What made you become an exmo? Whats your faith now?
that's a good question, i do not have the shortest answer lol
i think becoming good friends with nonmembers with all different backgrounds and beliefs helped. also seeing that someone could look like a fantastic mormon on paper, but actually be a terrible person. doing more research on the lgbt community, realizing that what i had been taught wasnt true. this didnt make me exmo right away, but it made me more progressive and less literal. i often became angry during lessons because i felt like imperfect teachers were teaching mormonism wrong, and that they werent teaching with the spirit. i mostly saw it as problems with the culture and not the gospal
at some point i finally accepted that im gay. i felt extremely lost and alone but i clinged to my faith and the church as much as i could. a few years later, in small moments of truth i would admit to people that i had mixed feelings and that i wasnt sure of my beliefs. but i wanted to believe it was true, i thought it would be best for me to keep trying.
trying to find community i eventually found the mormon stories podcast which lead me to other exmo content creators. listening to them and their stories and relating to them really opened my eyes and i spent a few months i slowly deconstructing my faith. i saw new perspectives on the church and i knew i was heading towards leaving but i wasnt ready. i knew i should do a lot of research and carefully consider. i couldnt yet fathom that my whole life had been a lie. i saw other queer people decide how they wanted to partially interact and participate in the church, so i thought id be like them.
and then hollands byu devotional happened. it took a few days to process and mourn but that was the last straw for me. it was still hard though i kept feeling the desire to fall back into mormonism but i had to remind myself why it wasnt true anymore.
and now, i honestly need a big break from faith. im sure people can believe in god and participate in religion and spirituality in healthy ways, but the way my brain is wired and was conditioned to think, i dont really know if its good for me. i dont want to say never, bc a year ago i couldnt even imagine me being completely exmo lol. i do like the idea of secular spirituality, but im not in a rush to learn rn. mostly just focused on self care and boundaries and making sure my relationships are healthy and how free i feel from mormonism. currently i just identify with being an apostate