warnings: venting about age dysphoria
speaking of age dysphoria, i've been having it super bad recently. especially combined with size dysphoria. and nothing i do really seems to fix it and it sucks. literally at this point it seems like the only thing that could fix me doesn't exist in reality, which is some sort of de-aging HRT or a way to put my body into a smaller one
i want to be small. i want to be held. i wish i could fit in 2T clothes. im jealous of babies in their strollers with their parents in a way that breaks my heart. i shouldn't be jealous of a baby. they didn't do anything wrong but be born :( and that makes me feel guilty. i want to go to daycare, to preschool. two things i literally did not get to experience when i was a bio baby/toddler/kid.
i want to be in a constant state of learning new things simply because i am too young to have experienced much at all. i dont want this soul crushing weight of being imperfect because i cannot be in the body im supposed to be in. the public will ever truly see me as a baby. im tired of being told im "adulting" by my mother; it feels genuinely hateful even though i know she's just excited for me. its all so tiring, yknow
