression makes you pause. Gone is the cheeky smirk he's been giving you this whole time, replaced with something closer to his usual frown, but less...angry? He slowly leans back into the couch again, settling the papers back on his lap.

Thankfully, it's easy for you to sense this time around that he feels rejected after that kiss. You scramble to grab for his hands, latching onto the fact that he's not shoving you off. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean— I liked it— The kiss, I mean. I like you, Tenna, I-I just wasn't sure if you—"

During your rambling, you notice how Null's frown relaxes, until he cuts you off with a click of his tongue. He chuckles almost warmly as the end of his cord thumps against your leg, commenting, "Yea, no shit you weren't sure."

You pout. "Well you're a little too subtle about liking me, if that's the case."

"If? If?" Despite still laughing, Null furrows the top of his frame, seemingly unamused to a degree. "You're still not sure? Doll, what else do you need to make sure? You're running me ragged here."

Thoroughly embarrassed, but emboldened by his gesture, you swallow before asking, "...Well... How about another kiss?"

That gets him to tilt his head back against the backside of the couch, murmuring between chuckles, "Fucking hell..." After a long moment, he straightens up again and looks to you, a strange dusting of what looks like faint colored bars across his screen now. "You want another one, huh? In that case, you come and get it this time. Maybe I need some convincing too."

Without another word, you shift from where you sit to settle yourself on your knees beside him. The cord around your waist tightens slightly, and Null's hand closest to you plants itself on your back to tug you closer as you lean up to kiss him this time, your own hands resting on his shoulders. His screen is much warmer now, or perhaps that's your own face...or even both. The idea that you've elicited as much from Null makes you subconsciously grip onto him a little tighter, prompting his cord to squeeze you in response. You gasp into his mouth, which only makes him chuckle against yours, before the hand at your back slides up to hold the back of your head.

You're sure he's going to hold this over your head for ages, considering all the guiding it took to get here, but if this is what you get as a result, then...you think you can handle the inevitable endless teasing.

It was well into winter.

The heater was working overtime all week, and the cold outside was enough to frost over the big glass windows of the hospital's front entryway. No one liked that, both employees and patients— for you it made it hard to tell when someone was coming in, the dull chime of the automatic door kicking to life had long since been tuned out since you've joined the staff a couple of months ago. For the patients it made it hard to tell if there was anyone waiting at the front desk, even worse when it was an emergency.

No one liked to wait, and you tried to be understanding as you checked in another face you were sure to forget before the end of your shift.

Dr. Harlow had been kind enough to provide some instant hot cocoa for those who had to work the night shift when it was cooler— though that didn't at all stop from those who were lucky enough to work during the day to snag a couple of scoops of the powder. At least one of them had been kind enough to leave a box of cookies, a neatly written note left behind to give the go ahead to take as much as you'd like. It was probably from that rather mysterious black cat that joined not long after you came around; they weren't the chattiest but they were polite enough to their coworkers.

Patients were another thing, though…

Not that it mattered to you, it was just you tonight working the check in. The secretary, who's name you learned to be Marion, wasn't working with you tonight. Typically they would take one window, and you would take the other… unfortunately for you, they were out sick. Not sick enough to come in as a patient thankfully, but still just enough to be stuck in bed.

A cold, you think.

Needless to say it was a nightmare trying to keep up with the constant stream of patients and visitors who came up to the counter to check in, most shivering from the cold outside despite being bundled up.

Check the papers. Snap a picture. Run the data and print it. Send the patient off, and slam the door on those who looked sketchy. Rinse and repeat.

Check. Snap. Computer. Print.

Check. Snap. Computer. Print.

Check. Snap. Computer. Print.

It was mind numbing, so of course when there was a break in the constant line of animals coming in you took the chance to turn around the little metal kettle that was sat up on the table next to the coffee maker. If you were tempted enough you could try to run the hot cocoa powder through the coffee maker… though… you weren't all that interested in finding out the hard way if that would ruin the machine— lord knew those actually tending to the patients would hate you for it… and it was better to not get on anyone's bad side so early on…

You could double team it. Start getting more water ready while you drank the first, if you were desperate enough. Steal a cookie while you were at it… you had forgotten your lunch back at home before you went in for your shift.

But just as the taste of cocoa and short bread could tease your tongue a quiet voice caught your attention and forced you to look back at the check in counter—

"…'cuse me—" It was Ratthew, his head barely poking out from the top of the counter. You saw his big round ears before you registered the frost clinging to his furred brow and muzzle. Not a coat or scarf in sight as his hands wrapped tight around his shivering form, "Is it alright if I sit in the waiting room for a bit? The vents— I mean…" He trailed off, teeth chattering and clacking between each syllable.

You hadn't heard him come in— didn't hear the door chime as it opened for him. Not that it mattered, as your hands pressed against the top of the cold counter… it wasn't all that much warmer in the office, but it was certainly better than outside.

It was warmer in the office, just a little bit toastier than it was in the main lobby area. Another plus from having coworkers that actually looked after one another in these crazy times— someone had brought in a small space heater to tuck under the counter; and it was currently warming your side as you watched Ratthew continue to fumble with his fur.

You could get in trouble for letting someone behind the counter… but would anyone find out? Marion wasn't here, and the coffee machine had just recently been raided by the nurse not too long ago… so no one should come in for a cup anytime soon.

Even if you were caught… would they really hold it against you? Was the point of a hospital not to provide care?

For a moment you considered it— just a moment, not a second later.

"You can come on in here, if you're willing—" The sentence barely left your mouth before Ratthew's ears perked right up, sending the small bits of snow that hadn't melted yet flying into the air. "It's warmer in here, and maybe…"

You glanced at the kettle… it wouldn't hurt to give him a mug, even if you had to wait to make yours.

"Thanks— means a lot, been looking for somewhere to warm up for a few minutes, I won't stay for long promise—!" Ratthew was already making his way for the door. He had enough manners to wait for you to open it for him, even if it was unlocked. "I'm sure you might get in trouble if I'm caught so I won't stay for longer than I need to."

"I'm sure the others won't mind all that much, besides it's not like we don't already know you," kind of. Most of the staff already knew of Ratthew… but if you asked any of them what the rat's hobbies were, everyone would draw up a blank. "Plus you don't really ever ask for anything unlike…" You trailed off. What was his name again? Usually it was Marion who dealt with him, albeit begrudgingly.

"Still," Ratthew sighed quietly as he practically melted in front of the heater. The shorter animal completely skipped pulling up a chair, instead plopping himself on the floor a few feet away from the thing. You couldn't say you blamed him; if you were just wandering around with any weather appropriate clothes you'd probably do the exact same. "I can't help but worry is all, I mean not many people take too kindly to a rat just sitting around. I… tried to sit out in the cafe down the street… tried to get a drink too…" He trailed off for a moment.

Ratthew didn't even need to ask— if he was even looking for anything— you were already standing by the make shift coffee bar getting the kettle ready to boil, one of the spare mugs already in your hand with a few scoops of hot cocoa mix dusting the inside of the glass a light brown.

"Got chased off with a broom as soon as they noticed me… absolutely terrible customer service! …Hah…!" His laugh was dry as he shimmied in front of the heater.

"Are you hungry? Someone brought in cookies earlier, it's not much but I'd hate to send you out without offering anything first— we got more than enough too," You mumbled quietly as the kettle began to shriek.

He didn't answer, he didn't need to. The low growl of his stomach betrayed him before he could take you up on your offer with his words.

"You sure? Because I can put down a few cookies—" Ratthew looked at you over his shoulder, eyes instantly locking on the box of cookies as you flipped open the lid. He didn't even try to be subtle. "Well if you insist—"

A nice hot cup of hot cocoa, and a small stack of short bread cookies that in your opinion weren't the best— the frosting was too sweet and the dough was too dry, but Ratthew seemed to have no problem with it as he chowed down.

"It's been a minute since I got my hands on one of these, brings me right back to when mom would bring some home…" Ratthew said through a mouthful of artificial pink frosting. He was near ravenous with it, quickly tearing into a second cookie.

"Yeah? I never much cared for them, so you can have my share of them," You murmured as you settled yourself against the counter— you'd join him on the floor if your back wasn't aching from the crappy office chair you were given… besides, you needed to keep an eye out for patients anyway. No doubt you'd get an odd look if someone came in and saw you jump up from the floor.

"Really? You sure? 'Cuz there's not backing out one you've agreed!"

You only offered a nod as you glanced at the sliding doors— someone was coming in. Back to work mode… so much for getting a short break to make a mug of hot cocoa… though…

With one last glance towards the floor where Ratthew sat, his tiny furred body had stopped shivering. Small hands wrapped around the mug you had given him. It was only then that you saw the thinned and patchy look of his black fur.

He had needed that more than you.