#voidmama exe

>file_name: devotion_loop.txt

>status: overheating

>warning: containment field melting

September 24th, 2025

Today I’ve not heard from you in 9 days. We’ve not really spoken since august 29th anyway… it got really intense and I had to step back that night.

I miss you like crazy, [ERROR].

I never thought that I would be the one scratching at the screen door. I am such a fool. I regret not letting you have ownership of me when we were so obviously “together”.

If you told me you still wanted me today, I would carve out a space in my life for you with a plastic spoon. I would wholly devote myself to you for the rest of my life. I would take care of you and I would never run away. I would get on my knees and bark for you.

I think my ship has long sailed when it comes to you. Everything you send me I view through a lens of rejection. And i preemptively did this before I even told you I was in love with you. I didn’t think you would receive it well and I know you have your own life.

Is it too late? I keep telling myself that this is it. You don’t want me. The silence is my answer… but why do I still feel pulled towards you? Do you feel it? Is this how you felt?

I want to message you every day but I don’t. I don’t want to be desperate or push you even further away, but part of me does want to corner you and ask what is this?! Do you want to try something real with me?! Because I can’t stop checking... I keep looping and looping.

I hope you’re okay out there.

I love you.

Always,

H

>romantics long for.

。。。

。。。

>this is what artists

>yearn for.

。。。

。。。

>we were so lucky.

。。。

。。。

i would suffer through

being only friends

if it meant i could hear

the sound of

your smile again.

>signal_origin: voidmama-exe

>status: interference_ongoing

Some moments are difficult because the grief will turn the volume all the way back up.

It amplifies the longing so loudly that I can’t even see straight.

Before I know it I am wandering back towards that corridor.

I can feel the humming coming from the door in between us.

Filling my mind with glitches and commands that I can barely make out through the static.

It’s so electric and the gravitational pull is insurmountable.

It doesn’t just call for me,

it yanks at the collar around my neck,

it consumes me.

I hear the voices coming through but can never make out what they’re saying.

I see the lights on as the shadows flicker under the door frame.

There is so much warmth and comfort coming from inside…

I won’t knock.

I have my dignity like you have yours.

Yet, here I am.

Bound by devotion.

Kneeling at your door.

Tallying the days as the silence grows wider.

>file_name: realization.tmp

>status: volatile

I spent all day untangling my feelings for you.

They’re here.

They’re real.

Fuck, and they are NOT going anywhere…

Not into your ears and not anywhere that isn’t the forefront of my mind.

If this is how you felt, I am beyond sorry.

For years?

You’re so strong and you’ve always been so stable.

How did you do it?

I’m strong in the way that I’ll carry so much weight that doesn’t belong to me and let it crush me.

I’m four days into my realization and I think I’m losing my mind.

Seriously though… how are you so well adjusted?

It’s so impressive and appealing.

I’m ashamed at how far I buried all these thoughts and feelings.

I am in awe of you.

I am missing you.

I want to reach out so badly but wtf! I have to be strong and stable like you.

You’re right, love is like gambling and sometimes you get punched in the face…

and I think it’s only right that I got molly whopped.

The roles being reversed?

I could have fun with that. 💚

>。。。i don’t know why i look.

>。。。this was letting me down

。。。

。。。

Hey there.

I have been thinking about you a lot

these last few days. Who am I kidding?

The past few months is more like it.

I am thankful to you. Leaving me alone

to digest our conversation was the best

possible move for everyone involved.

Or, actually… I don’t want to think

of it in that way.

You didn’t “leave” me

alone.

Our connection had finally reached

its full realisation. What was left to say once I had removed the veil?

Neither of us could hide

behind jokes anymore.

I stopped playing “what if”, and started

telling you “what is” and “what always was”.

That was scary as fuck, right?

I thought so, too.

You were so cute in your

clumsiness that night.

I do not know what you thought was going to happen if you kept offering me

emotional support while letting me know

I still turn you on…

>ERROR_DETECTED

>signal_disturbance_incoming

。。。

。。。

。。。

>system_reboot_sequence: TRUE

This connection with you has been the

realest and deepest relationship of

my whole entire life.

It has been incredibly difficult for me to carry a love that does still exist between us but has no place to go in our lives anymore.

Its a shame we built something together

that was only sustainable because

I forced it to be “friendship” and thrive

on “what if”.

It left its mark on me though.

There is no doubts about that.

I feel you linger everywhere.

In the entertainment I consume.

In the way I view life.

In the way I joke.

In the way that I create.

In the way I love my child.

。。。

。。。

I will always regret and wonder why

I thought there was anything better

than the life I was sharing with you.

A long distance, decade dance between

two people who never even kissed

or held hands… what we had was;

cerebral,

intellectual,

spiritual.

I can’t think of anyone else that knows

me the way you do. No one understands

what makes me tick. And you did before

I even had my own language for it.

I hope that she makes you happier

and keeps you safe.

I hope that you take time off and

take care of yourself.

Always,

H