I really hope it takes all the people thriving off of "quick takes" with it. They really act like they did something with their aggressive takes and opinions and pretend like they’re always right. There's no thought, only cloutchasing.  I have found this to be the frustrating thing about the platform, because it doesn’t actually contribute to any form of discussion. It always makes people feel bad too, cuz your two-cents mean nothing to a person who chooses to be loud and unafraid of the consequences of what they say. 

You read with: ...your childhood background... ...your community influences... ...your national and geo-political context... ...your language's innate strengths and weaknesses... ...the strength and weaknesses of any translators who influenced a foreign book (like the bible)....

I promise you. Nobody "just reads" anything.

I'm not saying that everybody needs to dive neck-deep into commentaries and theology, or deconstruct everything about their belief system,

then i get told, two days prior, that there's a third person coming whom i never heard about. no idea if i ever knew this person. so now i have to prepare myself for a third person i don't know.

one day prior i get word third person's kid is sick. the flu. my response? to ask if they got tested for covid. they don't know, why does it matter?

I haven't watched F1 for that long, maybe 4-5 years? So I wasn't a fan when Jules died but I still knew because it was just so long after a motorsport as big as F1 had lost a driver.

But I was there when Anthoine crashed. I was actually trying to start watching F2 at that time.

And I remember for the first time in this fandom feeling the weight of motorsport.

Because yeah of course you know a driver can die at any race at any point or have an otherwise bad accident. But with all the progress that has been made, with the safety procedures so much better you just bask in this wistful unawareness of that because the moment you think about it it's a spiral you can't stop (at least in my case.)

But when I saw Anthoine crash and the reactions of everyone in the paddock it finally hit me that this is the sport I support. A sport where drivers put their lives on the line daily for the thing they love.

And it was suddenly like I stopped seeing F1 as a fan with rose coloured glasses on.

It was a weight that was put on me and I didn't know how to deal with it because suddenly the reality of the sport, the side of it you never try to have there was right there.

It was unavoidable.

And it's then that you sort of grow up or rather grow out of the fandom phase that is all cutesy and funny and are confronted with the harsh reality.

But even then when I was crying and shaking, spiraling about thoughts that this could be Lewis or Seb, there was a certain distance because it wasn't a driver I knew in the sense that I as a fan know the F1 drivers.

The worst moment and the moment of true realization came with Romain's accident.

I remember holding my breath, genuinely shaking, crying, anxiety making my stomach hurt and fear making my throat close because holy shit, suddenly it was real. Suddenly it was a driver I was supporting and I driver I felt like I knew and a driver that actually was a real person and most importantly a father, a husband and someone's friend. There was a realisation that these aren't just some guys from a series or characters (which I think is a whole issue with driver to survive that I don't have the energy right now to go further into) but these are real people and I might have just watched the last moment of someone's life on live television.

And that made me feel horrible in a way I can't describe.

And it made me come to terms, truly this time, with the dangers and the risks of this sport and how easily you can lose someone.

The moments, the minutes of silence (or that's what it felt like) I was already thinking about what I would post to remember Romain by, what I would say, how I would deal with that and most importantly how I could ever watch F1 after that.

So in a way I never truly grasped the sport in it's full extent until that very second I thought we had lost him.

And ever since then I had to watch the FIA throw safety, regulations, fans well being, drivers health, team personals life and so much more away for the sake of a good race. I wish I could say this was just in F1 but it's not. I had to learn that after an FE race there was a bomb just what felt like meters away from it. I had to see cars driver under cranes, driving not getting out of the car as soon as we know they are okay to do it because somehow it took minutes to remove a car on top of another one. Somehow I had to sit there and watch as a driver with possible concussions and fractures was just left there.

I can't watch F1 without thinking who will the the Jules, the Anthoine or even the Romain for new fans. I can't watch F1 without wondering if I have to put Pierre's or Estebans or anyone else name in the list of drivers that we lost.

I can't watch F1 without feeling like nothing will be done until the next Jules.