#transadvice

My advice for you high schoolers and 20 somethings:

It’s ok to be terrified. Fuck, I’m still terrified. When I come out I get disowned and probably will be attacked by my mother. Fear is rational but find people you can talk to about it. The biggest lesson I’m learning is blood ties don’t matter. The phases int blood is thicker than water, it’s “the blood of the covanent is thicker than the water of the womb” the family we choose means more than the family we were born with. Watch “Fast and Furious” Dom knows what’s up. If your blood loves you keep them close (i love my sister) if not leave them behind (incredibly difficult and I’m struggling with this but it’s true).

Remember your brain always puts more emotional weight on what you have now than what you could gain if things change. Im not ashamed to say I was bigoted against LGBTQ+, I wasn’t hostile but I was less than accepting. I was very much a “dudebro” I think when it came to “the gays”. Looking back I think it was becuase they had something I wanted but didn’t have the skills (social or otherwise) to achieve for myself. They accepted and loved who they were. I had something that I was doing MASSIVE amounts of emotional work to hide, push down, and ignore. Even when I FINALLY said to myself “I am transgender” the first thing I did was see a therapist HOPING they would tell me I wasn’t. I wanted someone to tell me that this wasn’t who I was this whole time cause it would be “easier” to keep denying than to take steps on a new journey into a new different life. So take the step even if it takes a while to make the first one and even if it takes a while longer to take the second step (it took until February of 2020 before I started seeing a doctor) keep taking steps, they get easier and quicker once you start.

Finally, and this is the hard one, accept yourself. I still have trouble with this but honestly since I’ve started taking steps to transition I don’t wake up every morning and wish I had died in my sleep. I don’t wanna say that all my depression is gone, that give the wrong impression, but I do want to live now. I want to grow into the woman that I’ve been this whole time. I have so much more emotional energy now that I’m not denying who I am. Accepting yourself is the first step you will take on loving yourself and I’m finally starting to believe I can love myself.

Also, anyone who says that highschool is “the best years of your life” is fucking stupid. Highschool sucks rancid balls.

Life gets better. It’s difficult sometimes (I’ve got hard times ahead) but holy fuck does it get better.

- his baggiest t shirt

- his binder

It’s never too late...

A year ago today I was not happy. I mean I said I was happy but looking back I was not. You may or may not see it but in the left picture my eyes yell at me a deep dissatisfaction with who I was and what I’ve done. But if you just looked at the surface I was doing better than most. I had finished college that spring. Held a job for 4 years at that point. I had a girlfriend who I had dated for 4 years and lived with them and a beautiful dog in a cozy apartment. On the surface it felt like I was being ungrateful because I had so much.

What didn’t stand out to me then but does now is every time I was asked what I wanted I either couldn’t or didn’t want to think about it because most of what I wanted I couldn’t have, or rather thought I couldn’t have.

It was around this time that I started questioning my sexuality. Completely ignorant I thought my only options were gay or straight man. I knew I most identified with gay women but I thought gay women wouldn’t want to date me (wrong) because I was a man (wrong again)

So I started dating gay men and identifying as one. It seemed right at first because it wasn’t straight but I quickly realized that not only did I feel less like myself but the people I surrounded myself with didn’t see me as I wanted to either

I was stuck. I felt like I was lying to everyone and making things up. However out of all things it was openly trans women on tumblr that ultimately made me realize not only could I be seen as a women by looking through their transformation photos but also that I could be interacted with as a women by their stories

It’s a very gay thing to say but tumblr saved my life. Because of my undiagnosed bipolar disorder at the time and mounting depression levels my mental health was anything but healthy. Convinced however that this might be the answer I sought out other trans women to talk to and was met with both enthusiasm and support. Every time I felt like I wasn’t “womanly enough” I would be told time and time again I was. Eventually I stared to internalize the idea I was a women and sought out help through the local pride center. All it took was an email and I had both the names of the doctors who handled transgender health care but also of therapists in the area who specialized and could write letters of recommendation

Each day since has felt like I’m living for myself a little more. And everyday I take the love that was given to me when I needed it and give it back to the community and my friends because I learned the most important thing in the world is being open enough so that others may feel the confidence to do the same

For any of you trans peeps worrying about how scars from a hysto might be visable... They really won’t be. In normal light, you can see the one on the left, but only if you’re looking for it.

This is about 1 year 6 months post op

Other info-

THE THING THAT HELPED ME THE MOST AFTER SURGERY: holding a pillow to my stomach for the first few days when getting up or sitting down (total life saver!!)

(Also, Jello and pudding cups are your new best friend until you’re done with the narcotics. I personally was strange according to the nurses shovelling a steak and mashed potatoes about 3 hours after surgery into my mouth like my life depended on it!)

THE TATTOO- The tattoo says “Memento Mori”

my face is disgustingly fucking greasy and i have acne.

Alright my sisters I have a story to share.

I am currently 24. I only identified myself as transgender last year. I was so MAD at myself for being so blind to something apparently so obvious. But then tonight a switch flipped and strangely enough it’s because of my dad.

I’ve always been appalled at my dads emotional capacity. He’s shown about as much emotion as a countertop. But after he got married after being free of the vile step mom who ruined our lives. I’ve watched color come back into his life. At the same time I was embracing myself as a women right along side.

I’ve always been the first person to help. To offer anything I can because I know what it’s like to have no one for help and what an amazing difference that can make.

So for the first time I realized not only could I begin healing the gaping hole left in our lives by showing him my own emotional growth but I could also, and I say this in complete honesty, have a family were I felt safe in.

I’ve been so anxious that my dyphoria wasn’t going away since starting hrt that I forgot that healing happens often on its own accord. But if we want to be the person we want to be, we have to give ourselves permission to be patient with....ourselves! I’m so patient with others it seems like the most obvious thing in the world but I can tell anyone reading it has caused the most growth yet.

I am a lover and it makes me feel better to love the people around me and I’m so excited that includes myself now too. ❤️

Mother, Please don’t ask me if I am taking hormones or want to be a boy. I’ve been in this girl human suit and I haven’t figured out how to accept myself or body. It makes me confused and wonder if maybe I would be better off a guy. But what if I don’t... and never find the answer to who I really am.

Is this what it feels like when you are between deciding a transition? I’ve always secretly felt in my head more masculine. Dressed it. Like women. I just feel like something is missing... I feel empty and lost.

Advice?

It is extremely confusing being 27 years old and feeling like I do not fit in this body. I am a born female, but I have never felt very feminine no matter how much I have tried. Sometimes I wonder if transitioning will help since I tend to have more masculine personality traits?

I follow a lot of trans posts and envy the acceptance I see others finding in themselves. I just... don’t know what to do. :(

The last few times I have seen my mother, she has been accusing me of taking hormones to transition into being male. This is actually very hurtful, considering a small part of me wonders if that is why I feel so uncomfortable in this body?

I am a lesbian and have never been able to emotionally develop feelings for men. I’ve “been” with 3 guys only just in total a little over a handful of times being “with” guys but it never felt right. It actually felt the way I would imagine a straight male would feel like a guy? Just awkward and “too gay” for me.

I don’t know if I am just simple not comfortable with myself or really battling with my gender identity. Growing up I always wanted to be a boy.. but for many reasons I hated my body due to being invaded against my will so young in different occasions. I’m just trying to understand. I’ve always been more protective and more dominant with girls. I’ve always enjoyed being treat more like the way a guy would. Even my body is sort of masculine. I just feel like I was born as something I can never fully be. I don’t even know if being a man would fix me. I just wish I could talk to a few people about their experiences before transitioning FTM