#tw invalidation

???

“Yeah, I felt really upset, you know? Because when I put candy in my pocket it melted, and that’s, like… eugh, what? Like a warm human? I’m dead, you know? Weird.“

“Oh, that makes sense. I mean, yeah, of course your body is human. I mean, maybe not when you’re fronting, but different headmates, you know… it’s still human, haha.”

“I mean, I guess it’s human sometimes, when I’m not shapeshifting, at least.”

“Mmm… [long pause] Yeah, the body is a human, so… Makes sense.”

This is two interactions between me and my human singlet best friend. I feel sick, like I’m going to pass out. I can’t stop shaking. She lied to me, that she knew I was nonhuman. I thought she understood, she said she understood, I explained it to her in plain terms, we are biologically nonhuman, she said that she understood. She thinks I’m making a metaphor. She thinks I’m talking about spiritual beliefs. I TOLD her “when a nonhuman is fronting, we are biologically their species. It’s sometimes human shaped on the outside, but it’s not actually human. Even alterhumans are sometimes like ‘your body is human though,’ NO IT’S NOT, it literally is not, I don’t know why you can’t see the nonhuman features.” That is the exact text message, and she had a huge pause for like an hour, and then responded with “Yeah, I understand, I kinda figured it worked like that.” I’m so heartbroken and hurt and I’m physically ill, I feel like I’m withdrawaling off medication or something. My paws are tingling. I couldn’t figure out why this wave of sickness washed over me in the moment, because I just stopped processing the conversation, but I was walking home, and I just… she doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’m making it up. I really, really thought she was one of the good ones. I’ve been really struggling with my fear and rage towards the human race, and people, and I don’t know if I can mentally gymnastics my way out of hating her. I’m going to try and talk to her about it, maybe I’ll have Axel do it, so I don’t get too upset. I really thought she was a kind, understanding human. I thought she saw me, really saw me, even if she couldn’t see my transformations with her eyes. I’m fucking devastated. I might cancel my date with my nekofriend today, I don’t know if I can do this. I’m so emotionally crushed.

Anytime we don't remember a situation and it's being relayed, it's always a fear that we're being gaslit about the situation.

When our feelings or experiences aren't believed, it throws us into a spiral of denial and reminds us of a lot of trauma based around that.

I blocked you, therefore deleting your reblog as a result, because it could be very triggering to others, and all it said was "no, online trauma isn't real". It literally added nothing of value and I am allowed to delete whatever I think doesn't belong on my post. My blog is about offering validation to survivors of all types of trauma.

But let's talk about online trauma for a second. It would be valid if someone got traumatized without this sort of background, but for me, my online trauma took place because I was being molested by a family member at the time. This lead me to seek out relationships online with older men, and you can be damn sure that still carries trauma effects to this day. Men who wanted to hear the stories of what was being done to me. I didn't know any better. I didn't know to block them. I literally thought that I was doing what I was supposed to do because of how I had been conditioned and groomed.

I have also experienced domestic abuse, and been beaten as a child. I spent 18 years of my life living in active trauma situations between sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse by family and a romantic partner. I have several frames of reference and I can still tell you that the online trauma I experienced was real.

Also, with your logic, is my trauma from being beaten and sexually abused by my romantic partner not valid because I could have just "walked away?" Is my child abuse not valid because I could have just "told someone?" Trauma doesn't work within any set of rules.

I'm not bringing up what I went through to try and compare traumas, that's not the point. The point is that because I've been through what people deem as "acceptable" and "big" trauma, I feel like my opinion on the trauma you see as less valid should have weight to it since I have experienced it too and it traumatized me as well.

Comparing trauma doesn't help anyone. It's not about the events themselves, but how they affect someone. I personally experience more trauma from an experience I had with a spider verses an assault I went through. I have flashbacks and nightmares about this experience with a spider and I end up panicking when I'm in the place where I dealt with it.

I understand that you are hurting, and I understand that maybe you feel like it makes your trauma seem less important somehow. But it doesn't. Other people having trauma doesn't mean yours is less valid or important somehow. It's also not uncommon for some survivors to feel like other people's trauma isn't as bad as theirs, and to feel bitter about that.

I can definitely see that you are suffering. I saw the anger and hatred you pass to others on your blog. It seems like you're in a lot of pain, but that doesn't mean it's okay to bully others online. Which is essentially what you're doing. It's possible it makes you feel powerful in some way to cause others pain. And your feelings of anger are valid, but your behaviour definitely isn't. I hope that you heal. I truly do. And I hope that you can learn to put your anger where it belongs, and that is on the people who hurt you, not other trauma survivors.

(Also, I will say that even if someone does seek out trauma in some regard, that's likely a result from having experienced trauma in the past, and they are still valid.)

It’s misinformed trash that invalidates fictives, the comments are full of sysmeds and fakeclaimers and he is a singlet who didn’t consult a system about the video first.

We suffered so you don’t have to.

okay i think im going to split this up into two sections, one for reasons I think I may be and symptoms, another for reasons why i think I may not.

Reasons I think I may be plural:

I frequently experience bouts of dissociating or just feel generally fuzzy and after i can feel a range of symptoms including: Feeling a new energy with me, confusion on where i am, confusion on who i am, feeling an off feeling, thinking something is wrong with my body or room and more.

I frequently feel multiple energys w/ me w/ different emotions, ages, and general vibes.

I constantly switch between feeling very strongly w/ one belif or gender to the point where it feels like i have always felt like this then not long after sometimes feeling the complete opposite.

I very often feel not incontrol and almost like someone else is in control of the body.

I occasionally say things aloud that i dont think I actually said and it feels like someone else did.

I occasionally think things that i dont think I actually thought and it was like someone else did.

I have occasional laspses in memory.

Reasons I think I'm not plural:

I have 3 irl plural friends so statistically its very unlikely that I am plural too.

I retain almost all memory from when I feel like I am different people.

I feel like I am always there no matter what.

The different energies I feel tend to be very similar to my own and I cant really distinguish between them for the most part.

I feel like I may just be experiencing symptoms of something else and confusing them for plurality.

I feel like I am forcing myself to experience symptoms of plurality.

I don't think the truama i have could have been bad enough for me to be plural (im sorry if there are plural ppl who dont have truama i js dont know much on that topic specifically)

Other things to note:

I have ADHD and Autism (un-medicated)

I have BPD or Bipolar disorder (me and my therapist are still discussing which we think it may be)

I hope someone sees this and could please help me figure out if maybe another disorder is making me experience these things or if those symptoms listed are genuinely symptoms of plurality because I cannot figure out if what I am experiencing is normal or not

also im vvvv sorry if this is a blog that connot help w/ this kind of thing /gen

Hello there. I can tell by the way your organized this ask you've thought a lot about this question! I'll try to answer most of your points and hope my input helps as you continue to evaluate this question.

Your first few points regarding amnesia for where you are, identity confusion regarding your gender, and depersonalization with your body, based on what you've said here, points towards fairly high dissociation. At the very least, looking into dissociative disorders in general might be a good idea for you (and your therapist) to explore. This is especially true if these symptoms cause a lot of distress and hardship in your life.

You also talk about not feeling in control of your body, your actions, and your thoughts. The way you describe these feelings is similar to how we and many other systems might describe it. However, it can also be good to also ask if the "someone else" who did and said these things was you in a heightened emotion or at a different time, or if it was a distinctly different person. Even singlets have a variety of emotions based on different situations. Consider how consistent these actions are, is there a pattern? Does x person mostly tend to react y way to z situation? We've found it helpful to establish patterns when trying to figure out if there's a headmate involved.

Regarding your reasons you may not be plural, there's a few things I want to note. Regarding your plural friends, I wouldn't say it's "statistically unlikely" that you're plural. To truly consider the statistics, you would want to look at total populations, like of a region or country, not just in a friend group. For example, some friend groups will have no one plural, but that doesn't mean plural people don't exist. Friends come together for a variety of reasons, largely for similarities in life experiences and identities. It's possible you've found friends similar to you in some regards, and this might include plurality.

Your next three points about retaining most of your memories, feeling always present, and how these "energies" feel similar to your own also do not entirely rule out plurality. These descriptions could be from a median system, which, on the sliding spectrum of plurality, is a sort of is not quite singlet but not quite as distinct as plural systems and their headmates. It might be helpful to look into median systems as well as possibly fragments as you continue to question if you're plural.

On your final point, I do want to point out that not every system experienced trauma. Some experienced trauma but it didn't cause their plurality, and some, even if they experienced trauma, may not feel it was "enough" to cause plurality. What you say about your trauma is what many other plural people say. Try to put that question aside as you question your plurality, or at least don't dig in too deeply.

Now for your notes. The high number of plural autistics has been frequently discussed in the plural community. Not every autistic is plural of course, nor is every plural, but it makes sense that those with different brains and neuro types would also show and develop other differences like plurality. Regarding your BPD or bipolar disorder, there are also systems with these disorders. So it's not really about being plural or having one of these- both can occur. What's important to consider is how the symptoms align with each disorder. Can your amnesia, dissociation, and these different "energies" be explained by BPD or bipolar disorder? Or is there something else going on in addition to that? I think that question might be helpful as your continue those discussions with your therapist.

I hope this has been helpful to you, and we wish you the best as you continue asking if you're plural!