#tonic-clonic

Evidence: Friday night/ Saturday morning I was hospitalized due to a tonic-clonic (I know it's fun to say) seizure and they could barely get any blood out of me, which isn't unusual, when I was a baby they had to go directly to an artery to get any.

Anyway, I have a swollen arm and old lady veins now. This shit hurts to touch, I also have

I've had to face quite a bit of change this week, from my life but also from myself. Maybe you should be too; let me tell you why.

Photo by Victoria Bilsborough on Unsplash

I like to be good at things. Writing, sports, academics, and sometimes also faking all three of those when I’m simply not actually good at them… It’s a thing, probably an Achilles heel of mine.

Because I like to be good at what I put my time into. I think we all do. And sometimes, it gets in the way.

After all, there are some things we aren’t…

Missed you all last week, I promise I have a good reason. Let me tell you what happened.

I’ve learned more about mortality in the last four years of my life than I had in the entire seventeen before that. 

It’s astounding. I’ve never found a good reason to use that word, but here it is.

Out of the 3 quarters most of us spend here at Cal Poly every year, ever since my sophomore year started, I’ve had to talk to professors in the first two weeks of classes in at least 2 of them.

Well today was eventful. I was having absent seizures and myoclonic seizures all day and then suddenly my hands felt weak and shaky I couldn't grip anything. The next thing I remember is my dad telling me "you're ok. You have just had a seizure" my sister looking afraid and my fiance looking even worse. Then suddenly I was in the lounge room and felt a wet bottom. Then suddenly I was sitting on the couch with clean pants on and mum was on the phone to the ambulance. Then it felt like seconds and the paramedics were at my side taking my observations. As quickly as it felt like they came and left. Then I was in bed. I woke up thinking it was a dream.

I still feel unwell. The headache is a killer. My tongue is sore. And my neck as well. My legs still feel like jelly.

My fiance has been glued to my hip since. I'm so embarrassed about the whole thing. I also feel guilty for making my family worry. At least they believe me now.

I tried looking up seizure detection apps but came up empty. Most seizure detection is smart watches specifically designed. But 1 I don't have that much money and 2 I really like my samsung gear s3.

We had been out the night before and my flatmate (S) made us a cooked breakfast. We ate that and then washed up. Whilst washing up I began to have an aura. This is a detection or an early warning sign that a seizure is going to happen. My right arm had started spasming and moving towards the top left corner of the room and then stopped. I brushed it off and told myself it wasn’t going to happen.

I had gone upstairs and been a bit sick. Cleaned my self off and then went downstairs whilst S was going to get a shower. I went downstairs and joined S’s mum. I started to put some rubbish into a bag and that is the last thing I remember. Eventually I came round to see S and her mum sat by me at the stairs. I knew what had happened. Apparently during this time my arm raised straight up and then I began fitting. S’s mum had dealt with seizures before so she was able to prevent me from hurting my head. When I came round I apparently kept trying to get up and was very disorientated. I don’t remember much other than giving S the wrong passcode for my phone (apparently multiple times) until eventually she managed to get through to my dad. I also remember the ambulance control ringing S back to let her know that a crew was coming to me but there were a lot of emergencies. I think we waited about an hour for them to get to me. I know that somehow I moved from being near the stairs facing inwards to facing the opposite way for when the ambulance got to us. I don’t remember if they had sirens on or hearing them come in the house. There were 3 paramedics, two male and one female. They asked questions, did my blood pressure, pulse and blood sugars and two heart traces. They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and I said yes. 

S came with me. We had the worst ambulance ride ever. They had put me on one of the seats and it just kept bashing from side to side making me more nauseous. We got to the hospital and they sat me in a wheelchair then took me through to triage. The doctor who triaged me was incredibly beautiful. Even in my dazed state I knew how beautiful she was. She took my blood pressure, some details and some bloods. Then me and S had to sit in the waiting room for a couple of hours. I felt so awful. I was incredibly sore, uncomfortable and dizzy but I was glad to have the company. Another doctor finally saw me and was asking me lots of questions. I had to tell him about the purging etc. He said that I have a higher amount of white cells in my blood which usually indicate an infection and that may be one that is just brewing under the surface at the moment. He gave me antibiotics for that. He is also going to write to my GP and refer me on to another specialist in Huddersfield instead of going back to Manchester.