well-youknowhowitis: Capable of manipulation and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion.

vmarinelli: Myself I’m capable of flying for short.

well-youknowhowitis: Ted Cruz sucks toes and feathers on their cards Rico’s Pizza?

vmarinelli: Swelled.

vmarinelli: The isolated digs was given far more than db movies and oavs!

themorningrar: Digs was given visual and otic stimuli.

Free idea for the pillow industry: pillows in colors darker than white. I don't want to say why. You know why. @lonelysandwich (Adam Lisagor) – 46

Husband and I were arguing in public. Teenager was horrified. So we started kissing. Teenager's horror multiplied exponentially. WE WIN. @vmarinelli (Victoria Marinelli) – 46

Some people lose sleep worrying about the economy, I lose sleep worrying that U2 and Coldplay will merge to form one band. @AinsleyofAttack (Ainsley Drew) – 46

With this haircut, I could be mistaken for a man of twice my self-esteem. @nick (Nick Douglas) – 41

"Dim sum" is Cantonese for "food carts repeatedly bump into you as you wait 45 minutes for a table." It's a very concise language. @adamisacson (Adam Isacson) – 40

everything i've learned about talking to myself in public i learned by rehearsing this tweet out loud on the bus. @baileygenine (Bailey Siewert) – 40

Change is hard. They make it out of metal. @seanhussey (Sean Hussey) – 39

That bath bomb I got as a gift was filled with GLITTER. There's got to be a less messy way to turn someone gay. @shoesonwrong (Annie) – 38

Those kids are hogging the dinosaur game in the arcade. Stay tuned to find out how many 5-year-olds I can take in a fight. @CcSteff (Stephanie) – 36

Ahem...

Youuuu bet’cha.

Oh. 

My.

Gah.

It has come to my attention that the use of "werd" is deprecated.