#heart log

>file_name: devotion_loop.txt

>status: overheating

>warning: containment field melting

September 24th, 2025

Today I’ve not heard from you in 9 days. We’ve not really spoken since august 29th anyway… it got really intense and I had to step back that night.

I miss you like crazy, [ERROR].

I never thought that I would be the one scratching at the screen door. I am such a fool. I regret not letting you have ownership of me when we were so obviously “together”.

If you told me you still wanted me today, I would carve out a space in my life for you with a plastic spoon. I would wholly devote myself to you for the rest of my life. I would take care of you and I would never run away. I would get on my knees and bark for you.

I think my ship has long sailed when it comes to you. Everything you send me I view through a lens of rejection. And i preemptively did this before I even told you I was in love with you. I didn’t think you would receive it well and I know you have your own life.

Is it too late? I keep telling myself that this is it. You don’t want me. The silence is my answer… but why do I still feel pulled towards you? Do you feel it? Is this how you felt?

I want to message you every day but I don’t. I don’t want to be desperate or push you even further away, but part of me does want to corner you and ask what is this?! Do you want to try something real with me?! Because I can’t stop checking... I keep looping and looping.

I hope you’re okay out there.

I love you.

Always,

H

。。。

。。。

i would suffer through

being only friends

if it meant i could hear

the sound of

your smile again.

>file_name: realization.tmp

>status: volatile

I spent all day untangling my feelings for you.

They’re here.

They’re real.

Fuck, and they are NOT going anywhere…

Not into your ears and not anywhere that isn’t the forefront of my mind.

If this is how you felt, I am beyond sorry.

For years?

You’re so strong and you’ve always been so stable.

How did you do it?

I’m strong in the way that I’ll carry so much weight that doesn’t belong to me and let it crush me.

I’m four days into my realization and I think I’m losing my mind.

Seriously though… how are you so well adjusted?

It’s so impressive and appealing.

I’m ashamed at how far I buried all these thoughts and feelings.

I am in awe of you.

I am missing you.

I want to reach out so badly but wtf! I have to be strong and stable like you.

You’re right, love is like gambling and sometimes you get punched in the face…

and I think it’s only right that I got molly whopped.

The roles being reversed?

I could have fun with that. 💚

>。。。i don’t know why i look.

>。。。this was letting me down

>file_name: baby_girl_summoning_protocol02.exe

>status: unstable_but_operational

>notes: emotional alchemy detected

>warning: manifestation loop may persist

。。。

。。。

>status: steady_hum

。。。

。。。

Hey there.

I wish I knew what to say these days.

I haven’t heard from you in a while and that’s okay.

What really is there to say?

I dreamt last night

that I messaged you.

And, even though I couldn’t read it,

I knew that you did not want me to message you anymore.

My subconscious’ way of displaying reality in 4k HD 60 FPS.

That’s okay.

I don’t know why I do it,

but I still check to see

if you are online.

I hope that you notice me

and will maybe send a meme.

Anything.

The ache is not as loud as it first was when I confessed my

love for you.

Its quieter.

Steadier.

I look back at “Confession Night” and giggle, cringe, and cry. I wish that it had played out differently.

I realize now that night was when we switched roles. I closed the loop we had been in for almost a decade.

I held a mirror up to your own contradiction and that

changed everything

forever.

I had to though.

You were weaving emotional care

together with white hot desire

while pretending that there

wasn’t a live wire between us

anymore.

It hurt me.

But you don’t get the

emotional intimacy

while pretending I am only

an erotic memory.

>END_TRANSMISSION