#addictions

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If you've read both? PLEASE lets talk about it and the parallels

Tagging: @newsfromstolenland

This pic is what’s left of the syringe I used yesterday. It was the second time I’ve used that, the first time was days before. I was trying to find a vein but I knew they were suffering and needed a resting period. I tried anyway. At some point I pushed harder and suddenly I heard a little crack; the needle broke off, and got stuck in my left arm, in the elbow area. 🫨 I got into panic mode: couldn’t believe what just happened. I had an appointment at my methadone clinic so I asked a doctor what to do. The answer was what I already knew: I had to go to the ER. Fuck me!! Plus I had to make up an excuse to my bf, cause he doesn’t know I relapsed. I felt horrible. I said I tripped and fell over a series of poles in an area under construction, and a piece of metal got stuck inside my arm. I don’t think he believed one bit of that. So I got to the ER and it literally took forever to get out! The doctor who visited me was an asshole btw. I told him I’m using heroin and he said at some point, something like “you just need some willpower to quit using”. My psychologist once told me that “nobody is selling out willpower, you just can’t buy it in shops or markets!” So I said him that. He had the audacity to tell me I should change psychologist. I also said that I didn’t start using with the needle, at first I was just snorting; he had no idea heroin could be inhaled. I responded something like “See?! One can always learn something, even at old age”. I felt like we were literally competing for who had the most sarcastic/cutting answer. And I fought hard! I really was a mix between pissed off and surprised by the lack of empathy and general ignorance the man had on the subject. Stupid people are really everywhere, even going around calling themselves surgeons. Another crazy thing was him telling me that he couldn’t know where the piece of needle was, and that he couldn’t just cut open my arm to find it. I looked at him like you might look at someone with a brain damaged that got them really slow, and said “ehm, that’s why I’m here asking for an X-ray, duh!”. So after some more waiting I got to the X-ray lab. That was super cool! The lab technician was kind and sweet!! I was so fascinated that I tried to look at everything at the same time! 🤩 Then I had to wait again (I even fell asleep) and then I got back to the doctor for the response. The needle was actually there, I asked to see the scan and while watching, I could only think “holy shit those are my bones!”. The doctor said that the needle couldn’t be removed, it’s really close to the surface and in time, by body should be able to expelled it by itself. But it won’t be quick. At the end the doctor was way more reasonable, the nurse instead has always been kind; she knew quitting an addiction is no joke. At the end the doctor said “I hope that when we see again you’ll be sober, I know you can do it. I can see you’re a strong girl”. I kinda wanted to say that I was hoping to never see him again, but I bit my tongue and kept the thought to myself 😅 In total, it took me 6 fucking hours to get out of there. I was exhausted, and basically I left exactly like I got in: with nothing. Well..maybe that’s not totally true, I still have the needle, but wondering inside a hospital was a weird experience I won’t forget.