#tw arguments

That's where he decided, with the connections he already had, to hire a whole team. It should have been an easy task, right? It was indeed not.

It was actually the worst thing he had ever done in his life, and he had done a lot of things, very bad things.

On top of that, he had a reputation, something that didn't help with what he was trying to achieve.

That's when you came in, a field expert, someone who had already managed multiple campaigns and won quite a few.

You had been assigned to him, he didn't choose you directly, and it was obvious he didn't want you there, barely speaking to you even though he was required to do so. 

It was the worst part of it all, even if his anger issues were doing much better than in the past, he despised you there. Your confidence, the way you ordered him around and telling him what to do, it was triggering to him in a way, bringing back memories he wanted to put behind him. And he hated every second of it.

And yet that's where you were now, on the building floor you had rented to use as headquarters for the duration of the campaign, in his office, while trying to reason with him yet again.

"Mr. Barnes, we need more interns to hand out flyers, then there's another meeting this week, even though you repeatedly stated that you didn't want to attend any" you said, your tone firmer now with a slight authoritative edge to it, as you read out of the list in your hand.

But as you were about to add more, you heard him mumbling under his breath, causing you to glance up at him with an exasperated look.

He was sitting behind his desk, a few books and files around him, clearly annoyed. His fingers massaging his temple as if he would rather be anywhere else but here.

“Can you stop talking for a moment?” he said, his blue eyes fixed on you with a slightly irritated expression.

'‘There's no need for more for this goddam campaign,’ he then stated with a huff, crossing his arms over his chest as he now leaned back in his chair, avoiding your gaze.

At that, you sighed, rolling your eyes in annoyance as you tried not to start another argument. Not right now, at least.

"Trust me, I'd prefer to be anywhere else than here.." you replied, your tone dry as you now straightened your back, your own arms crossing over your chest as you held your clipboard tighter.

"But I can't just stop asking, believe it or not, your approval is needed with every move I make.." you bit back. 

"You told me to help you, and that's what I'm doing, James. It’s your campaign, after all, " You added, calling him by his name. It wasn't the first time, you were the only one allowed to do so, or at least the only one he seemed to accept it from.

When he looked back at you, a slightly intimidating gaze crossed his eyes as you continued your bickering. He was tired, annoyed and slightly in need of nicotine, even if he wasn't allowed to, as you told him it would be bad for his public image and his health. 

It was clear in every small detail, from his slightly furrowed brows to the hint of tension on his entire face, that he was tense, irritated even. 

"Then help me the way I want " he snapped back at you, his tone harsh as he leaned a bit forward.

"I could have gotten any other person on board, there’s plenty out there, “ he added, his tone slightly mocking, “but no, I’ve been told you were the best, that you knew what you were doing,” he added almost sarcastically. But his tone and mannerism were far from being amused as he nervously looked around, then down at the folders on his desk, before his eyes were back on you.

“But all I hear are complaints and useless requests, do your fucking job...” he grumbled as he ran a hand through his hair “...do what I’m paying you for”

"In case you didn't notice, that's exactly what I'm doing since this nightmare of a campaign started" you reacted, both your arms now along your sides, as your voice raised a bit while your hands clenched tight, still holding that damn clipboard.

"Have you ever wondered why you never had to give an interview or why journalists avoided you? No? That's because I took care of it," you added, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down as you closed your eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of your nose in the process.

You waited a few moments more after that, just to be sure to set your mind straight and not overreact, not this time.

It was an everyday occurrence by now, whenever you had to refer to him, for anything really, you both ended up in a fight.

But especially today, you already had enough as there was still so much to do and you didn’t want to spend another minute being made fun of.

"Alright, alright... never mind…I'll do it myself then.." you then stated, opening your eyes and glancing up at him before exiting his office.

"But start answering your phone, I won't accept another missed call from you"

With that, you closed the door behind you, slamming it hard, walking back to your own office to make some more calls as sponsors waited for no one. 

He didn't move from where he was, his gaze fixed on the door to his office now closed, his jaw slowly relaxing as he slowly let out a breath.

He knew he was being difficult, making your and everyone else's job hell, harder than it needed to be. 

He also knew you were trying your damn best to maintain the campaign afloat while dealing with his stubborn ass. He knew that if it wasn't for you, everything would have collapsed around him sooner rather than later.

But he couldn’t help himself sometimes, he trusted very few people, despite everything, and right now he didn’t trust you.

"Shit..." he muttered, his fingers running through his hair again, tugging at it in his frustration.

He knew that he couldn't just snap back at you as much as he wanted, not after you did so much already. 

The last thing he needed was you walking out on him, he had made that mistake before, you already quit once when he started questioning your work, at the very start of this whole shitshow and he wasn't going to repeat that.

He stayed like that for a few more minutes, until he decided that he needed some fresh air.

Slowly, he got himself to stand up from his chair and exited the room, walking over to where he knew was the way outside.

On the other hand, when you were once safe in your own office, you let out a loud sigh, stopping for a moment against the door before walking over to your desk, not really looking at the chaos that you left on it between documents and half-written statements that you needed to finish..

You were angry, mad, even as this man was probably the most annoying and stubborn you had ever met in your whole career.

To be fair you met a lot of different and weird people, from serial cheaters to straight-up assholes. You've met almost anything that existed on the face of the earth..

In comparison, he was a really good person, and apart from his past, which he was pardoned for, he had an impeccable life.

A lonely one that is, but still, he literally had no dirty secrets that you didn't know of.

And you always knew everything about the people you worked with and for.

Even when you sat down, you kept rethinking about the whole argument while you started busying yourself again, a stack of documents still needing signing, and there was already a list of people you had to call before the day was over.

You sighed at that, looking around for a moment, figuring it out what to do first before starting with the long list of calls.

But then when you looked up, after a minute or so after the first two calls, you noticed him walking down the corridor and out of the building, but you didn't think much of it, as it was a regular occurrence when he was nervous. 

Bucky inhaled deeply, the cool air filling his lungs as he took a look around. 

He wasn't a fan of city life, he couldn't say that New York was his favorite place, or even one that he appreciated. It used to be his home once, but now he felt trapped, to the point he couldn’t breathe sometimes, reminding him of the time he lost in captivity.

Still, it was good to get some air, to try and clear his mind, even if he knew that his thoughts would stay occupied by the same thing that was bothering him.

Bucky leaned against the wall next to the entrance and pulled out a folded cigarette from the pockets of his jacket.

And while he was lost in his own thoughts he lit the cigarette, taking a slow drag as he looked up towards the evening sky.

He had to deal with the campaign - that was something he promised and he was going to do it, but the part he was loathing was you.

You were a constant on and off thing, either he wanted you around or he didn't want to see you anywhere near him. It was honestly frustrating.

Everything really was right now. He couldn’t choose, he couldn’t run away or hide, and he couldn’t fight it. He just had to learn to deal with it, and he didn’t know where to start. 

Bucky took another drag from the cigarette, keeping the smoke in his lungs for a few moments before letting it out, his gaze dropping to the ground as he closed his eyes. 

He was frustrated as hell, and even the cigarette alone couldn't relax him.

He was getting himself worked out over this whole thing, over you, and that made him even more tired. 

He wasn't used to being the one who snapped and couldn't get things done, but here he was, in a damn campaign that he initiated for a promise he made long ago.

Meanwhile, as you were still in your office, you started to feel the heavy weight of the day on your shoulders, your eyes started to hurt the more you looked between the file you were reading and your computer.

You didn't want to go home yet, even if you knew almost too well you had an early rise the next morning, mostly to contact the major news channels.

Then you had a fundraiser to program, and new interns to hire.

This was getting even more complicated than usual, your actual boss not helping you in any way, as he was mostly uninterested in the whole thing and the ex-assassin allegations you had to fight off in order to make it look good in front of the people.

There was a lot in your head, too much to spend another night here.

So you just decided to go home, taking a few documents with you.

_______________

Hello again <3 If you're reading this, thank you.

Kept this one short as i wanted to test it out if people like it or not. so if you like it, feel free to comment or give any advice.

“I love you,” You blurt, feeling suddenly brave. It was just the two of you at the hotel bar - the others had gone up to chill and Derek said he wanted another drink and you offered to stay with him. The others had bid you goodnight before heading up to their rooms. The case had been solved, but Hotch had decided one more night in the hotel couldn’t hurt, so you were leaving after breakfast the next morning.

“Well, I don’t,”

“You don’t love you?”

“No, I don’t love you. So you should just leave. Just fuck off, move states for all I care!” You felt your cheeks heat up, turning a dark red as people’s heads turned towards you.

“What?”

“I don’t love you,” He sneered, stepping closer, “Hell, half the time I struggle liking you!”

“I thought we were friends?”

“It’s called acting,” You open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off, his voice rising louder and louder as he spoke. Finally, letting the anger of the last few years seep through, “For fuck’s sake do you know how hard it is to work with you sometimes?! Huh? It’s fucking painful - physically painful! You take ages to identify links everyone else made minutes ago, you’re constantly tapping your finger or pen or leg and it’s annoying, and- well, sometimes it makes me want to hit you,”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel,” You muttered, you took a breath, looking up at Derek. You saw nothing but anger and hatred. “Well, then I guess I’ll be off… If you need me, I’ll be in my hotel room,” 

You ignore the sympathetic glances, you just wanted to be alone. Heck, maybe cry yourself to sleep. But no, you had to share a room. With Hotch. Not that you minded, Hotch was like a father to you… Or at least a very protective older brother. Which was precisely the problem. If he saw you, he would know you were upset and you’d end up telling him everything and then who knows where it would go from there. It made sense that he had become a sort of father figure, you were one of the youngest members, you had similar intelligence to Spencer, the only difference is the levels of confidence in your abilities. You were constantly doubting your own understanding of what was being asked or discussed - what if you got it wrong? What if someone died because you misunderstood the question? This led to you not always say the links you had made out loud until someone else mentioned it first, or at least mention something similar. 

You stopped outside your room, you could just walk in, faux a smile, say hi, get in the shower and go to bed. Maybe a walk would be better… Or get absolutely shitfaced. You knew that last option probably wasn’t the best and yet that was the one you were leaning to. So you took a deep breath, turned on your heels and walked back down the stairs. Not even sparing Derek a glance as you walked past him while he was on his way back to his room.

Sitting down at the end of the bar, leaning against the wall, you wait until the bartender turned to you to give your order. “I saw what happened earlier, I just wanted to say sorry,” He said softly as he passed you your drink.

“Thanks,” You said before downing it, “Can you keep them coming?” The bartender nodded, refilling your drink.

“Actually, can you just leave the bottle?” You ask him, he gives you a small nod and a smile before leaving the bottle there to tend to someone else. 

You had managed to make your way through half a bottle. You weren’t really sure what happened but some guy was yelling and you asked rather politely for him to shut up. He took quite an offence to that and was quick to lunge himself at you. Naturally, you tried your best to beat the shit out of him, however with your uncoordinated limbs and mind on other matters, he managed to get in a few good hits before the bartenders had separated the fight. You sported a black eye and a bruised cheek, with a huff, you decided it was probably time to call it a night.

You stumbled up the stairs, nearly falling multiple times, you giggled to yourself. “Sshh,” You said, putting a finger on your lips as you continued to laugh. “(Y/N), shh people are sleeping,” You said sternly, before giggling at yourself once again. 

Reaching your door, you attempted to put your key in, furrowing when it didn’t fit. “Aaron?” You whispered. Nothing. With a sigh, you put your lips right against the keyhole, “Aaron? Hotch?” When he didn’t answer yet again, you dropped to your knees before lying fully down, looking in the slit under the door. The light was on. Why was he ignoring you? Did he find you annoying too? There was only one way to find out. “Aaron? My key isn’t working, can you let me in?” You blinked and the door opened. You grinned looking up. “You aren’t Hotch,” You said, confused.

“No, I’m not,” The man said, clearly confused. You stood up, swaying and stumbling as you did so.

“Who are you?” You asked, face scrunched up.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Well, I asked first,” You replied, sloppily folding your arms. “You’re the one in my room,”

“(Y/N)?” You heard behind you, you turned, recognising the voice. Your face lit up.

“Dave!” You cheer before shushing yourself again. “There’s an unsub in my room!”

“(Y/N), that isn’t your room,” Dave said, before pointing to a door two doors down, “That’s your room,”

“But-” You furrowed your eyebrows before turning to the man before whispering, “Sorry, I’ve had a bit to drink tonight,”

“I couldn’t tell,” He said dryly before shutting the door.

“Rude,” You scoffed. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Dave said, “Well, into your room at least - you’ll be Aaron’s responsibility then,”

“Uh-huh,” You said with a nod. Dave knocked on the door, which immediately opened to a concerned looking Aaron Hotchner. “Afternoon,” You said, stumbling over nothing, you went up to Aaron, embracing him in a hug. “You give good hugs man,” You said before walking in and belly-flopping onto your bed.

David and Aaron shared a look that consisted of extreme concern and slight amusement before Rossi shrugged and said something about Aaron being the most equipped to help you since he was the one who had a kid before he left. Aaron turned to you leaning against the bathroom doorframe, watching as you stumbled up. 

“I feel like a teenager who missed curfew,” You said. Aaron sighed slightly, moving to the side to let you into the bathroom.

“I won’t lie, I did feel like your parent waiting for you to come home,” Aaron commented, he watched as you grabbed a towel from the bathroom, mumbling about not having brought a blanket with you. 

You plonked yourself on the bed again, Aaron crouched on the floor as he helped you take off your shoes. “Why are you drunk, (Y/N)? I know you and I know you hate drinking,”

“Yeah, but I’m sad,” You said, adding jazz hands as if that made everything you said better. Aaron stood up, sitting on the bed next to you, gazed filled with concern.

“And you’re sad, because…?” 

“Because I’m lonely,” You said, despite being completely off your face, you were still smart. You didn’t want to get Derek into trouble with Hotch. Because, well, you loved him. Even if he hated you. “Very, very lonely, and that’s never gonna change,” You said, shaking your head, “Never ‘cause, ‘cause I’m annoying and stupid and- and it takes me years to connect things everyone else made immediately. ‘Cause I’m always tapping stuff and- and it’s painful to be near me,” Repeating some of the things Derek had said to you.

“What?” Aaron asked jaw dropped. “Where on earth did you hear those things, (Y/N)? Because none of them are true,”

You nodded, wiping your hands roughly against your eyes as they filled with tears against your will. “Yeah it is, it really is,” You said before you hiccuped, “And now I’m gonna be sick too!” With wide eyes, Aaron quickly grabbed the trashcan, pushing it under your face as you vomited. When you were done, Aaron grimaced as he got rid of the vomit before sitting down next to you.

“And what exactly happened with…?” Aaron motioned to your face and the bruises occupying it.

“Oh, bar fight,” You said with a shrug. “I think I’m a little tooooooo drunk,”

“Uh-huh,” Aaron agreed, “Are you going to tell me why you think those things about yourself?”

You groaned, “Because it’s the truth,”

“Alright, alright, I’ll drop it, I’m not going to be able to talk some sense into you now anway,” Aaron said with a sigh, “What did you get up to tonight?”

“I got drunk,” You rolled your eyes, tilting your head in Aaron’s direction, “Are you drunk too? You keep asking the same things...”

“I meant with your evening, you stayed behind with Morgan...” Aaron trailed off, looking at you expectedly. 

“Got shitfaced and in a fight,” You said, “Oh and tried to enter someone else’s hotel room,” Aaron bit his tongue to stop the smile.

“Alright, get some sleep,” He said, “I’ll be one second, alright? Just going to let Dave know you’re okay,” You hummed, throwing your hand in the air with a thumbs up. 

Aaron did not in fact, go to Dave’s room and instead went to Morgan’s, rapping lighty on the door. “Hotch?” Morgan asked with furrowed eyebrows, “Is there another body?”

“No,” He said, “I wanted to ask what happened with (Y/N),”

“Nothing, why?”

“He got drunk, very, very drunk,” Aaron answered, “And I’m concerned because he hardly ever drinks, let alone get drunk. And you were the last person he spoke to so I just assumed you might know,”

“No, sorry,” Derek lied.

Aaron had a nagging feeling that Derek wasn’t telling him the complete truth, but decided not to press it tonight, it could wait until morning. “Alright, thank you anyway. Get a good night’s sleep Morgan,”

“You too, Hotch,” 

 You woke up with a hangover from hell. You managed to get dressed without saying more than a ‘good morning’ to Hotch, which you were grateful for. You really didn’t need Hotch prying at this ungodly hour in the morning. Hotch watched you for a moment before going back to flicking through the file. That man always wakes up at stupid o’clock in the morning to get in some extra hours.

“What on earth happened to you?” Emily asked with wide eyes, seeing the bruises that had developed further overnight.

“What do you think?” You asked sarcastically, you rubbed your temple for a moment before answering, “I got drunk and eventually got into a fight,”

“And why the hell did you do that?” JJ asked, crossing her arms.

“Oh I don’t know,” You lied. Because I love him and he hates me.

“Someone clearly gets snappy with their hangovers,” Emily teased, you let out a groan, putting your hands on your forehead.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” You sigh, “I’m a bit stressed,”

“I can see that,” She grinned, you let out a small laugh, shaking your head slightly before wincing at the pressure on your skull it creates. “That look like it hurt,”

“It did,” You mumble. 

“You should have seen him last night,” Rossi grinned as he walked up to the trio. “He tried getting into the wrong room and everything,”

You groan in reply, too tired and hungover to reply, you just sat down and put your head in your hands. JJ rolled her eyes with a small smile before handing you over some pain medication, you thanked her before taking the meds with a glass of water. “Let’s go grab some breakfast,” Hotch said, you groan quietly. “Or some black coffee,”

“I’m up for that one,” You mumbled. 

You all walked into the main lobby, a waiter picking up a few menus, before leading you all to a large empty table before sitting you all down.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to settle down,” He said with a smile before leaving. 

You watched as Derek browsed the menu, not taking his eyes off of it as you watched him for a moment. You looked away and back down to the menu, knowing that you were only going to get a coffee. But you felt the concerned glances of Hotch, so you averted your eyes in hopes it would make him look away. It did, after a few seconds, but you could still feel his worry. 

“What can I get you all today?”

“Can I get a black coffee?” You asked, when the waiter nodded you gave a small smile before relaxing back down into the chair. 

After everyone else finished ordering, the waiter left preparing the drinks first. You gave him a thankful nod and a small, quiet ‘thank you’. 

You stared down at your coffee, ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach when you got the occasional look from a waiter, a different one to the one serving your table. It took you a moment before you recognised him. It was the bartender for the night before. God, no wonder the guy looked just as bad as you, he’d been up the same amount of time having to deal with your drunk ass. He gave you a small smile, which you returned, when he passed to take the order of the table a few down from you.

“Oh- I just ordered coffee,” You say in confusion at the said waiter, Drew, as he placed a plate full of food in front of you. 

“Don’t worry, it’s on the house,” He said, “It helps me with my hangovers, so I thought it might help you… You’re looking a bit rough,”

You chuckle slightly, rubbing a hand on your forehead, “That obvious?”

“Well, that and I’m the guy that got you most of those drinks,” He grinned.

“Oh yeah… You must have made a fortune,” You joked.

“Nah,” Drew said before shrugging, “Most of them were on the house,”

You ignored the blush creeping it’s way up your neck, looking down at your hands for a moment before back up at him, “You won’t get in trouble, will you?”

“For that? Nah, for punching the guy who hit you? Ehhh, maybe,” He said, you let out a small laugh. “I’ll let you know, my boss wants to speak to me at the end of the shift apparently,”

“You didn’t have to, you know,” 

“Well, from where I was standing, it looked like you were losing,” He winked before he wandered off. 

“I was not losing!” You shout after him, wincing both at the pain that exploded in your head as well as the stares you got in return for your yells. 

“Looks like someone’s got an admirer,” Emily teased, you rolled your eyes.

“Oh whatever,” You mumbled before digging into your breakfast. Spinach and egg omelette and a slice of avocado toast. Damn he went all out. Not that you were complaining, you were willing to try anything to get rid of this hangover from hell.

You all began to eat, exchanging minimal talk if the case as you did so. Both not wanting to disturb the other customers but also not wanting to make anyone feel ill before the day had even properly started. Toward the end of breakfast, Hotch’s phone rang and he excused himself from the table to take a phone call. 

“A body just turned up, it has the signature,” Hotch said as he walked up to you all, you furrowed your eyebrows, “Either we got the wrong guy or Jeffers has a partner,”

“We didn’t profile there being two killers,” Rossi said.

“It couldn’t be a copycat, could it?” Emily asked, Hotch shook his head.

“The signature wasn’t released to the media,” Hotch explained. You sigh, quickly downing the coffee before shoving the remains of the food into your mouth. Surprisingly enough, you felt pretty decent.

You all put the cost of your food on the table (you made sure to add a few extra dollars for Drew’s tip) before you stood up to go to your hotel room to grab your bags. Drew waved you over to the counter, with a small smile. With furrowed eyebrows, you walked over to him.

“Here is my number,” Drew said, seeing you were about to protest, he continued, “For when you get over that guy from last night,” You gave him a small smile, lightly taking a piece of paper from his hands.

“Thanks, I’’ll er- I’ll give you a call,”

“Oh, one more thing, I know I don’t really know you, but I highly doubt anything he said was true,” You give him a smile before turning to leave, you would definitely call him.

Once you had all gathered everything that you needed, the team all hopped into the SUVs, you kept quiet throughout the journey, making sure that you didn’t annoy anyone. You doubt that you would have, Derek was in the other SUV, but you made sure to keep quiet. Just in case. You didn’t think Derek found you annoying until last night. 

Everyone noticed that you were quieter than usual, even before you were flirted with, asking fewer questions for clarification and you weren’t anxiously tapping against any surface you could like usual. No, instead you sat quietly, not adding your usual comments. How you would occasionally sit on your hands to avoid tapping something. Everyone also noticed how you and Derek steered clear of each other. Luckily, no one had decided to comment on it.

“JJ, Rossi, Reid- I want you two to go to the latest crime scene,” Hotch said, “Morgan, (Y/N), I want you to go talk to the family, Emily i want you to go to the first crime scene see if there’s anything we missed,”

“Actually, Hotch, I’d rather go with Emily,” Morgan said, you felt your cheeks flush a deep red, your eyes immediately going down to look at your hands as you nervously picked at the skin around them. 

“I can talk to the family alone,” You offer to Hotch, who shakes his head.

“No, I’ll go with you,” Hotch said, “Dave, you go with Emily and Morgan, we’ll regroup after and go through what we find,” 

You parted ways with the rest of the team, getting into the car with Hotch. Hotch shut the door and turned to you, “What really happened?”

“What?” You asked, ‘feign innocence’ you thought to yourself. “With what?”

“You know what I’m talking about, last night. With Morgan, what really happened?”

“Nothing,” You said with a shrug.

“Don’t lie, (Y/N),” Hotch said, “I know you well enough to know when you’re lying,”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” You snapped before you could stop yourself.

A moment of silence passed between you, “He said those things, didn’t he?” You nodded silently. Hotch sighed deeply, “You know nothing he said is true, right?” Your silence provided the answer he needed, “(Y/N) you’re not any of those things. I promise you, you aren’t,”

“Can we just talk about the case?” 

“No,” Hotch said, “Not just yet, I just want to know what caused this, why did he say the things he did?” 

You bit your lips, wondering if you should tell him. You knew Hotch. You knew he wouldn’t drop it until you told him. But he would be pissed and confront Morgan. Which would just bring it all up again and then there’d be an argument. You really didn’t want there to be an argument. 

“(Y/N)?”

“Fine,” You said with a huff, “But I don’t want there to be an argument. I told him that I was madly in love with him. Well, I didn’t say madly in love, just in love, but I think that madly was implied,”

“And then he told you all those things?”

“No, first he told me he didn’t love me, like me, or cared if I moved state,” You said with a shrug. Seeing the angry look on Hotch’s face you sighed. “Don’t say anything, I know you want to but just let it go,” You said with a shrug, “There’s no point holding onto it. Things will just be awkward for a while but then it’ll be like ‘did that even happen or was it just a dream?’ and I’ll be like ‘dude it was a dream, are you high?’ and then you’ll forget it happened completely,” 

“Are you still drunk?”

“Fucking possibly,” 

“I’m going to talk to him about it,”

“Hotch no-”

“Only because it’s affecting our work,” Hotch reassured, “No other reason,” 

You let out a snort, “Yeah, okay. Nothing to do with you being ridiculously protective,”

“Not at all,”

“Liar,”

Morgan knew Hotch knew what had happened the second Hotch walked into the room. He and Emily had been bouncing back and forth a couple of theories about the case, Hotch had stormed in, a rather sheepish looking (Y/N) trailing behind him.

You moved straight to the closest chair, sitting in it and burying your head in a file in an attempt to try to ignore the awkwardness that had spread out through the room. Hotch moved towards Morgan, pulling him into the hallway to ‘have a quick word’ before they both walked back in. 

“Really? You told him?” Derek sneered, before he scoffed, “Jesus could you be any more of a dick! What, you couldn’t handle the truth so you run to Hotch? It’s fucking pathetic,”

“I-” You stuttered for a moment, “I didn’t-”

“Morgan, that’s enough,” Hotch said sharply. 

“You know he’s an adult right, Hotch?” Morgan sneered, “He’s a big boy who should be able to look after himself,” You looked down at the floor as he spoke, not wanting to show the emotions that flooded through your eyes. 

“Morgan, that’s enough,” Hotch warned.

“Why?!” Morgan exclaimed, “He’s nearly thirty! He should be able to take an argument! But no, he has to go and get you - like a child, like a fucking child!” 

“I don’t- I don’t understand-”

“God, how is this so difficult for you?!” Morgan yelled, “I don’t even like you as a person!” 

You looked down at the file in your hands, “Can we just leave it?” You asked, “Can we just do our job?”

“Why, you gonna cry now?” Morgan sneered, stepping closer to you. “God you’re so pathetic, how did you even get into the academy?”

“I thought you cared,” You said softly.

“I don’t care about you,” Derek said, emphasising each word, “No one does,”

“Morgan, take a walk, now,”

“No, no it’s alright, I’m gonna go this way anyway,” You mumbled, gathering the file into your hands and scrambling out of the room before anyone could comment. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” You heard Hotch ask sharply. 

“I’m fed up with you babying him man!” Derek exclaimed back, “I’m sick of it, he’s a grown-ass man who can fight his own battles,” You were glad when their voices faded as you continued to walk, knowing that if you had heard any more of it, your anxiety would spike further.

You know it’s childish, but when you spot a free locker in the locker room, you dump your phone into it before walking out and making your way towards a place you’ll be able to forget about what had happened with Derek. When you spot a janitor’s closet you make a beeline towards it and shut yourself in before turning the light on and locking the door. You doubted anyone would look in here anyway, well, unless they actually thought you were a child. You sink to the floor, back leaning against the door. You dump your stuff to the right of you, knowing you won’t be able to do any work right now, not until you’ve calmed down anyway. 

Recognising the symptoms of a panic attack, you force your head between your knees and take deep breaths until you felt the panic subside a little. You let out a huff, wanting nothing more than to scream - or at least groan really, really loudly. Slowly you lift your head back up, taking another deep breath. You shifted slightly in your position as you reached for the file - this floor was definitely going to make your ass numb. Oh well, the likelihood of someone finding you in here was a lot lower than a place with a comfier seat. 

Your mind reels as you’re desperately trying to focus on the case in front of you, were you and Derek going to make up? Would he apologise? Should he even be the one apologising? What was Hotch saying? What were the rest of the team going to say when they found out? Would the team ever be like it was before this mess had happened? Would they even look at you the same way? Would you still be able to work with Derek after this?

After staring at the file for at least ten minutes you sigh, flipping to the back page and taking your pen. Taking a breath, you began to write.

‘I’m not really sure what I’m doing but decided ‘hey, I know what to do, let’s write down what you’re feeling’ and so that’s what I’m doing. So I thought no time like the present and I can’t seem to focus on the case or anything and it’s not like sitting in the janitor’s closet is productive so I thought I would give it a shot now. 

I just wish I could be different. That I was less annoying, that I was smarter - all of these different things. Less exhausting. I’m tempted to request a transfer or hand in my resignation. I could get another job. I’m not quite sure what I could do, maybe sales? I feel like profiling would be useful in sales. God, I hope I won’t have to get a job in sales. I could not deal with the pressure of that…

I just wish I hadn’t have said anything. It’s not like saying nothing would have changed anything. But saying something seemed to fuck everything up. (Maybe that should go on my list of traits I need to change.) 

I am aware I am probably being extremely dramatic. It’ll all blow over in a few days, right? I’ll give it a little while. As long as the awkwardness isn’t putting anyone in danger, I don’t see why I should have leave. If it puts anyone in danger, I might though. I don’t want anyone on the team getting hurt because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.’ 

You shrug, I mean sure, it wasn’t perfect, but at least your emotions were mostly now expressed. You knew you wouldn’t be able to transfer - or resign, for that matter. You loved the team (albeit, one member too much but nevertheless). You slipped the letter into the back of the file before looking at your watch. You felt a bit lighter, now that it was on paper, you had written down your feelings and couldn’t help but feel a bit lighter. 

Now that you finally felt stable enough to do work, you opened the file and looked down at the case on your lap. 

It had been about thirty minutes when you heard three quiet taps on the door, causing you to freeze. “(Y/N)?” Hotch’s voice sounded through the door, you shut your eyes, quietly sighing. You had wanted more time to yourself. “(Y/N), I know you’re in there,”

‘I wonder how many empty closets he has said that too…’ You thought to yourself. 

“Open the door,” Hotch sighed when he was met by silence, “I’ll kick down the door,”

“And put your back out,” You said with a small snort before your eyes widened. Shit. Now Hotch definitely knew you were in there. 

“(Y/N),” Hotch said seriously, “We have a lead,”

“Fine, I’m coming out,” You said, there was a small pause, Hotch shut his eyes, knowing what was coming. You opened the door, “Sir, I’m a giant homosexual,” 

Hotch sighed loudly, “Come on, we have a team briefing,” He paused before fishing something out of his pocket. “Also, here’s your phone,”

“Thanks,” You said as you pocketed it. You followed him into the room you were all using as your base camp. “I thought we had a briefing?”

“We do,” Hotch answered as you sat down. You looked around the table, the whole team sat around it.

“Then where’s the lead detective?”

“It’s a different kind of briefing,” Rossi answered, you paled as you realise what was about to happen.

“Guys, come on, it’s not that serious we don’t need to-”

“Yeah, we do,” Emily answered. 

“No, we really don’t,” You pressed, “Besides, it’s been like a whole… hour since it happened, I’m basically over it,” You rolled your eyes when Derek scoffed under his breath. “Okay, maybe we do need to talk about,” You said, folding your arms and leaning back in your chair as you looked at Derek with raised eyebrows. “Something to say?”

“You’re pathetic,” He started.

“You’ve already stated that,” You said, during your time in the closet, you had had time to reflect. “Many, many times. And you know what? If you think that, cool, good for you. I don’t care at this point because well, to put it bluntly - that’s your problem. You find me annoying: cool, well done. But that isn’t on me, that’s on you not being able to keep your own emotions in check. I’m not responsible for that. Nor am I responsible for how to respond to things, what you do, and what you say. They are all on you. And right now I don’t care that you don’t care about me or like me - I know you enough to know that you’ll do your job anyway and watch my back in the field. And if you don’t, well, I’ll be dead in that situation so I won’t care,”

After your banishment, two cookies that you loved dearly were having a conversation, it wasn’t peaceful. 

“You…” Caramel Arrow Cookie said with anger and a glare “You framed them!?” the Watcher angrily yelled at Affogato Cookie, who stayed silent with his usual smile gone. “I can’t believe I trusted you…” Caramel Arrow Cookie said as she angrily looked away. “They’re out in the snowstorm alone, almost defenseless…” The thought of you trudging sadly in the harsh snowstorm alone away from the kingdom saddened her greatly, “because of you…” She looked back at Affogato Cookie with a glare replacing the worried frown on her face. “I hope you’re proud of yourself” She said as she walked away. Affogato Cookie only looked away with a frown as the Watcher walked away. 

“What have I done…” 

[Back to the present] 

You were in your room, preparing to sleep when you saw something that Affogato Cookie gave you, and the sadness hits you almost immediately as you remember him and what he has done. ‘Did he even love me?’ You eventually shake off that thought as you went to sleep. 

[Timeskip] 

Affogato Cookie was walking outside the kingdom, in search of something. When he bumped into you in a forest. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, “You look rather… familiar” he says while narrowing his eyes slightly, trying to remember who you are. That’s when he remembered one important memory, locked away in the far back of his mind, his confession. His and Caramel Arrow Cookie’s confession, to be exact. You were the one he loved oh so dearly, the reason behind all those pangs of guilt, the one he caused the banishment of all that time ago… 

The realisation of who he is hit you too, and he was not oblivious to that as he saw your expression. “Darling-” He says as he takes a step forward, but you cut him off while taking a step back “Don’t” His heart broke at the sadness in your voice “You can stop pretending you love me” those seven words that came out of your mouth shocked him, so much that he didn’t manage to hide it. “After all, I mean nothing but a stepping stone to your scheme, don’t I?” He flinched, he was surprised that you knew about his scheme, were you just pretending you didn’t know this whole time? 

“I hope you’re happy with what you got from my banishment” 

You said with tears rolling down your cheeks, “I’m glad you were doing well while I was gone” you turned around to walk away. “Wait…” Affogato Cookie held his hand out to you, trying to catch up to you, apologise, explain, and hold you lovingly again, but he only froze as he watched you leave. “I…” He lowered his hand slightly, the cold, harsh wind blowing at him. “...didn’t mean to…” 

“I don’t understand why you’re getting so upset,” Nicky argued, arms crossed across his chest. The two of you were standing in the living area, a few feet away from each other.

“Nicky, this is extremely dangerous.” you said, "How could I not be upset?"

“You know I have to do this, toots."

“Do you really?” you asked, “Why can’t we just go? Wouldn’t that be the best option for everyone involved?”

“It don’t work like that.”

“Why not?” You stared into his eyes, waiting for him to give you one good reason. “We can take what we can and go to LA. You’ll be out of Floyd’s way and it won’t be your problem anymore. We’ll make do once we get there. We would be okay.” To you, it seemed like a perfect option. Nicky wouldn’t be in danger and you would be able to start your lives together. Sure, that would mean Floyd would win and you would have a rough start in LA, but at least Nicky wouldn’t have to put his life on the line.

“In a perfect world, maybe it would work.” Nicky agreed, “But this ain’t it.”

"What if you get hurt? What happens then?" You asked, "And what if something worse happened to you? Come on Nicky, just-"

"I can't just leave." He interrupted you. His tone was harsh, like a parent scolding their child. Honestly, it would have hurt less if he shouted at you. "I worked hard to get where I am today. I can’t run away, Y/N. That would be ridiculous."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Ridiculous?" You echoed. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. 

"Yeah, ridiculous."

"And what about me leaving my life behind to be with you?" You asked, "I left everything, Nicky. My home, my job, my family. Is that ridiculous?" Your eyes blurred and your words got caught in your throat. You loved Nicky, yes, but thinking about what you left behind stung sometimes, especially when Nicky didn’t recognize what you left behind.

He went quiet. “Both of us have sacrifices to make to get this relationship to work.” He said after a moment of consideration, picking his words carefully. “You made yours when you decided to stay here with me. Let me make mine.”

“I just don’t understand why you have to put yourself in harms way.”

“I know, but after this, I won’t have to ever again, I promise.”

An awkward silence settled like a blanket over the two of you. You didn’t know what to say. There was honking outside, and Nicky sighed. “We’ll talk more when I get back, okay?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, so you simply nodded.

Nicky grabbed his coat, the door slamming behind him. You were left alone, overwhelmed with emotions. With shaky hands, you poured yourself a drink, only bringing yourself to drink half of it.