#wordthoughts

The walls

pressing in

not knowing who i am

nor where do i fit in

to society,

a place

where variety 

is misplaced

and either embraced

or expelled

without an in-between

or any type of rules

telling us what this all means.

You and me

fit so perfectly

into this imperfect world

but yet

we’re so out of touch with reality.

It’s insane,

the irony

is insane

and i think its time

to say goodbye to me

no wait

do not derive me

of this place,

not too soon

nor too late,

just wait 

are you sure

i’m not prepared for the encore

because regret is stronger than gratitude

but maybe it’s time 

for you

to say goodbye

to the person i had once been

the one that only some had seen

because i’m tired

of all this running around

trying to escape a place

where it’s wired 

within me

to be 

this.

To be me,

a mess.

Some would describe mess as art 

but that means someone can interpret it

and with me where do i start?

Not here, 

or there

where would i begin

oh the possibilities of what you could find

is something that i could not bear.

I would lose my mind

more,

than i already have.

Should stop looking into the past,

but the past is what defines us

and if not don’t be daft

history is the most important part

of this world that is a mystery

because humans have records 

of recreating their mistakes

continuing to make them until it’s too late

to change

or understand what we have done.

But 

I must leave my past behind me

and concentrate on society

now,

but how

am i supposed to do that

when my mind fast forwards to the future

and with it comes anxiety

but it’s okay

I’ll just sit quietly

and wait,

for the relentless struggle for sanity

to turn into a fight for authority

of my own self.

But it’s okay

because at least i’m not looking back

at the troubles I've faced

I’m looking forward to the future.

People describe it as bright

but i can’t seem to view

try hard as i might

the light.

Because

all it appears to me 

and all that i can see

is a dullness over the earth

a cloud i can’t disperse.

People say it gets better

but when the storm clouds come

it just gets wetter,

and slippery,

and harder to breathe.

And not i can’t seem to feel

the way i felt before

it’s so much harder to deal

with this pressing weight

upon my shoulders.

But it’s just dead weight

you tell me,

it’s just dead weight.

But

it seems to hold so much value

and every day i talk to someone

i’ll just say “hey, let me add just add you

to the growing pile

upon my shoulders”.

Sometimes it gets so heavy

that at first glance

it’s hard to see me

hidden, 

under this facade

or,

whatever is around my heart

these days

to protect it 

from the inevitable downpour

of the torrential rain.

But hey,

i smile

and i swear,

If i had to describe myself

using a certain word.

Addiction,

would be the term

with the desire to be heard.

Not because i am one.

But because of how easily

addiction comes.

It soaks into my veins,

leaves marks in my skin.

And once it consumes me, 

I can’t win.

Like a drug, or how people enjoy the rain

they seem to come and go

whether or not they cause pain.

I’ve become stuck in this endless cycle

filled with uncontrollable cravings

that i can’t seem to stifle.

I’m well aware of how detrimental this can be

but what can i do

when the main problem, 

is me?

If ive talked to you at least once, and you’d like to be in my pixel family, hmu! I can easily access pokemon and ut pixels, and i have my own ghost pixels too!