#tripleaxeldiaz

I was tagged by @qqueenofhades mwah dear!

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love. ❤

I know what I would pick for the five if I was being fully honest - it's the same five I've repeatedly picked before (Reincarnation AU, Hades!Buck AU, Zombie Apocalypse AU, Ghost!Buck AU, and Hades!Eddie AU). But I wanted to challenge myself and pick five fics from this year, 2024, since it is the end of the year and it would be nice to look back on it.

I wrote far more fanfic than I planned (728,600 words), including a threesome collection and a rarepair (77k words for a Midsomer Murders fic what is wrong with me). I had hoped to surprise post my big Xedgin fic as a new year's gift but that ended up not happening, alas. I haven't forgotten it though and while I am now 100% focused on my original novels I promise to find time to post it.

Anyway enough navel-gazing, here are my five favorite fics from this year!

Racing with the Brakes Cut

My Fast & Furious AU that I wrote in a burst of inspiration after I was made to marathon the series with friends. I had a lot of fun writing it. There's a very particular feel to the first F&F film - a vibe of Los Angeles in the dog days of summer, a sense of desperate people living in the beautiful grit of the city, a feeling of messy found family, and a particular brand of homoeroticism, that I wanted to capture. I like to think I succeeded.

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck)

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO JUST BE A FUN SUGAR BABY AU. I predicted it would be around 60k words and it turned out double that number. But I'm really proud of how I wove seasons one through four into this canon and ended up incorporating Buck and Eddie's alternate relationship into the canon. This is also a fic I posted chapter by chapter and the responses I got from everyone along the way were delightful. I think this might be one of my most popular fics, actually. I just had a blast writing it and responding to everyone's comments, it really felt like a community, and that's what fic and fandom are all about.

Connected the Dots in Reverse (But Still Completed the Picture)

This is a Ghost Files/Unsolved AU and that proved to be a challenge. How do you capture the feeling of watching a video in a written work? How do you replicate the banter and the humorous editing? I also had to watch the entire two series over again to pick what locations and quotes I wanted to incorporate into the fic, so that was a lot. But I had a lot of fun writing it. It was especially fun to get to lean into Eddie's sassy, goofy, Buck-enabling side.

The Blood Between My Teeth is My Own

I am so proud of myself that this was only 32k. YAY, ME! I love the 118 as werewolves, and it was great to finally dive into that with a fic that had a proper plot. It was fun to explore Eddie's personal issues through the lens of lycanthropy, and I enjoyed depicting werewolves as properly monstrous rather than just big wolves or slightly-transformed humans. I wrote this in the span of about 72 hours and I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.

I’m Not Breathing Unless I’m Giving You CPR

YES I KNOW THIS IS FROM 2023 BUT BEAR WITH ME. I wrote this fic as an experiment and was extremely nervous about its reception. I didn't think most people would read it or enjoy it. But if you look at my stats page for 2023, it has the most hits, second-most kudos, second-most bookmarks, and second-most comments. I'm floored, absolutely floored. Over the last year I've repeatedly gotten really lovely comments from people talking about how this fic has affected them, and it's really meant more than I can say. Especially as I dive into my novels which feature characters who are various levels of disaster and do often mess up, or are hard to love, or who make wrong or bad choices, or are mentally unwell, it's so encouraging to know that this darker fic that I really was nervous about has been so loved.

half my soul (as the poets say) sterek, long-distance relationship, au

.

The first blush of dawn wakes him. Stiles isn’t used to an east facing room—his childhood bedroom was orientated to the north, his dorm to the west—and already it’s on his list of things to look for when he eventually moves. He needs to get blackout curtains or he’s never going to get a decent night’s sleep, but it’s been low on his priority list. 

He yanks the pillow next to his over his face and gropes for his phone on the nightstand. “Siri, call Derek,” he directs, voice scratchy. Calling is such a familiar motion that he could probably navigate the screen without looking at it, but the last thing he wants is to mess up and be forced to talk to someone else at 4:36 in the morning. 

“Jesus, I just fell asleep,” is how Derek answers the phone. There’s warmth in his tone when he adds, “go back to sleep, baby,” and Stiles grins sleepily into the pillow. 

“Kay,” he says, setting the phone on the mattress next to him and turning on his side. The pillow on his face blocks the light but even with Derek’s not-really-there presence, it still takes too long before he does.

—

“You’re up early,” Stiles says, tapping the speaker button before letting the phone rest on his thigh. 

52: gripping thigh

Buck wanted it on record that he hated the doctors. It wasn’t a fear, no – he hadn’t been one of those kids who’d been scared of going to the doctor. No, his hatred was relatively new: and as a result of all the long days, and lonely nights he’d spent siting in hospital waiting rooms, or lying in a hospital bed himself, waiting on news about the people he loved the most in the world – or waiting on news about himself.

News that would impact on the rest of his life, his career – impact all of the things that made him happiest.

He avoided going to the doctor, as much as possible – they had the yearly physicals from the LAFD, and routine checks after fires, but he rarely went of his own accord.

Until today.

Buck’s leg had been playing up. It had started a few weeks ago, now, a twinge after a long rescue, and Buck had just assumed he’d twisted it. He’d gone home, and done the hot-and-cold therapy, Eddie a diligent nurse as he counted down fifteen minutes on his watch, switching out Buck’s ice, for a heat-pack, and back again.

It had been okay, after that. Not perfect, no – it wasn’t perfect because Buck’s leg was never going to be perfect again, not after having the weight of a fire engine on it, but it was as okay as it ever was. Buck had – well, he’d learned to live with the pain, and the way his knee would ache, when the weather turned colder.

Except –

It got worse.

Buck had gritted his teeth, and worked through the pain, and he hadn’t told Eddie, and he was getting away with it, too, until his leg had given out in the shower, and he’d slipped, and he’d had to shout for his husband to help.

Eddie had been the one who’d made the doctors appointment after he’d scooped a wet Buck out of the shower and ran him through concussion protocol. They’d gone to their GP, and their GP had referred Buck to an orthopaedic specialist, who’d sent Buck for what felt like dozens of scans, and now they were sitting in his office, and Buck felt like he was having a panic attack.

“Breathe, baby,” Eddie’s voice was steady, as he spoke.

It sort of made Buck want to scream.

“I can’t,” Buck shook his head.

“Buck, you don’t know what he’s going to say,” Eddie’s eyes were wide, pleading, as he looked at Buck. “You need to calm down, or you’re going to work yourself up into a panic attack.”

He was already halfway there, frankly.

Buck shook his head. “I can’t,” he repeated, and he hated the way his voice cracked, mid-sentence, his own terror, and upset, escaping the vice he’d tried to clamp them in before they’d walked into the doctor’s office. He didn’t want to cry. “Eddie, how can I calm down? I don’t – I don’t know what he’s about to turn around and tell me. What if – what if I can’t work? What if there’s something really, terribly, horribly wrong, and he’s going to tell me that I can’t go back to being a firefighter?”

Eddie looked crestfallen. “Buck,” he admonished gently. “Why haven’t you talked to me about how you’re feeling? I didn’t – I didn’t realise that was where your head was at with all of this.”

“I don’t know how to talk about it,” Buck admitted, and that was the truth of it: it had been years, now, since the bombing, and he still woke up in a cold sweat, the phantom weight of the fire engine crushing his leg feeling as though it was pinning him to their bed. It had been years, and sometimes Buck still didn’t know how to talk about it, how to talk about the way it made him feel, talk about the fear that always lingered in the back of his mind, wondering if an injury he’d gotten at 28 was going to be the thing that forced him to retire from the only job he’d ever loved years before he should have to.

He didn’t know how to talk about it.

“Buck...”

“Eddie, don’t,”  Buck shook his head. “I didn’t talk about it because I can’t – I can’t take the platitudes, I can’t deal with you telling me that everything is going to be okay, because you don’t know if it’s going to be okay. You don’t, and I can’t handle you telling me everything is going to be fine.”

Buck squeezed his eyes shut. He’s not sure that he could handle the sympathetic look that he knew was on Eddie’s face right now, because he was pretty sure that the sympathy would be the thing to send him over the edge.

“Buck. Can you look at me, for a second?”

“No,” Buck mumbled. “I’ll cry.”

He could hear the barely concealed laughter in Eddie’s voice. “That’s okay,” he said. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen you cry.”

Buck opened his eyes and glared at his husband. “Are you calling me a cry-baby?”

“I’d never,” Eddie grinned. “I think you’re in touch with your own emotions in an admirable and healthy way.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he huffed. “Eddie – I’m terrified that he’s going to walk in here and tell me that it’s over, and I can’t be a firefighter anymore.”

Buck hadn’t realised his leg was bouncing up and down until Eddie put a hand on his thigh, his grip tight. The gold of his wedding ring was striking against the navy material of Buck’s trousers, a reminder of the commitment they’d made to each other only a few months ago, now.

“I won’t sit here, and tell you that it’s going to be okay,” Eddie said, giving Buck a reassuring smile. “But I will sit here and tell you that no matter what he says, and no matter what he says, we’re going to get through this. Okay? I mean – it’s not really okay, I know, but – well, you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Buck flashed his husband a watery smile.

“Take a deep breath for me,” Eddie encouraged, and Buck was too tired to fight it this time, mimicking the way his husband was breathing in, and out. “That’s it. Take another one for me.”

Buck breathed in, and out, and as he breathed out for the second time, the door opened.

“Mr Buckley-Diaz,” his doctor greeted, holding a sheaf of paper. “I’ve got the results of your scans here.”

Eddie’s grip on Buck’s thigh was tight enough to be uncomfortable, but it was grounding, in a way. Buck nodded. “Okay,” he breathed in again, long, and slow. “Hit me with it, doc.”

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

oh this is a good one. i don't think so? OH, high school aus. i used to love high school aus -- when i was in high school. now, i'm an old, jaded woman, and though i can appreciate their existence and what they might provide for other people who do enjoy them still, i do not have the patience for teenie brains anymore. i simply do not. you're a CHILD. it's not the end of the world do ur homework

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

i'm so fucking excited for @nymika-arts's manifest au u have NO idea. i'm gonna lock her in a room and make her finish it lauren just you watch

37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?

i mean, it's gotta be keep going, keep going come way may. like. i wrote that before coma buck was even the inkling of a theory. i just thought the Vibes would be cool. and they WERE. and it helped me process a lot of the grief i was experiencing at the time, too. idk, i feel like it maybe doesn't get too much traction because of the summary??? like, people assume it's an au or something idk fjsakldfj but i'm really proud of it and i always enjoy a good deep-dive into buck's psyche

oh man i could tell you so many but. hmm. i'll give you one of the tamer ones fdsjklf

she spent most of the date talking about snakes and how much she loved them and was obsessed with them and at the time i was also just pining over someone else anyway so it was extra annoying and then she tried to make out with me in the bathroom and it was just. like. an "i'm gonna pay the bill and leave" kind of situation but since i was pining and sad i,,,, didn't do that rip and i saw it through. like. the whole way through. i'm still ashamed of it fjadsklf

asdjfkhs anything for you, lauren!!! 😘😘😘