#worldcast

[Which, at the moment, is worldcasting from the shores of Table Rock Lake some distance from that acme and epitome of conservative "cultural identity" known otherwise as Branson, Missouri where--]

SIS, somewhat excitedly: Broadcasting as we are from somewhere in the Missouri/Arkansas Ozarks region, we'd like to bring on as our guests to this worldcasting misadventure Maw Rugg and youngest son Shag Rugg, of The Hillbilly Bears!

HONEY: As if we weren't aware of the fact already--

SIS: Now the reason we invited you over was that you two have something of a fetish--

MAW RUGG, not too indignant yet at the same time trying to hold her ground: Actually, you might say it's more of a hobby Shag and I have been doing for some time since I began teaching Shag how to swim in the river down in the bottoms about a couple hills over.

SHAG RUGG, excited in "excitable boy" stylee: And can you guess what we've been finding in the river while swimmin' underwater?

HONEY: We can hardly be as excited.

MAW RUGG: What Shag's been seeking to mention here is that the stream close to where we reside in the holler up from its banks a ways happens to have quite a bed of freshwater pearls ... and can you just BELIEVE how many pearls we've managed to take in a typical session?

SHAG RUGG: I myself have taken about a dozen such pearls in one dive myself, but on average, you can find about six or seven if it's good enough.

MAW RUGG: That's close to the same numbers I've found myself while diving ... and I'd like you to see a few examples of the freshwater pearls we've found over recent days....

[Which prompts much oohing and aahing on the parts of Your Imcomparable Hosts, as well as much ad-libbing about the sizing and shape being practically close to prefection, even when compared with pearls from tropical Pacific waters.]

MAW RUGG: And what's equally fascinating is that a few of the neighbours out in Hog Waller have been in on the diving experience, hoping to find a couple such pearls in their dives as might be enough to trade for some groceries or supplies at the crossroads store.

HONEY: Now what exactly are the waters like, to be particular about it?

SHAG RUGG, getting perhaps a little ahead of himself: You just won't believe it--those waters can get to be rather refreshing to dive in on such muggy summer's afternoons as seem to be the rule every now and then, and the waters are remarkably clear and blue--

MAW RUGG: I should apologise for Shag being something of a getting-ahead-of-himself boaster--

HONEY: Which is quite okay for a kid of his age.

MAW RUGG, continuing:--but I can certainly admit that for such a stream as we go to, what could be a more exciting afternoon, especially when the waters feel so cool and refreshing against an especially naked body; I feel such is perhaps the best way to dive, should you ask me, and we also manage to stumble upon a rather unlikely bed or two of shells as itself produces such remarkable freshwater pearls unlike anything known!

SIS: Now, about how deep would the waters be?

MAW RUGG: About eight or ten feet deep tops. But I can assure you that on average, Shag dives down to about six feet; I don't want to force him to dive unrealistically deep relative to his age, but then again, he can get ahead of himself.

HONEY: Which I won't blame you for.

SHAG RUGG: And what pearls can be found in the waters of that stream....

HAIR BEAR, with swagger of the utmost degree: I have to admit there, gals, that being vagabonds of the road, rather than being cramped up in a grossly mismanaged zoo, is certainly an improvement for us bears like myself! And did I mention the Secret Surf and Dive Spot we happen to have somewhere close to Malibu?

SIS: I think you did in passing a while ago.

HAIR BEAR: Sometimes, I forget the little things of this sort.

HONEY: We'll never hold it against you.

SIS: I certainly have to acknowledge there that you're rather wonderful in the swimming and diving arena; I think we ran across you the other day while we were diving in Lake Betty, and I could barely notice you....

HAIR BEAR: We do enjoy a brisk little dive every now and then, me, Square and Bubi ... and can you just imagine the diving tales Peter Potamus manages to relate big time? Heck, yours truly joined Peter Potamus for some fish fry the other night, and he can certainly floor you big time with diving stories over in Polynesia Uncharted like you wouldn't believe!

SIS: Which I probably would believe more than likely ... and what exactly explains your charm appeal with the female bears such as manages your crew being able to mate with them in the wild?

HAIR BEAR: Just think of myself as a natural-born romantic-type bear ... and Square as something of a sex-hungry sort. When all is said and done, believe you me, the sows just go crazy for us, and boy, does the experience feel wonderful!

HONEY: I should say it would for yourselves!

HAIR BEAR: Especially when rounded out with some rather delectable supper!

HONEY, with much excitement in the voice: Talk about your Most Unlikely Kith and Kin out and about!

SIS, somewhat dumbfounded: I'm breathlessly waiting to hear the latest news in this respect.

HONEY: It just so happens that Lippy the Lion ... Drooper from The Banana Splits ... and The King "himself" could actually be most unlikely COUSINS!!

SIS: So what does that make us, Honey?

HONEY: And might I just add that Skids, himself from The King's crew, turns out to be related in a way to Wally Gator!

SIS, rather surprised at the revelation: I NEVER knew the likelihood thereof! And I understand Wally is likely to be offering a complementary diving lesson to Skids!

HONEY: Which leaves you wondering how much else of The King's crew might be unlikely kith-and-kin among fellow Funtastics, as if we never knew about the likelihood beforehand ... and did I mention to you about Yukayuka's latest hobby?

SIS: Let me guess: Collecting old Johnson Smith mail-order catalogues.

HONEY: How did you know that?!

SIS: I was talking with him rather casually the other day--off-air, mind you--at the cabin which The King's crew is sharing, and Yukayuka was showing me a pile of these old catalogs selling all manner of campy gags, jokes and novelties which could be played on the unsuspecting.

HONEY: We certainly KNOW about Yukayuka's penchant for practical gags and jokes!

SIS: But even then, looking at these old catalogues, you just wouldn't BELIEVE the extent and nature of such gag material as you could buy with the allowance money....

SIS, somewhat myopically: Sooooo, Honey, what exactly ought we be doing next with our shortwave station in terms of the grand scheme of worldcasting when the shortwave audience least expects it, to begin with?

HONEY: So what exactly do we usually do with our surprise shortwave worldcasts, to begin with?

SIS: Setting aside the Banana Splits and Cattanooga Cats presences, and the concert worldcasts, I assume you have much about the presence of us fellow Hanna-Barberians here in Rex Beach as is certain to attract listeners--not to mention the QSL reports.

HONEY: Like whom?

SIS: I assume we two know plenty ... and who exactly came up with the idea of having this Puerto Rican coffee; I can't believe it has such richness writ all over!

So what was perhaps the farthest “off the track,” so to speak, that Honey and Sis did one of their “pop-up” shortwave worldcasts from, with substantial QSL response in the bargain?

SIS, getting rather excited: I couldn't help but be rather surprised when we got in the mail the other day a couple packages of this St. Moritz Cafe--and in the whole-bean form, besides!

HONEY, being rather casual about it: I do have to admit to our listeners that we prefer grinding our own coffee to get the freshest flavour and richness ... and on top of having a "pour-over" coffeemaker, besides! [Pause, followed by a somewhat incredulous tone--] "St. Moritz Cafe"?! As in that rather elegant ski resort in Switzerland, of all places?

SIS: How right you are. Besides, did you know that St. Moritz is the only resort town anywhere in the world that has registerd its name and stylee as a trademark, of all things?

HONEY: Now imagine Branson, Missouri, in its tackiness of overbaked patriotic jingouism, seeking a trademark in its own right just to protect its cachet--

SIS: Especially considering its appeal to Such of a Certain Class--howbeit low. But at any rate, considering St. Moritz' prestige and cachet, is it any wonder they feel it deserving of trademark status, even to the extent of licencing and merchandising?

HONEY: And we know who St. Moritz appeals to. But at any rate, how was it possible that you were able to get that St. Moritz coffee, to begin with?

SIS: Online ... where else?

SIS, over some cheesy insturmental music of a sort as seems to be a staple with this worldcaster: Just be thankful, Honey--as well as you listeners out there--that you're not listenting to such late-night "cookie cutter" pablum as deals in conspiracies and other irrational nonsense.

HONEY, over same music: Nonsense, believe you me, that not even Scooby-Doo would likely reach with the proverbial ten-foot pole ... and nonsense of a "religious" sort as seemed to dominate those rather obnoxiously high-powered Mexican-based stations of our parents' and our grandparents' time at this same general time of night.

SIS: Yet still, you had quite a few people, especially "out in the country," to use a phrase where I happen to come from, listening to such nonsense all night--as if hillbilly music wasn't distraction enough at half a megawatt!

HONEY: And responding to such unbelievably tacky mail-order offers wholesale....

SIS: But just be glad for one thing: At least you're listening to shortwave radio as it was meant to be. Come to think of it, we could use the QSL reports to see where you're receiving this current worldcast....