#uncleduke

As I open up this letter, the first thing that comes to mind is how addicting the sound of the keyboard is when I’m undistracted and able to free my thoughts. The plan is to put this away in a progress folder and open it up again this time next year so I can document my journey of awakening.

Lately I’ve been opening up to meditation, and allowing myself to seek therapy in certain areas of my life which I’ve swept under the rug for the last decade. I know there’s a stigma in our community about counseling, but there’s a quote that always stuck with me that says “maybe you’re searching among the branches, for what only appears in the roots”.  I used to get frustrated a lot because I felt like I was misunderstood. It took some time to realize that even I don’t understand myself completely and that I needed someone else to guide me in the right direction on my spiritual path.

I met with the youth pastor at my church last Wednesday, and we sat down and talked about life for an hour after I got done with jury duty. 18 months ago I had my heart set on being a recording artist and now I’m finding myself in church at 3 o’clock in the afternoon in the middle of the week looking for answers. Life is funny. We went back and forth about distractions, Trump, and the new challenges facing young millennial Christians. Needless to say, I walked out on fire ready to tell somebody else about what I had learned. To my disappointment, I came to a realization that no one really cares until their ready to receive the truth.

Note to self: It’s incredible what you can find when you’re actively seeking knowledge and wisdom, and alarming how much can pass you by when you’re not. Always seek.

I can’t really explain the feeling that I currently have in my chest but it’s worth giving it a shot. As of today I’m thousands of dollars in debt, losing friends who I once called brothers, and surrounded by people who are afraid to tell me the truth and talk behind my back. But there’s a voice in my head that keeps telling me this is only part of the ascension, and there will be better days ahead if you always do the right thing.

Hold on because God has a hold on you.

I’ve concluded that my least favorite question of all time is…*drumroll*….*pause for effect*…

 “So what do you do now?”

Unfortunately for me, I probably get asked this every day since I graduated college last year in May. As a matter of fact, I get asked that question so much that I’ve officially rehearsed and memorized my answer. I finally managed to make it sound good enough for people to think that I didn’t waste four years of my life in school with wild weekends and last minute papers.  What I really want to say when I hear that question is, “Honestly…I’m out here slaving every day to keep these lights on, and DJ Khaled wasn’t lying when he said it costs money to eat”. The ugly truth is, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing besides pretending in everyone’s face and secretly trying to find my place in this world.

There’s good news though. For the first time in my entire life, I surprisingly feel alive. Of course I aspire to eventually find a better job, relieve my high levels of stress and debt, and surround myself with REAL friends…but all of these emotions, good or bad…Make me feel like I’m alive.

I had a conversation with God yesterday and it felt real. The prayer eventually ended in an exchange. My partner and I asked for very specific things and we promised to do something in return when our requests were granted.  If there was a 2016 version of Doubting Thomas, his name would be David Mwansa. I just always need proof. The ending of this story is still unwritten but I’ll let you know how it works out for me.

Something inspired me to document moments of my life in writing. The plan is to look back one day and have physical proof of how far God has led me.

“So what do I do now?”

I’m a work in progress. Stumbling my way to success. Praying my way to paradise. Finding my way to freedom.

I read a tweet the other day that I thought was dope, it said, “your elevation may require some isolation”. Don’t be afraid to find yourself. Don’t be afraid to be different. The testing of your faith develops patience. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

Till next time,