#updateonlife

🖤🚬

Hey :)

kind of thought it would be cool to just write about my day from day to day since I love to share stuff.

This is such a boring title. 

Good morning everybody! Hope you had a wonderful weekend. Whoever had a three day weekend in observance of Columbus Day, I’m very jealous of you. 

Last weekend, I went to Dallas for my mom’s birthday. She is now 51 years old and still looking beautiful as ever. 

Today (which is October 9th), is my grandma’s birthday. She would have been 74 years old. I find it hard to believe that it’s been four years since she passed away. I can still remember the day of her passing and as well as the funeral ceremony. It’s still hard, but I've accepted the fact that she’s gone. I will see her again. I know that she and everybody else, who have mattered to me are my guardian angels whenever I go. 

I honestly feel like I haven’t done an update on what’s been going on with my life. I’ve just been caught up on focusing on myself and learning to be happy, which I am. I am happy and I’m living life. I thank God every single day for giving me this blessing life, being able to live another day and breathe. I’ve learned that I don’t need to depend on anybody, just on myself because how else am I going to survive in this crazy world we live in? 

It’s October and we’re one day closer to Halloween. My older brother and sister-in-law decorated the house on Sunday, and it was just a collaboration of sorts of stuff. I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to dress up as for Halloween, but I know I will figure something out. I was thinking about dressing up as a broken china doll. I found a cute costume at Spirit Halloween and I have a 20% coupon, so it’ll be almost $30 on the costume. That doesn’t include the stockings and makeup. Stockings are a piece of cake, I can go to WalMart and find a pair for like six bucks, no biggie. Makeup, that will be a challenge. I’ll probably pull up a makeup tutorial on Youtube or something. 

Funny how i been out of this blog for about 2 year ish. So imma explain what happen since i disappear for a while now. Before i start all that crap, i will make this account as my diary and all of my personal views and post will be under the hastag #diaryofesile.... so yeah

Ok so.... back to my story time.

In the short spam of one year, I changed 2 job. Both of them were as admin assistant.

 I couldn’t last one month in the first job due to the pressure of the future events I have to handle. It was stress that i couldn’t perform that cause me to have anxiety. It was bad because i would randomly cry and i’m loosing sleep. So i quit after a year. Do i regret my decision? Yes i did because the pay, exposure and venue is good. It’s in my ex college so i kinda know everything? But after a meet up with a fellow coursemate, the decision i made was to protect me monetarily and in a way push me to my path? (i get to the path thing later or in another post lol). Why? because my boss fucked up big time and is in deep shit with my ex college since december last year. If i were to continue my job there, i wouldn’t save a single cent for anything as i assume i would work there till the end of the world. And then comes my second job. I lasted 5 months in it. A very bad record but better than the previous i would say. Everything about this job is shitty af. The pay is shit, the people working there is shit (well, a few people are shit), the job i get was unmotivating as a corpse, the politic is crazy....... summary: it was horrible. I felt into a depression because i didn’t felt like i perform that well but that was also because someone was hounding on me none stop cause she has insecurity issues. It was a lot of unnecessary bullying and politics that had cripple my confident and mental health. So i left because i couldn’t take it anymore and i would very much rather just die. Yes, i want to die.

In the first week of my second job, i told my parents i wanted to get a master in counselling because i realize that my passion still lies with fighting for the inequality for us underdogs. There is so much more i wanted to correct and offer to these people who don’t feel like they belong in society. I guess my psychology and counselling is my ammunition for this crooked world.

So i started saving some money for my master while i work in this job. I thought of working about a year to get some sort of experience and some money for my master, but i crumble under the pressure and retired earlier than i did. So, i’m working under my mom and dad’s and getting some money to pay for my student loan that i had acquire for my degree. In January this year, i started my master course and it was awesome. I meet people who have similar mindset as me. I mean, I met my potato twin so...... that says a lot i guess. This was an eye opening experience for me and i felt that changes is working it’s way in my life. 

I’ve decided to go to Michigan to visit my grandad for spring break. It may be the last visit before he passes away so I am not gonna fly. I think the anxiety thing will be too high goven the situation. Gonna be bittersweet.

Hello all.