#nemophilistposts

The first About post I want to make is about the body. We call it “Nemo.”

These are real photographs of us. The body is 23 years old. We split for the first time when the body was only 6 years old. We didn’t really know it then, but the “imaginary friend” we had would some day have a face, a voice and a life of its own.

The body was born Amanda. The Original had this name, but we don’t connect with it very much anymore. Kvaethi is the only one who can really talk about what happened to the Original, because she was not there. The rest of us have a really hard time thinking about it. The Original does not live in the body anymore and some day we might make a post about it specifically.

We live in the USA. Currently, we’re living in an apartment owned by our partner. He’s a singlet cismale who we’ve recently come out to about being a system. He’s very accepting. We’re polyamorus and he is our “primary” partner. Only partner of ours, currently. He’s very important to us, but we argue over him a lot. He’s supposed to be Kvaethi’s partner, but inter system jealousy is a problem we have. He mitigates it well.

Shayne was the first alter in our system and he primarily “fronts”. His role is persecutor transferring into protector. He tries his best. We consider him the “big brother” in the system, and he fronted alone for ages 11-14. He can be possessive of the body. He’s learning how to let go and let others take control.

Rowan is what the body currently refers to themself as. They do most of the working although we don’t have a job right now. They’re an author and love writing. They want to go into tech, computer programming, coding or IT. They love paleontology and science. We consider them the “learner”.

Kallie is our “middle”. She slides between ages 11 and 17. She likes crafts such as crochet and beading. She’s fun and bubbly but she can be moody. We’re trying to take care of her.

I’m Kvaethi. I’m the system motivator. I want to keep everyone happy and content. I like to solve problems, read books and learn about social issues. I want us to open up the most, and be connected with the world around us. I love nature. I believe we can be happier if we know more about ourselves. I believe in a bright future for our family. I want to have kids and I’m kind of an idealist.

Maebh is the caretaker of our system. She likes to clean and tea. She likes handsome men and gossip. She likes to share advice and wisdoms, gardening, helping children grow. She likes to take care of the sick and the weak. She took care of our grandmother when she was sick last year and that’s how she grew the most. We have a hard time with her and mother figures. We want to let her take care of us but it is hard.

- Hymn; nbmasc, very short, very motivated, describes himself as a “vessel”, keeps asking about our dreams and goals, gets stuff done, believes wholeheartedly in the system and that we can all accomplish our individual life goals. Reminds me of a life coach. Enjoys sports, something the rest of the system generally hates; with the exception of me/Kvaethi/Shayne, who all enjoy equestrian sports and dog sports. Hymn likes HUMAN SPORTS. How weird. Likes to wear dress shirts

Somber- female, younger, maybe 16-17, SHES THE FURRY seriously we have had a fursona for years, never agreed to make art or buy art for it, never really discussed it, kept finding more art/purchases of it. ITS HER. Somber is very melancholy very lonely very sad holds a lot of emotions and vents who she wants to be through her badass punk rock wolfsona (which we’ve always thought was cool, the character just wasn’t any of OURS. We knew it had to be someone’s. We don’t mind that she’s a furry although we hope she will ask before buying art/costumes from now on.

- Sylvr— holds a lot of spirituality a lot of religion, acts as a guide, kind of mysterious energy, seems sort of tricksterish to me not sure if we should trust her. Female. From the deep deep deep forest, smells like wolves. Very unsure. Keep telling Shayne not sure if we should have let her in.

Mandi- persecutor, female, 23, identifies with the legal name, this is the one Shayne thought he killed and he had a breakdown about it and went looking for her. Now she’s back. Not sure how we feel about this one either. But she’s in the house and we have to make room for her. Very eclectic, kinda mean. Cold. Underhanded. Also smells like wolves.

Rowan here; always studying

We have 6 known “active” alters, one dormant/no longer with us, and our lovely body.

Rowan 17-19 nbmasc they/he curiosity devotion passion

Shayne 25-29 cismale he/him frustration protective gatekeeper confusion

Kvaethi 22-24 cisfemale she/her joy elation empathetic sadness motivator like goodvibes type

Maebh late 30s cisfemale she/her kindness gentle tender love caretaker

Kallie 14-17 nbfemme she/they excitement wonder childhood

Hymn 28-30 nbmasc ey/em drive focus work faith trust

There are two parts to the inner world; the Lakehouse, Inner Sanctum area where the “active” alters live. No one can get into the Lakehouse unless they introduce themself to Shayne, trying to fix that, Hymn has been trying to enter for years but couldn’t due to a communication error

Communication is scattered, fuzzy like talking through walkie talkies or across the room or bad phone lines some sentences will go on for days without registering multiple conversations at once hard to focus on who should be first in line

Shayne keeps track of everything always watching always trying to step in when he thinks it’s too much makes it hard to talk to therapists lovers friends anyone at all about the trauma

Kvaethi stable most of the time but easily triggered Shayne feels like we all should take better care of her because she just brushes us off

Maebh has a hard time connecting because her personality triggers trauma memories for the wrong reasons loving/caring =\= motherly got to remember that

Really really really intense desire to talk about system stuff because it’s so hard to hear inside the headspace

Outer area of the Inner World is the Forest, lots of chaos, lots of people lost, dangerous to go out alone, can get lost for days, Forest = disassociative episode

The wolves live in the forest, inside if they are connected to system or to internal fears

Will write more when Shayne is not trying to shut me up

Them; Mab? MayBuh? Maehhhh?

Me; May-veh. The bh makes an v sound

Them; wh- what what how does that work

Me; that’s just how it’s spelled.

This post is mostly for us to journal

Shayne- male, protector; Could have either Hebrew or Scottish origins, meaning “God is gracious”; as we are an eclectic system, we e adjusted the meaning to “the gods are gracious.” Being the “ruling” member of our system, this name gives us strength and reminds us we are apart of something larger than ourselves.

Rowan- enby, motivator; Scottish; often meaning “little red haired one”, we chose this name because of the actual rowan tree, which holds a special place in our hearts; rowans can grow even on the rockiest of hillsides.

Kvaethi- female, cheer; this is a name that was given to us, and when it was given it was defined as the word used to describe a poem so beautifully written it became a ballad. The name was spelled much differently, but we adjusted it into English writing for ease.

Maebh- female, caretaker; Irish; “the bringer of great joy.” Her name says it all, she is caretaker and mother to every member of our system. We are so glad she came back.

Kallie- female, middle; Irish; “from the forest.” Fitting for the wild child she is, she chose this name herself.

Nemo- body, afab; Latin, meaning “nobody”. Very fitting as we have no host personality.

Riordan- system “last name”; Irish, meaning “bard, keeper of poems” we consider our life very much to be a complex series of poems that’s we can’t quite understand; lends to the rhythmic, prose way that the entire system uses to speak when we are thinking in unison.

Name plans; Rowan Shayne Riordan Kvaethi