This may be a hot take but I think that both āthe coven is just a wholesome found family!ā and āThe Family is just Scottās cult and itās all an act of manipulation!!!ā are both equally reductive views on what is a very complex, nuanced social dynamic.
What if itās not as simple as Scott and Owen being evil manipulators, and Pyro and Shelby being their poor innocent victims? What if they are all just really fucked up people who are in desperate need of companionship, for one reason or another?
Pyro consistently chooses to torment the townsfolk because he wants to, because he was bullied his whole life and now wants to take that pain out on other people. Scott never told him to do that. In fact, most of the time when Scott puts his foot down its because Pyro goes too far, and over indulges in drinking from the humans, āstealing Scottās meal.ā As bad as it sounds, I kind of get why Scott gets angry at him for wanting a cure, because it is deeply hypocritical. Lets also not forget that the only reason Pyro wanted a cure in the first place was because he thought being a vampire meant he couldnāt leave Oakhurst/had to serve Scott forever, once Scott clarifies thatās not the case his reservations about being a vampire are completely gone.
Shelby is literally willing to overlook any atrocity the others commit as long as they are kind to her and make her feel included. For as much as she claims she wants peace and to never hurt anyone, she actively makes excuses for the other three, and enables them to continue harming the humans. If anything she has less of an excuse than Pyro does, because she is not afraid of Scott, she could have gone back to Oakhurst any time she wanted but chose not to, because the Castle Vampires treat her better. People make a big deal about Owen tampering with the note Avid left, but I donāt think that ultimately would have changed anything. For as much as she hides behind āthe townsfolk wouldnāt accept me,ā the truth of the matter is that in the Castle she is The Favorite, and in Oakhurst sheās just āBigfoot Girlā (who the humans only seem to care about when they think she's missing and/or dead), so why would she ever want to go back there?
For all his posturing, for all the distance he keeps, and icy tones he uses, Owen does care deeply about the fledglings. Itās why he crashes out so hard in Session 5 when Pyro betrays and then discounts him. Owen has been shown multiple times attempting to protect and provide for the fledglings at his own expense, even going so far as to try and feed Apo and Cleo blood from his own body (something Scott would never do). He does not tell Shelby the townsfolk will never accept her because he wants to isolate and control her, he says that because he believes it and he wants to protect her. Despite dramatically announcing he's on on no oneās side after his āsnapā in Session 5, he cannot bring himself to part from the Family, and even still collaborates with them on the castle and jokes around with them. It even seemed that Owen was going to ask Shelby to leave Oakhurst with him before they got interrupted.
It is true that Scott is ultimately only in it for himself, but he has demonstrate time and time again that he has no real interest in controlling the actions of the other vampires. In fact, he is very amenable regarding how the other family members want to go about things. He is willing to play the political game when the others want to convince the humans to their side, and when Owen decides he wants to start killing people, he is quick to agree to that as well. Despite clearly wanting to let Apo, Drift, Cleo, and Avid join the Castle, he insists that the other family members be consulted and that they make that decision as a group. Scott is completely self-motivated, but he knows that teamwork is essential to his own survival, and that he needs people he can truly rely upon. He also has the emotional intelligence to know what reliable teamwork requires, and is willing to invest the effort into achieving that.
Do they all consistently refuse to take accountability for the harm they cause one another? Yes.
Is the acceptance they show one another far less conditional than that of the townspeople? Also yes.
In that sense, they are very much like a real family.















