#potsyndrom

So yeah it went as expected I guess. Some family members were nice tho and cared about me and one family member came to my room after church service and we talked a bit and he agreed that since I had Covid that I got pots and me/cfs.

Unfortunately during church service I had an episode and I got several high heart rate alerts. Luckily the family member after church was like hey we can drive back home it’s ok if u don’t feel ok. So I’m glad I didn’t have to stay longer and socialise with ppl from church.

I think I pushed myself tho on the 26th bcs I had to walk to the city and back home on that day to an outing with a family friend and the whole family. So a walk that usually takes 10min it took me 23min + 4 pit stops of sitting down on the way. On the way back it was 20min and 4 pit stops as well. I even ended up in zone 4 and 5 for a very slow walk which idk if that’s normal , I’ll assume it’s not normal.

As you can see in the outdoor walk report data I was walking slow and still ended up with such values 😭

wtf 😭 why do I still find out more shit I didn’t wanna figure or find out >:((

The kicker is now that my hips are very big outchie and hurt in the mornings and in the evenings and it’s agony 9001 and I hate it >:((

I luckily got my pain killers on Thursday after work bcs I ran out and boy those pills save my life from stupid arthritis.

When the fuck do I get a goddamn break from being either in pain or not feeling ok or from being a depressed tired wet noodle????

So I have Microcytic Anemia, Psoriatic Arthritis, possible Rheumatoid Arthritis, Pots, Chronic fatigue , Psoriasis and an empty bag of fucks to give bcs im so tired…

When the fuck is this shit getting better again?? I need a break. I’m fighting since February to fix myself properly. Still no end in sight. Next year in June I’m moving into my own apartment and I’m so scared bcs what do you mean I have to take care of myself and an my apartment then and feed myself and clean and keep everything nice bcs no one else will 😭 and oh wait I still have to declutter my room here at my moms apartment 🤡 and I need to organise everything and pack until June.

Whelp…like I’m glad it’s visible I’m not okay and struggling but on the other hand why is my body this fucked up 😭

Bloodwork Summary July 2025

1. Iron deficiency anemia (this shit sucks but I’m struggling since years more or less with it , it fluctuates but fuck seeing it again on the blood work results being severely low is annoying)

2. Severe insulin resistance / prediabetic range (glucose 132, insulin 77, HOMA-IR 25.16) - (I uh have to admit I was an idiot and I miiiiight have had half of a cup of water that was not only water but those waters with taste 🫣 so I think I might have influenced this and made the result worse that it is but partially it is actually this bad even without me accidentally forgetting that flavored water isn’t pure water and has sugar in it)

3. Possible early hypothyroidism (TSH slightly high , I KNEW MY THYROID WAS FUCKED BUT NO ONE BELIEVED ME)

4. High white blood cells (my wbc is going brrrrr I’m at 15.36 thousand or something idk how the values are in English tbh)

5. Cortisol high-normal (yay for being in non stop burnout and stress and fight or flight 🤡)

6. Kidneys, liver, and cholesterol mostly okay (at least fucking thanks that these came out good bcs I can’t afford more shit being wrong with me)

——

Ok finally had a spoon again to continue this draft I started. (Albeit the app crashed 3 times and this is the fucking 4th time I’m trying to continue writing and I had to rewrite this last part 4 times 😭 god have mercy with me bcs imma throw my phone if it happens again, I was checking a thing to make sure o write it correctly and when I went back to tumblr the draft didn’t save 🤡 )

I didn’t manage to go to the GP yet to discuss the results but I will probably go on Thursday the 17th. I’m kinda scared to go bcs last time I went and when my mom joined me , my GP was all like “u have to stop being egoistic and your actions affect the people around you and you have to find a motive to get up again and you have to do things maybe go to therapy” and in my brain im like wtf is she yapping about? Is it bcs my mom cried at the appointment and she took it the “this woman is causing her mom trouble and worries that are unnecessary if she would just do xyz?” Idk man.

Anyway after 6 years of therapy I think I’m okay enough and I know how to use healthy coping mechanisms (aka crying every chance I get to release tension) and I communicate with people , I’m drawing boundaries, I have a stable job (albeit that one is slowly causing me burnout and I am pretty confident I will have a big crash if I don’t quit)

I’m trying my best to fix my health but being chronically ill is uh yeah kind of a stick in my own wheel so it’s a hard bumpy road to do stuff.

Currently taking my 4000IU of vitamin d , probiotics daily , my Naproxen whenever I need it when my body is in severe pain.

My insomnia is there again tho and I’m in flare ups again not sure if it’s my psoriasis , the psoriatic arthritis or it’s a p.e.m or me/cfs idk. Some days ago I slept only 1h 30min during the night and then was “forced” to work a 8h shift :(( forced bcs we are chronically understaffed which isn’t really fixable atm bcs the company I work for are super picky about who they hire bcs of the German language skills. I survived tho somehow those 8h with 1h30 sleep 🫩

According to my blood work my wbc is super high again :(( Some inflammation going on but unclear what triggered it.