#working while chronically ill

If I could I would literally lay in bed the entire time to rest and recover. But nooo I am still feeling the external stress and pressure to function and to push through and… I just realised I’m a fucking people pleaser ugh - anyway.

Tomorrow I have to walk into the city which is like 10min walk if ur a healthy person who isn’t in pain. Last time I did that route it took me 30min with over 6 breaks while using my walking cane as aid but still had to sit down for over 6 times bcs my right hip kept either locking up or I was leaning to the right worse and worse and it would cause me pain or my pots being like ✨ 170bpm ✨

Im mourning the loss of my pre April 2023 Covid Infection me who could walk 5k-10k-20k if needed and was able to jump around and be silly and run and do physical activities and all that. Now I’m limited to doing short walks but even those are painful. I’m relying on Ubers to get to work and back…idk how to begin with I’m managing to still work 40h a week as a customer support agent.

I also might be having seizures again, my hours have been cut, and so far no one will hire me for at least a job I can sit down doing that works with my kid.

Today going to look into that outschool thing, try to brainstorm how to teach the only thing that I know how to do, drawing, online somehow with only a phone to record. And get the rest of my art digitalized to sell.

I’m so fatigued and everything is hurting. Everything is so tensed up.

While I ate dinner tonight it hurt so much to open my mouth bcs my jaw was so tensed up…

I do not know when I take vacation time. I need it dearly but I know the moment I have off time, my health is fucking me over.

But I survived somehow. I basically sat 99% of the time. Had a little bit of alcohol but not too much and when I started to get eepy and yawning I actually called an uber to go home and at 1:15am I was back home so I call that a success bcs I kept my limits and didn’t overstay out of politeness or fear.

My POTS is going brrr. I have 151bpm when standing and doing light walking.

My hand and leg joints are tingling and hurting and causing me numbness.

My psoriasis is itchy as hell.

My head feels like it’s going to explode.

I feel 24/7 as if something bad will happen to me.

Got myself as a reward some foodie food :3

But I walked a lot and I feel energised and am back home and I even saw a movie set which was a pure coincidence bcs I almost walked on the movie set on the street while they were filming this idk documentary or old movie (???) not exactly sure but still funny.

I slept shit last night but despites that I pushed through (I know I know shouldn’t do that might cause crash later) and I had 40 calls today which was a bit too much for my own taste. Monday and Tuesday with only 25-30 calls it felt too nice lol.

Maybe , maybe if the pots meds work , I might be able to walk to and back to work which would help me a lot for my weight loss and for my all in all condition. I want to be able to walk again longer distances 🥹

I hope yall are proud of me for my little wins and achievements today 👉🏻👈🏻

First I thought oh yeah it’s just Wednesday off due to Funeral of my grandpa and then Thursday and Friday is vacation days and the weekend so I can decompress a bit.

Sunday I realised that it wasn’t the case. My cat died. My health declined and I had to go to the doctor and she gave me sick leave and I got more pills again for the pain.

I really needed these 2 weeks. I was able to rest but I realised how chronically ill I am in actuality than I thought I was…

I’m so quickly fatigued these last few days. Even standing up is like sending me to rollercoaster town on two feet where I have to sit down asap before me blacking out 😬

Glad that I don’t have a standing job. All I have to do is sit for 8h almost and talk to people at the phone and hope they won’t yell at me.