#valkryie

The training resumes. Cassian is barking orders. Gwyn and Emerie are laughing as they spar. They look radiant, powerful, capable, and in sync with the Illyrian warriors. Azriel and Elain sit on the bench.

Elain: They are doing very well. Azriel: (Not looking at her) They are. Gwyn’s footwork has improved. Emerie has natural reach. Elain: They seem… very compatible. With the training. With the life here. Azriel: (Finally glances at her sideways) They are warriors, Elain.

They are warriors. You are not.

Elain: (Voice quiet, hating herself for asking) Who do you like more? Azriel: (Blinks, brows knitting together in genuine confusion) What? Elain: Between them. Gwyn or Emerie? Azriel: In terms of… sparring partners? Elain: No. Just… generally. Which one do you find… better? Prettier? Azriel goes completely still. He looks at Gwyn. He looks at Emerie. Then he looks at Elain.

Azriel: Gwyn has teal eyes. Like the sea. Elain: (Her stomach drops) Oh. Yes. She does. Azriel: And Emerie’s are brown. Strong. Elain: (Nods, swallowing the lump in her throat). Azriel: But I have found, recently, that I have no preference for teal or strong eyes. Elain: (Freezes) Azriel: I prefer gold-brown eyes. Doe-eyes. Elain: …Oh. Azriel: (Clearing his throat, standing up abrupt and rigid) Watch your posture on the bench, Elain. You’re slouching.

He walks toward the sparring ring without looking back. Cassian: (Upending a waterskin, drinking aggressively, then wiping his mouth with a grunt) Cauldron, it’s dry up here today. (Looks at Elain, smiling, giggling) You’re glowing. Did Azriel trip? Is that why you’re smiling? Elain: No. I was just thinking. (Pauses, looks at Cassian) Do I have pretty golden-brown-doe eyes? Cassian: Uhh. (Looks at her) Yeah? Obviously. Elain: Obviously? Cassian: It’s kind of your whole thing, isn’t it? The eyes. You give people that look—the big, doe-eyed, innocent look—and they melt. It’s your charm point. Everyone knows that. Elain: (Smile faltering) Everyone knows that? Cassian: It’s a known weapon. It’s how you get Rhys to give you whatever you want. It’s how you get out of chores. It’s a fact of life, Elain.

The warmth in Elain’s chest vanishes, doused by a bucket of cold, pragmatic Illyrian logic. It’s a known weapon. It’s a charm point.

Cassian: (Noticing her face fall) Elain? Why the long face? Did someone say they were ugly? Point them out, I’ll throw them off the cliff. Elain: No one said that. Cassian: Then what is it? Elain: (Voice very small, staring at her hands) What does it mean… hypothetically… if a male tells a female that he prefers golden-brown-doe eyes?

Cassian goes still. He isn't the Spymaster, but he isn't blind. He looks at Elain’s flushed, anxious face. He looks at the empty space beside her on the bench. Then, he looks out at the sparring ring, where Azriel is currently ruthlessly correcting Gwyn’s stance.

In my opinion, one of the most powerful things about ACOSF is how human Nesta’s arc is, even if a lot of the book is about Nesta coming to terms with her new Fae existence.

Her journey is about coping with trauma, grief, and soul-crushing self hatred. It’s about the slow, painful process of healing when you truly don’t believe you deserve to.

Nesta carries so much guilt—from her family's past, from the war, from everything she didn’t do. And instead of running from it, she lets it consume her. She spirals. She pushes people away. She self-destructs. She’s not the likeable sister, and she knows it, maybe even hides behind it and uses it as a shield.

And then there’s the imposter syndrome. She's been told since she was a child that she's meant for more—meant to be great, meant to be powerful. But all she sees in herself is failure. Uselessness. Someone who didn't help when it mattered most. She doesn’t feel powerful. She feels broken. And that contradiction—between what others see and what she believes about herself—is heartbreaking.

The powerful part about her journey of healing is that nothing about it is easy or magical. Consider it an act of defiance, but she goes about it in the most human way possible. Through hard work, blood sweat and tears, love and fear and feeling.

Nesta doesn’t heal because someone tells her she’s worth saving. She heals because she decides she is.