tw: is talk of switching a trigger for people? idk. mention of other mental illnesses as well.
Also, this post is all over the place. I'm not all here right now. Sorry.
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God, I love rapid-switching /s
But that's the norm for us and I literally do not know why. Sometimes we switch once every few hours and sometimes it's multiple times in the span of 5 minutes.
Super confusing for our husband, but he notices the switches faster than we do. It's a little astounding. Obviously he can't always tell who swapped out, but the amount of times he can is kinda scary?
But no, I'd like to be in control of my body for more than just 5 minutes, ya know? That's not even long enough for a YouTube video. We all like long-form content and we end up switching between like 2 or 3 videos sometimes because some of us get stuck in basically a revolving door.
I don't have a trauma therapist yet (just a regular one for specializing in ADHD and Autism) or anyone who remotely knows how to handle DID on the professional level, so I just kind of deal with it and hope it isn't so frequent we get a headache, cause that's just annoying for everyone.
It gets really bad during manic/hypomanic episodes (diagnosed bipolar 2). Like, we're talking 4+ people out at once on a rapidly rotating platform that replaces them one at a time, it feels like. It gets incredibly confusing, so my hypomania comes with a lot of dizziness, confusion, and dissociation. That's fun.
Basically, I hate the symptoms that come with the disorder, but we wouldn't give up each other for the world. We just want functional multiplicity...
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Also, the amount of times we've been fake-claimed for being able to (usually, except under a lot of stress or during depressive episodes) switch on command, especially to a protector if someone isn't taking care of the body... It pisses me off. Can't people just let people exist in peace? I have enough trauma to give me the damn disorder, I don't need others compounding the imposter syndrome I already suffer with....
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Hey anon,
I totally understand your frustration. Rapid switching can be super disorienting, and at least for us, causes a lot of headaches. I can imagine that it must be super distressing dealing with all the time. And I understand how you feel about your system. I view it the same as scars. Scars are from our body healing wounds, bringing skin back together. It saves us from injury; but sometimes the scars can restrict movement, sometimes they're really noticeable, sometimes they're itchy, sometimes people judge us for it. And yet still, without them, we wouldn't be here. I hope that you are able to reach your goal of functional multiplicity ! You guys deserve happiness, and to be able to work together smoothly. And I'm very sorry to hear that you have dealt with fake-claiming, but I will tell you now you are absolutely real and valid. People on the internet will never know your experiences like you know them; your pain is real. Not to mention, better control of switches is a good thing !! It's a step towards healing, and shouldn't be shamed whatsoever. Keep going anon, I know it's tough but I promise you guys will reach your goal. Keep searching for a medical provider who's going to listen and understand your struggles, they're out there and they can help you through your healing journey ❤️🩹/plat
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Nightmare System
